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A dilemma that shouldn't be one

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: A dilemma that shouldn't be one

Post by IvB »

L-F wrote: Mon Nov 29, 2021 9:57 am Whenever thoughts of LO popped into my head I'd say "its just a story".
That sounds good, I will try it! Thank you.
DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

Re: A dilemma that shouldn't be one

Post by DreamingBlue »

Follow-up: I feel better. I feel less connected to LO in my mind. The pain was too too much to stay invested, and for that reason I have not looked at pictures. The not wishing happy birthday was very sad, as it marked another step away from her, helped solidify the break and helped me classify her as a non-friend, but it was a clear win. This week I'm enjoying the benefits of my very good decision. Sure, it hurt, it burned like hell, but I stayed strong!
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: A dilemma that shouldn't be one

Post by IvB »

Well done, DB! I agree that the pain is too much, at some point the pain itself helps to disconnect. And staying strong ultimately gives you a boost.
Significant other
Posts: 138
Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2021 11:09 pm
Gender:
Age: 57
Spain

Re: A dilemma that shouldn't be one

Post by Significant other »

L-F wrote: Mon Nov 29, 2021 9:57 am
DreamingBlue wrote: Mon Nov 29, 2021 5:48 am I wish I could receive a secret dossier of all her faults and shortcomings,
It wouldn't make any difference. Trust me.
DreamingBlue wrote: Mon Nov 29, 2021 5:48 am But these images, this story,
Never forget it's just that. A story.
And you're the storyteller.

People get so wrapped up in their own story they forget to see it for what it is.

I guess CBT is the same as changing the storyline? Perhaps try creating an alternative story whenever thoughts of LO occur? Have you tried that?

Whenever thoughts of LO popped into my head I'd say "its just a story".
Fabulous, L_F: I want to highlight the famous word play history / hysteria (neurosis). Also dramatization, creating a theatrical work where the subject becomes a spectator, as if it were not with him, as if the script were not in his hands. The characters are polarized into good / bad, submissive / dominant, castrated / castrating, weak / powerful, etc ...
DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

Re: A dilemma that shouldn't be one

Post by DreamingBlue »


Two months later, same similar dilemma, same pain. More looking. Seeing her say she loves her boyfriend on Instagram. Seeing that they are truly in love. The "story" continues in my head. That I needed her to remain a friend, a witness, a fan of mine. My ego needed her. My ego says she's unattainable, but that if ever got her, I'd show her love like no other.

Just downright insane, immature crushing obsession. I hate it. I pray I can defeat it. I've blocked her (just about) everywhere.

My greatest, greatest fear is dying loving her. I hope I grow out of this. I hope I let myself grow out of this.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: A dilemma that shouldn't be one

Post by L-F »

Can totally relate DB
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5666
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: A dilemma that shouldn't be one

Post by JupiterTaco »

As for LO's faults, keep looking. Trust me, they're there...
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
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