From suicidal to (almost) better and actually happy

[DelusionGirl]

I had tears in my eyes reading your story. Thank you for taking the time to write it.
It helps me a lot to think that even for people who had very severe LE, it's possible to feel much better with time. It gives me a lot of hope.

Thank you! Yes there is hope!
I do feel a sort of emptiness but most days it is very manageable. I do fear this happening again. I don’t want it. It was so all-consuming. At one time that was something I wanted but not anymore.
Peace is a huge gift.
The loneliness is better when at least there is peace.

[mycorona]

What a wonderful inspiring post DG. A wonderful read full of hope! I pray I am in that position soon, it's a long and painful road as you say. Emotional entanglements of all sorts are very difficult but with LOs, there is, I believe, a "beautiful madness" that will always hold an attraction. I'm older that many on these boards and I can tell you, age has nothing to do with falling hard into limerence. The only answer is to run, and fast, at the very first signs of your interest in that certain person.

May I ask you have you maintained no contact with your LO or did you manage to climb out of it more less while remaining in contact?

Thank you for giving us here such an uplifting report on your journey. I pray for the same for myself.

[DreamingBlue]

Thanks for that great saga. I really feel your appreciation for this board, and more importantly, your husband.

That is an underratedly interesting thing - how much we "want" something we want to get rid of. Maybe it's not that we WANT limerence, but it's that we want situations in life with uncertainty, mystery, unspoken attraction, and a "chase" that ends with consummation, reciprocation. Basically, part of us wants to live in a 1980s Billy Idol music video. I think that part will always be with me.

But limerence? I will not miss it. What I miss now, really, is having my #1 overriding feeling and thought be: "my wife is incredible and a lifetime isn't enough time to love her." I truly do believe those words, that thought. And I feel it, too. I just hate having it interrupted by thoughts of a woman I barely know, from Instagram.

[IvB]

@DelusionGirl exactly the same, after all those emotions I feel none most of the time now. A bit of sadness but no lows and certainly no highs, happiness, anything. I hope that it's just a phase and like from a flu I need to recover before going back to the gym, same with this, need to recover first before I start feeling again.
I too fear this happening again and am resolved not to develop this kind of intimate conversations with any man again (I have an SO so that's the correct thing to do, after all).

@DreamingBlue "What I miss now, really, is having my #1 overriding feeling and thought be: "my wife is incredible and a lifetime isn't enough time to love her." - Omg same here! I had this feeling so strong before limerence, I used to tear up imagining me and SO old and him dying and thinking that even the next 50 years together won't be enough. Now I really really want this feeling back

[Spadge100]

Great post.

I am beginning to learn that a lot of limerence is about possession. The early highs are so all consuming that the brain craves that fix, it wants to possess the LO to get that fix again. I am learning to realise this is just plain wrong. It’s not love which is calm and peaceful and allows space for growth.

I too miss having no doubts about my SO and the love we have and crave to have that singularity of feeling again.

I don’t believe anything was missing in mine and SOs relationship. It has just developed into a mature not the all consuming New relationship energy that is sparked and causes limerence. The cognitive dissonance that limerence generates gets in the way of seeing what you have is real.

Only through time, NC and the death of hope can that realisation take place and you begin to heal. You can never expect to forget. Many on here have multiple LOs over their life’s and not one of us forgets them, regardless of the passage of time.

But being at peace with it and letting go for me is the main goal.