BECOME A MEMBER AND EMBRACE EXCLUSIVE ACCESS
Unlock exclusive features and connect with like-minded individuals by upgrading to our premium membership.
As a member, you'll gain access to our members-only forums, where you can:
Engage in meaningful discussions: Read, create, and search all threads and posts, fostering a vibrant community of like-minded individuals.
Establish deeper connections: Utilize our private messaging system to connect with other members on a personal level, fostering meaningful relationships.
Enjoy these benefits and more for just $2.99 per month, payable securely via PayPal.
Membership is flexible, allowing you to cancel anytime without any hassle.
Sign up today and embark on a journey of personal growth and connection. Join our community of passionate individuals and unlock a world of possibilities.

Click https://limerence.net/membership-accoun ... p-checkout

Intrusive thoughts

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Intrusive thoughts

Post by IvB »

Hey Gargantua,
I believe the anger is one of the limerence phases and if it helps you, definitely be angry, though not forever. Limerence is ultimately about ourselves but our LO's often feed this addiction. We are of course a great ego boost for them!
It's similar like my LO - he had a crush on me first and when he disclosed, I became limerent and now his interest is waning quickly...
Indeed, we can do this and a bit of healthy anger is a good step forward, as long as you remember that it's not all his fault.
selkie354
Posts: 155
Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2021 5:17 pm
Canada

Re: Intrusive thoughts

Post by selkie354 »

Agree with IvB, I think the anger is normal. I think it a step in processing the rejection, you might want to read about the 5 stages of grief. In a way getting over a limerent episode is not that different from a normal breakup a lot of emotions to cycle through.

I have also experienced some justified and not justified anger at my LO. At times he has been somewhat unkind to me, though my reaction has been out of place in intensity. In your case, your LO was leading you on so it is somewhat justified, but again just probably not to the intensity you feel it. I think it helps to recognize and acknowledge these emotions we go through, just be careful with actions, know you are angry so don't seek out a conflict or something.
Spadge100
Posts: 291
Joined: Sat Oct 24, 2020 10:02 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Intrusive thoughts

Post by Spadge100 »

Hi

I agree with IvB and Selkie. It’s all part of the grieving process (you go through this whether the relationship was real or perceived) and it’s natural to feel anger, embarrassment, shame unfortunately.

When I think back to when I was about 6 weeks into NC I definitely felt anger, yet ultimately had not right to. Everyone has their own choices to make and no amount of protestation can change that.

6 weeks NC is a great start and a good time to remember and start training your brain that any contact will set the reset switch and lose the good work to have done up to this point. Your brain will start to justify why contact needs to resume. “I just need to explain this”, or “I just need to check how they are getting on”. This become especially evident when you think you have it under control and when you have to be most wary. The truth is you don’t need to contact them. There is some truth in the best revenge is no revenge at all (but I don’t like the word revenge).

Over time it will fade, and weeks become months. You will have days where the limerence really tricks you and urges you to act but resist and it passes. Be thankful each night that you didn’t break NC. Over time you learn to love yourself again.

I learn not to expect it to ever leave me completely but now see that as why the reason to go NC is the most important one to take.
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Intrusive thoughts

Post by peter.rabbit »

gargantua65 wrote: Fri Mar 26, 2021 5:20 pm Hi everyone,

Throughout all my LE, I have found the intrusive obsessive thoughts with my LO out of control, creating much anxiety. Have you also experienced and felt them like that? 

Or did the thoughts fit coherently with your other thoughts and values?
My intrusive obsessive thoughts with my LO are back and on the increase, as the pandemic quarantine lessens, and am having more contact. Not out of control though, I've learned to 'regulate' all of that, to a certain extent. Anxiety level is moderate, my illusions try to step forward but I've become better at keeping them in-check. She is a friend, not my "girlfriend"....if she does have feelings for me (like I hope in my fantasies) I realize I'll likely never know.

...it's still a work in progress.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 19 guests