Warped wrote: ↑Mon Jun 14, 2021 3:58 am
I disclosed and it did not end my LE. What did address it was that I went no contact.
I disclosed to my LO and got rejected. I then made the conclusion that I cannot be friends with my LO. Every interaction with her would just fuel my LE.
I tried my best to "just be friends", but the LE just continued. I had to choose, continue this destructive cycle or end the friendship. It was incredibly painful, and I miss her dearly, but I've reclaimed a huge part of my life again.
The disclosure helped in my context to explain to her why I had to end our friendship.
Yes--if it gets you closer to no contact, disclosure is valuable. But you don't need the disclosure to go NC.
I do not hold the belief that we owe LO any kind of explanation. To me, this is actually a major hallmark of the disorder itself. Why are we seeking their approval for anything we do or don't do? Even if it's just under the guise of "letting them know." It's just more validation seeking. Further codependence.
I also think that many/most LOs know exactly what they're doing, so disclosure only puts us right where they want us. That's not true in every limerent situation, but it was in all of mine and their manipulation is so obvious with some distance.
The whole "just friends" thing just perpetuates the delusion. We like to think it's somehow our fault for not being able to handle it, but my experience has been that they simply aren't worthy or capable of having a real friendship with us.
I think some of us secretly hope that disclosure will get them to finally confess their true romantic feelings for us. Well, lemme say that if they do, it's almost certainly gonna be fake and for their own motives.