NC needed before my LO gets married

Introduce yourself and share your story. What has been your experience with limerence?
Cookie
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Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Cookie »

Sara wrote: Tue Apr 06, 2021 5:11 pm I cant believe ive blocked him for nearly a full day!!
Never done that.
Its a big achievement im proud.
You should be! He will try to "win" you back though, I bet. They always do, and I just read a thing on Quora about narcs and exes that was pretty disturbing. Not even sure that "ex" applies here, but the dynamics are the same. Keep looking forward~~ @};-
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IvB
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Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by IvB »

That's admirable, Sara, very strong! Keep going, I hope I can one day get that far.
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Sara
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Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Sara »

Thank u! One more day blocked! Itwill be one week tomorrow of no contact at all.
I actually feel fine right now, i confess i still checked probably 10timea today his last time connected.

Its very silly dont know why i do that. Became a limerence habit 🙈 thats probably the next challenge after blocking him, and pushing back out any day dreaming... stop checking when he was last connected!
I saw many limerents do that in another blog so im not mad alone it still is borderline crazy to do that
John
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Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by John »

Sara, I'm proud of your strength. You must realize that he is not controlling you, it is a part of your brain that is just wanting that hit of excitement. He will never be able to do that for you. Over time the temptation to check messages should become less. Make sure you have a solid plan in place if he should message you. He might do that just to be polite and you will be tempted to message back and that might just add to your pain.

Keep up the good work. The more you learn about limerence, the more you will understand what is happening in your brain and hopefully you will be guided to healing. Take care of yourself, you deserve the best!
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Sara
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Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Sara »

Thank you!! This forum is a blessing so much support cant do without it.
I blocked him on whatsapp and i did that once before so he called and it wasnt blocked of course. I ended up unblocking him and calling him.. back to the start.
That means he can do that again, call or text me via normal text.
That would bd for sure be disruptive.
I dont want to respond and that's my plan.
I think of him with his wife, his baby, his new car, new flat. I know all the details of his perfect life as he likes to share it with me . And it makes me feel sick now.
I dont want to know. Dont want to have anything to do with him anymore. Fuck him, they live their life and I live mine. Dont want to know, i protect myself this time i want to be happy, live again, i want to receive attention and love. I dont want to be controlled by anyone, especially by a manipulative LO that distributes his bout of attention when he feels like it and the rest of the time he is with someone else. I dont want that for myself. I deserve much better. ENOUGH
Cookie
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Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Cookie »

Sara wrote: Thu Apr 08, 2021 8:57 am I dont want to respond and that's my plan.
That's always our plan, the same way it's an alcoholic's plan to sit at the bar and not drink or a junkie's plan to stop by the corner just to say hello.

Been right where you are many times, and the ONLY way out is to block him completely.

Do it and don't look back. I'm at four months now and it feels amazing.

You are better than this sickness, Sara. Believe it!!!!!!!!
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Sara
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Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Sara »

Just blocked him completely.wow i had no idea its possible!
He officially cant contact me unless he speaks on a whatsapp group we are in or unless he uses another number.
Done and dusted.
Goodbye. I dont feel bad despite the "good times " . No idea how he will react if he reacts. But still cant do it anymore.

Cookies thank u! Ure a huge help for me.
Well done for your 4 months milestone! Its so long. How did your LO react?
Cookie
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Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Cookie »

Good job, Sara. We're all here to help. I know I've been harsh, but it's only because this isn't and can't be a soft landing. Tough love helped me turn the corner. (Shout out to L-F, honestly!)

Anyway, I shouldn't know the answer to how my LO reacted--none of us should if we've really blocked them--but one night in early January, I had been drinking a lot and used a fake account to peek at his social media. Would you believe that his most recent post was of a gift I'd given him?!?!? Of course you would. He said something about selling it or burning it. Lol! I snooped around at his other self-serving posts and his fake happiness, all of which he had admitted to me at the end.

So yes, these are indeed psychic other-worldly connections for us. But NOT the good kind. The horrible, destructive kind. The kind you see on true crime shows when you're sitting there thinking, "How could she have been so stupid to stay with him?"

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE and don't look back.

Sorry for the drama. You're doing the right thing. Turn toward the light, not the dark.

@};- *-:) @};- *-:) @};-
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Spadge100
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Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Spadge100 »

Well done Sarah and great news on the NC Cookie!

I’m at six months NC now. No emails, texts, calls, checking of SM. Facebook caught me out once, flashing up a “remember this from two years ago” but that’s it.

I also don’t now contact the mutual friends we had. It’s just not worth the pain. I have no right or need to know about her life, as she doesn’t with mine.

Yes there are times it’s really tough but this forum and others who understand it have been a massive help in all of this.

In time I will be glad of this experience. If I roll back six months, when I had been out of the hospital for a month or so after a psychotic episode caused by the crazy dopamine crash when it unravelled then I’m pretty chuffed with where I have got to really.

In another six months I will be even better. Reconnecting with my SO, the fog of the affair is lifting and I no longer see her as my soul mate, it that SO is a blocked to my happiness as none of that is true, it’s just the cruel tricks limerence plays on you.

Good luck Sara and again great work cookie 👍👍

Six months sober is how I see it!! 😃
Cookie
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Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Cookie »

Spadge100 wrote: Thu Apr 08, 2021 7:53 pm Well done Sarah and great news on the NC Cookie!

I’m at six months NC now. No emails, texts, calls, checking of SM. Facebook caught me out once, flashing up a “remember this from two years ago” but that’s it.

I also don’t now contact the mutual friends we had. It’s just not worth the pain. I have no right or need to know about her life, as she doesn’t with mine.

Yes there are times it’s really tough but this forum and others who understand it have been a massive help in all of this.

In time I will be glad of this experience. If I roll back six months, when I had been out of the hospital for a month or so after a psychotic episode caused by the crazy dopamine crash when it unravelled then I’m pretty chuffed with where I have got to really.

In another six months I will be even better. Reconnecting with my SO, the fog of the affair is lifting and I no longer see her as my soul mate, it that SO is a blocked to my happiness as none of that is true, it’s just the cruel tricks limerence plays on you.

Good luck Sara and again great work cookie 👍👍

Six months sober is how I see it!! 😃
I literally cried at this, Spadge!! :(( Just so happy for you, and I love your insights, especially as they relate to your SO and your recovery after the hospital. What an amazing rebound for you! I kept saying "bipolar" to myself through this...but that's not what it was, and we know that.

A kind of funny story re: the mutuals. When LO and I were connected, I wanted soooo badly to impress him, so I started a business selling what he makes (ugh, pathetic). Anyway, all of his friends in this biz started contacting me and following on social media! More and more and more, and it has kept snowballing until I've almost been crushed under the weight of THAT!!! I do not know these people. I do not care about them or their work. I feel like the world's biggest faker, and now I'm stuck with this stupid business. :)) I swear you have to laugh, because at times it gets pretty darn close to INSANITY.
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