I'm stuck. Help?!

A place for those new to this site and wanting general support that is less focussed than what's available on the silver membership part of the forum
L-F
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by L-F »

theorina38 wrote: Thu Jun 10, 2021 7:59 pm - Love lies in compassion and care. When you genuinely love someone, you love him/her regardless of whether there is any reciprocation.

- True love gets better, deeper, more intimate and more connected with time. Instead of playing games, you bond through empathy, interests, and experiences.

- A person in real love respects them for the way they are. You love him or her despite his or her flaws, which you have an honest perception of.

- While being in love is, no doubt, an extremely powerful state of mind and attraction, it doesn’t have the same intrusive, obsessive quality as limerence. You love; yet you do not drive yourself crazy. Love is calmer and less dramatic than limerence.
And now that you've differentiated between limerence and love, in which camp do you see yourself?

It's so helpful to read up about limerence and I'm glad you posted the above because it might help others too!
Learn to forgive...Life is too short to live with hate.
"Everything is within your power, and your power is within you." Janice Trachtman
theorina38
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

L-F wrote: Fri Jun 11, 2021 9:33 am And now that you've differentiated between limerence and love, in which camp do you see yourself?

It's so helpful to read up about limerence and I'm glad you posted the above because it might help others too!
Still trying to figure out. If you read my first post I’d say limerence.. but it’s not clear to me.
mycorona
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by mycorona »

Thanks for reply L-F. Yes, I agree, he is being totally non-sexual.
I am working on staying away.
Me: F
LO: M
Both Married
“Invisible Threads are the Strongest Ties” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
L-F
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by L-F »

theorina38 wrote: Fri Jun 11, 2021 10:36 am Still trying to figure out. If you read my first post I’d say limerence.. but it’s not clear to me.
I've highlighted the part in your first post which contradicts the quote on love.
theorina38 wrote: Tue Jun 01, 2021 10:51 am I'm having conversations with him in my head and fantasising him kissing me... I'm normally a very stable person.
theorina38 wrote: Thu Jun 10, 2021 7:59 pm - While being in love is, no doubt, an extremely powerful state of mind and attraction, it doesn’t have the same intrusive, obsessive quality as limerence. You love; yet you do not drive yourself crazy. Love is calmer and less dramatic than limerence.
Learn to forgive...Life is too short to live with hate.
"Everything is within your power, and your power is within you." Janice Trachtman
theorina38
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

Thanks L-F, you're right. I wish I wasn't like this. I want to fix myself so badly! Crying my eyes out.
L-F
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by L-F »

It takes time. One good thing, at least you have a starting point, purpose and goal to work towards.

I don't know Theorina, sometimes I wish nothing happened, because life certainly seemed easier before limerence. At the same time, it did serve a purpose.

Hoping you find strength to move forward. Hoping today is a better day for you.
Learn to forgive...Life is too short to live with hate.
"Everything is within your power, and your power is within you." Janice Trachtman
theorina38
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

L-F wrote: Sun Jun 13, 2021 8:21 pm It takes time. One good thing, at least you have a starting point, purpose and goal to work towards.

I don't know Theorina, sometimes I wish nothing happened, because life certainly seemed easier before limerence. At the same time, it did serve a purpose.

Hoping you find strength to move forward. Hoping today is a better day for you.
Thanks! I'm feeling a bit better. I'm meditating in the mornings and trying to be more mindful and not let myself get lost in the fantasy.

What amazes me is that I have not always been limerant for him. It hit like a bolt of lightning - I see it now. And it hurts. It hurts real bad.

I think it's about my emotional life and it's not that much about him. But I do think feelings were kind of reciprocated at some time. He was attracted for sure, I don't think it was my brain playing tricks on me (he was single back then).

I am still staying away - disclosure and rejection hasn't solved anything. It's only made the situation more confusing. He is now posting about his new relationship on social media, they are happy and they want the world to know which of course is absolutely fine. But it doesn't mean posts like these are easy to handle.
Lindsay
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by Lindsay »

Hang in there Theorina, it’s quite a painful experience. I would not go back though. It has been a spiritual awakening for me. I think around mid life, most people have (or have had) trials and suffering that nudges them to think more spiritually and start searching for meaning and purpose. There are lows, days where I can barely function, sadness and longing so strong I want to die. But other days I see the beauty in the balance of opposites in the universe, in the divine love I feel of God. I feel comforted and know everything will be alright. Life isn’t supposed to be easy peasy all the time and honestly, this trial is better than some others for sure. What helps me is journaling and getting everything out, as eventually I turn more positive and find the areas I’m wanting to pursue and that excite me. Find the things you love and focus on those. You have everything you need within yourself. It’s all there. Nobody can give you that sense of contentment and joy…… it’s all within… always has been and always will be.
mycorona
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by mycorona »

Lindsay
What a beautiful post. You touched me with your words. Yes, I also hope for spiritual growth from this painful experience, if not, what's this experience all about? I understand when you talk about the sadness and longing so strong you want to die. Why oh why could he not have been mine - just for a little while? I will never know the answer to this. He wanted it. I wanted it. But he waited it out and now it's gone. Why, why why?
Me: F
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“Invisible Threads are the Strongest Ties” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
AMA210
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by AMA210 »

Lindsay wrote: Wed Jun 16, 2021 7:14 pm Hang in there Theorina, it’s quite a painful experience. I would not go back though. It has been a spiritual awakening for me. I think around mid life, most people have (or have had) trials and suffering that nudges them to think more spiritually and start searching for meaning and purpose. There are lows, days where I can barely function, sadness and longing so strong I want to die. But other days I see the beauty in the balance of opposites in the universe, in the divine love I feel of God. I feel comforted and know everything will be alright. Life isn’t supposed to be easy peasy all the time and honestly, this trial is better than some others for sure. What helps me is journaling and getting everything out, as eventually I turn more positive and find the areas I’m wanting to pursue and that excite me. Find the things you love and focus on those. You have everything you need within yourself. It’s all there. Nobody can give you that sense of contentment and joy…… it’s all within… always has been and always will be.
Same for me, Lindsay! Thanks for sharing this! :)
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