The following is taken from a paper on limerence by Albert Wakin & Duyen B. Vo. This is one of the best recent papers on this condition.
- Intrusive and obsessive thinking about the LO
- Spending more time thinking about LO than anyone or anything else
- Difficulty avoiding, reducing, stopping focusing and concentrating on LO, despite voluntary control
- Distractibility to the point where relationships and responsibilities are compromised o Persistent, exaggerated positive or negative interpretations of LO’s cues
- Replay and rehearsal
- High sensitivity to LO’s behavioural cues
- More often than not, constantly replaying events that have already occurred involving interactions with LO
- More often than not, constantly anticipating/rehearsing events that have yet to occur involving interactions with LO
- More often than not, constantly imagining vivid experiences in which LO reciprocates feelings and intentions
- More often than not, such imagined experiences create feelings of hopefulness for reciprocation from LO, driving excessive and unreasonable behaviours/reactions
- More often than not, these actions compromise efficiency/productivity
- Anxiety and self-consciousness
- Make constant attempts to present self (e.g., in physical appearance, behaviour and attitude) most favourably to LO
- Physiological symptoms accompanying feelings of shyness, embarrassment, and anxiety (e.g., shortness of breath, perspiration, heart palpitations)
- Aching/pain in the chest or abdominal regions are intensified with increased uncertainty and/or increased signs of rejection by LO
- Socially inept in the presence of LO (e.g., stuttering, clumsiness, awkward behaviour)
- Shyness, embarrassment, and anxiety are heightened in the actual or imagined presence of LO
- Strong, persistent, enduring fear of being rejected by LO
- Emotional dependence
- Strong, persistent, enduring yearning for reciprocation from LO
- Feelings of depression and/or apprehension are intensified with increased uncertainty and/or increased signs of rejection by LO
- Feelings of ecstasy are intensified with signs of reciprocation by LO
- Affective lability
- Longing and yearning for reciprocation are heightened and intensified with uncertainty of status of LO’s feelings
- Longing and yearning for reciprocation are heightened and intensified in the presence of situational barriers (e.g., LO takes a new job, LO moves out of town, LO’s schedule interferes with or prevents spending time together)
- Impaired functioning
- Significant relationships and responsibilities are compromised due to preoccupation on LO
Comments
Limerence is a huge mountain to climb and yet it can be assaulted. It will take time, persistence and a lot of other tools. Check out the forum, where others can empathise and support you.
I am speaking of experience, and decades lost to this, which were not necessary if I had known more.
Fortunately these forums now give us that knowledge.
Don't despair, and fare well.
wow
help :/
Best initial advice: Be gentle w & don't blame or hate yourself. NONE of us ask for the condition. NONE of us "chose" it; so we can't choose our way out of it.
ALL of us would climb Mt Everest & to banish it fast. But there's no speedy way. Instead we must create nu neural pathways in our brains 2 pave over repetitive limerent thoughts. 4 me, it started w learning 2 meditate--sit quietly & clear my mind of thoughts & rumination by concentrating on my breath. The process works like exercise. It takes time & practice.
Here's a meditation site that helped me tremendously 2 overcome incapacitating limerence: tarabrach.com. My 2nd to last limerence episode so bad I got fired & accused of a crime. Thankfully, case was closed as unfounded, no charges filed once ppl learned I had a psychiatric issue & NO desire to hurt my LO.
I really am desperate
I'm a 58 year old woman who started experiencing limerent episodes when I was about 20. So much life wasted with this condition and not knowing what it was.
Fortunately I'm OK now.
Also, now that I’m well into the summer, my feelings have numbed down quite a bit(thank God). With no worries about any nerve-wracking interactions with my LO, I’ve become much better at suppressing any thoughts of them, slowly thinking about them less and less every day. As of the moment, I think I’m okay without a counselor or psychologist, but if feelings ever arise to the debilitating level they were at before, I’ll be sure to talk to someone about it.
Thank you again for your kind and encouraging words! And I’m sorry you had to live with limerence like that; I couldn’t even begin to imagine it. I’m glad you’re ok now, though!
How do I get over this limerence? I'm so sick of him invading my thoughts like all the time...
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