Did your NC lead to disclosure?

[DreamingBlue]

That's what I'm afraid of - going NC - cutting her off of all socials, except maybe email (Ha listen to my reasoning limerent brain!) and THEN, as a result, being forced to come up with an explanation in person or over email. In that instance I really think I'd compulsively be confessional and tell all.

I know, I wouldn't have to reply to the email. But what would I say in person?

[Cookie]

Nothing. You say nothing. Maybe a shrug and a "sorry" and keep walking. You don't owe her anything and vice versa. You'd be surprised how little you affect her, either absent or present. That's the cold, hard truth of the matter. And that confessional you describe is really all about you--not her. This person is just a distraction in your life, DB. A ghost of something past. Ghosts tend to disappear when we turn the lights on.

[DreamingBlue]

Thank you Cookie

[mycorona]

Yes DB it's important to you and not to her. (Sorry to be blunt, I know it hurts, I've suffered too)
If on the slight chance that you're absence is important to her. She won't confront you, she will simply tell you she misses you and likes seeing you. Then this may lead into something for you to say to her. Tell her you want more than friendship and if she says she doesn't, ACCEPT IT and walk away. Always be pleasant and kind and expect nothing less than that from her.

My advice is If you have the option for NC take it. I don't have that option and have to go low contact - and it's torture. Believe me cutting the cord completely is better in the long run. Ask Spadge.

Good luck.
A shout out to all my friends here.

[mamasita]

I disclosed and then attempted no contact almost a year later. I thought I was going to get reciprocation, particularly when I pulled away. Or maybe time and attention from LO but got mostly nothing. Once he asked me if I was okay, or where had I been or something like that, but it wasn't enough for me. He knew what I wanted and the feigned "concern" just pissed me off more.
I thought for awhile that limited contact would be obvious enough for him to reach out to me, say something, but he didn't. The longer we have not spoken, the less likely we will ever speak about whatever was between us again. It's best that way, although hurt me inside a lot for a couple of years. Now it's an occasional ache, but I know that he cannot fill that pain with happiness or bliss like I believed he could. I worry about how I appear to him so I stay away as to not seem desperate anymore.

[Spadge100]

Absolutely go for NC and while it’s hard to think you are being mean at all you really aren’t. You need to do it for your own sanity, peace of mind and eventual freedom.

Will you often think about contacting them? Absolutely, six months in and I still get that urge but it does get easier with time.

You move through denial, resentment, anger, embarrassment, replaying if things could have been different but fundamentally it’s all about you and your own thoughts and feelings. Eventually you get to acceptance that NC is best for all involved.

LC just prolongs the pain and keeps you in that emotional prison. It sounds like the mature way forward but us limerents aren’t the best people to rationalise that it is good for us. I am sure there have been plenty of alcoholics that have tried just having a few, or gamblers that have said I won’t spend too much so it’s fine (me being one). It’s unfortunately just one of the quirks of life that some people are bad for our health but it does teach you a lot along the way.

I am learning to live with it and honestly now don’t want contact again as I know the other side to it. I think now if she reached out to me I would either ignore it or send a very polite but direct message not to contact me again.

Would I have said that six months ago? Absolutely not.

Good luck and use this site to help you through. It really is a lifeline of people who don’t judge at all and understand and can empathise.

[marko]

No disclosure and as time passes I'd feel really stupid had I done so.

[DreamingBlue]

For the record- I cannot let her know I want to be more than friends, because I ultimately say no to that - as I am married to a good woman.

[DreamingBlue]

Still haven't pulled the trigger. Seems mean and unnecessary, but with the connection still there, the access still there, so is the frustratingly agitating itch of temptation.

Some of the classic limerent thoughts coming back. "What if I'm meant to pursue her? What if I never stop thinking about her, what if she holds the keys to happiness for me?" All stuff my limerent brain pitches to me, never mentioning the marriage-ruining life upheaval that would come as well.

[IvB]

DreamingBlue, I understand exactly, also married, to a good man. I am slowly getting to the better side of this nightmare so the temptation is not so big anymore but I know it's hard. Fight that limerent fantasizing brain!