The Perfect Prison - my story

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L-F
Posts: 3375
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: The Perfect Prison - my story

Post by L-F »

David wrote: Tue Jun 08, 2021 9:41 am Is it a compatibility issue or are there other underlying issues in each of your psyches that contribute to your sexualities?
She could be gay:-??
Just joking just joking!

It's a good question to ask in any sexless relationship. But women tend to need an emotional connection first, and it sounds like V and his wife could be on the same page here. That's where having FUN comes in.

Don't have SEX for the sake of sex. Play together, laugh, connect, dance, be childlike together where you fall into each other's arms giggling like a teenager and then BAM, the sex hormones kick in.

A way to a man heart is thru his stomach.
A way to a woman's vagina is thru her mind.
IMO

Good luck beating limerence V! Been there done that and kicked it to the curb years ago. I feel for ya. Limerence is the mother of all distractions. Don't let it distract you from reconnecting with your wife. Because it often will. At least you're on the right path here!
"LF, why do you weep for the inner child of your abusers?"
"Because I'm not like them."
virusbkk
Posts: 78
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:37 am
Hong Kong

Re: The Perfect Prison - my story

Post by virusbkk »

L-F wrote: Tue Jun 08, 2021 9:33 pm
virusbkk wrote: Tue Jun 08, 2021 3:28 am No - once things got sexual, I wanted emotional reciprocation.
Any signs that the LO had feelings for me, would have been enough.
So you could jump ship. That's limerence for ya! But the 'on the lookout' part gets me. I understand it was a sexless marriage and just wondering if a sex worker would have been a better option. *Cha-ching!* The penny dropped.

Whoever you met (sex worker/tinder date), it wasn't really about sex after all, is my guess. It was about emotional bondage. Im sure the intention for sex was there, and without your awareness, your need for an emotional connection superseded your need for fluid-bonding. In fact, is go so far as to say that you were unconsciously driven to find an emotional connection. And when an 'emotional' connection isn't present in a marriage, sex is typically pushed off the edge of a cliff.
Think the SO and I got stuck in the "Roommate Phase".
My work entailed 4-5 business trips a year for up to 2 weeks each time, before the pandemic - much needed space.
Once the pandemic hit, we were in each other's faces all the time - the lack of space got to me I guess.
When I met the LO I instantly felt this intellectual connection - like we were on the same wavelength.
The rest just kind of followed after that.

I will say something else - this is pure speculation, but I believe one of the reasons the LO ended things,
was because of unsatisfying sex maybe?
I had performance anxiety on some occasions,
and although I was able to make her orgasm via a combination of penetration and oral,
maybe it didn't cut it for her.
L-F wrote: Tue Jun 08, 2021 12:00 am
virusbkk wrote: Tue Jun 08, 2021 3:28 am SO actually confronted me if there was an OW involved.
I denied the accusation and somehow she believed me.
Although, I honestly think her intuition told her to give me the benefit of the doubt, but still be wary.
I don't know what OW means :-??

I'd say it was your wife's intuition that made her confront you. That 'intuition' would have zeroed in on the affair over time.

Well, limerence sure took the fun out of your rendezvous. Are you able to allow your wife the same courtesy and open up the marriage? That might help spice things up?
OW = Other Woman
Yes, opening up the marriage is what we are trying to do now.
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David
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Re: The Perfect Prison - my story

Post by David »

16 commandments of poon is a thought provoking read - its related to desire being fueled by uncertainty, although i am not endorsing its contents

also consider transactional versus validational sex
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Significant other
Posts: 110
Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2021 11:09 pm
Spain

Re: The Perfect Prison - my story

Post by Significant other »

L-F wrote:
"Well, limerence sure took the fun out of your rendezvous. Are you able to allow your wife the same courtesy and open up the marriage? That might help spice things up?"

Perfect!...,this is the question of revelation Yes/No.

And the sexual relationship are not necessary.

I wouldn't be able to hold a lie so long time,It's crazy
L-F
Posts: 3375
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: The Perfect Prison - my story

Post by L-F »

virusbkk wrote: Wed Jun 09, 2021 3:04 am I will say something else - this is pure speculation, but I believe one of the reasons the LO ended things,
was because of unsatisfying sex maybe?
I had performance anxiety on some occasions,
and although I was able to make her orgasm via a combination of penetration and oral,
maybe it didn't cut it for her.
Hmmm... Could it be that you weren't fully committed to cheating? I mean, the idea sounds risqué and titillating, the same way the limerent views their LO, but the fantasy sometimes fall short when it becomes reality. I'm going out on a limb here, could performance anxiety (in general), be related to your soul not being fully invested?

Good thing you've found this forum. In time you'll work through limerence and come out the other side! And hopefully, you'll view limerence as a blessing.
"LF, why do you weep for the inner child of your abusers?"
"Because I'm not like them."
virusbkk
Posts: 78
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:37 am
Hong Kong

Re: The Perfect Prison - my story

Post by virusbkk »

L-F wrote: Wed Jun 09, 2021 11:11 am
virusbkk wrote: Wed Jun 09, 2021 3:04 am I will say something else - this is pure speculation, but I believe one of the reasons the LO ended things,
was because of unsatisfying sex maybe?
I had performance anxiety on some occasions,
and although I was able to make her orgasm via a combination of penetration and oral,
maybe it didn't cut it for her.
Hmmm... Could it be that you weren't fully committed to cheating?
I'm going out on a limb here, could performance anxiety (in general), be related to your soul not being fully invested?
I think you could be onto something here.
A lot of the affairs I've read about, have involved both parties in committed relationships,
and more importantly, they has been full disclosure about each other's SO.
This disclosure leaves both parties unburdened, and allows them to be fully invested in the affair.

I chose not to disclose to LO that I had an SO - obviously, for the fear of losing her.
The cumulative burden of keeping the affair secret from the SO,
keeping the SO secret from the LO, and most importantly, limerence to top it off,
probably contributed to the performance anxiety.
L-F wrote: Wed Jun 09, 2021 11:11 am Good thing you've found this forum. In time you'll work through limerence and come out the other side! And hopefully, you'll view limerence as a blessing.
Hopefully, yes - there is no light at the end of the tunnel, as of right now!
Mathes
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2021 6:05 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: The Perfect Prison - my story

Post by Mathes »

Is limerence that consists of unavailable objects of attraction that are desired but not accessible made more or less illusionary as opposed to those which accompany paid sex or other consumated relationships?
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