Admitting it is the first step, isn't it?

Introduce yourself and share your story. What has been your experience with limerence?
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Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2021 11:28 pm

Admitting it is the first step, isn't it?

Post by Sceptical_optimist »

Hi all,

Oh my, is it awkward for me to open up to a forum about something I just accepted and realized.
I am a woman just above 30 yrs old, and have been experiencing limerence for probably my whole life... except I did not understand what was happening until recently...

I will therefore focus on this point of realization.

One and half year ago I started dating a man. We met on an app, and after some days of texting, we met and he totally flashed me. It started right away at a sexual level - within 1 min we were in bed - and I developped a real addiction for this person.

He was emotionally unavailable from the start, but gave me just enough indications to let me hope it would eventually develop. We had the most amazing sex and this started my daily ruminations. As he did not care about me as a human being, he would only write when desiring validation, sex or attention. When feeling lonely, sad, or unsexy. He did not treat me respectfully, and it went degrading over the months. We dated all in all for a full year, but it was with lots of breaks and reconciliations.

It has been 7 months now that we have not seen each other. But my whole attention is directed to him. Every single day. I have intrusive thoughts, and start day dreaming some kind of scenarios that lead to him finally reciprocating my feelings. Some of those scenarios go through really terrible events. But as the end is always with him, it procures me a kind of satisfaction.

I stalk him on every possible platforms, like every 5 minutes. It's just pretty insane.

Along our dating I also changed behaviours to match him. His expectations, what he likes, his interests...

I made my whole world around him. And he realized how addicted I was, telling me that I was handling him as a drogue, which was not good.

In the last 7 months I made several attempts to get him back to me. To just meet I always said. And each time the same pattern occured. I would contact him and he would give me some attention on a sexual level. I would be on a high, pushing to meet. He would back off (he has a girlfriend now). I would get super emotional, irrational and enter a deep sadness. Make a drama. Wait a month and try again.

I just don't want to keep doing this. By reflecting I realize that most my relationships were following this pattern. I just replaced a LO with the next.

I am really hurting and it disrupts my daily activities. Any advises would be incredibly helpful...

Thank you for reading.
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Re: Admitting it is the first step, isn't it?

Post by L-F »

Welcome to the forum S_O!

It's great you've come to the realisation you no longer want to keep repeating this pattern of behaviour.

"LF, why do you weep for the inner child of your abusers?"
"Because I'm not like them."
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Re: Admitting it is the first step, isn't it?

Post by Mathes »

There's a second step though right?
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Joined: Wed Nov 10, 2021 11:32 pm

Re: Admitting it is the first step, isn't it?

Post by limerain »

thanks for disclosing.

I don’t know how to help, since I’m pretty much learning this thing as an entity as of right now and I am a physician.

Just a few questions.
1. Is depression a diagnosis you have received before?
2. Is OCD a diagnosis you could find yourself in the vicinity?
3. Any previous drug use? (Any at all, from smoking to …)
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