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Would love to hear how wrong that voice was
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- Posts: 224
- Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
Would love to hear how wrong that voice was
...in your head. The one that told you "If you turn your back on LO, you'll regret it the rest of your life," and "He/she holds the keys to love like you've never known! Yes it's risky,but it's WORTH it."
Forgive me for wanting to hear your pain, but I do. I want to hear the disasters these thoughts led you to. Mostly, I'm happy to report, these thoughts simply provide psychological torture to me. As bad as that it, it's better than them spurring me on to life-ruining infidelity. It's not doing that.
I just wish I could silence the voice.
I know that full NC/blocking/unfollowing would help greatly. I just keep chickening out, for fear of losing a friend down the road.
Forgive me for wanting to hear your pain, but I do. I want to hear the disasters these thoughts led you to. Mostly, I'm happy to report, these thoughts simply provide psychological torture to me. As bad as that it, it's better than them spurring me on to life-ruining infidelity. It's not doing that.
I just wish I could silence the voice.
I know that full NC/blocking/unfollowing would help greatly. I just keep chickening out, for fear of losing a friend down the road.
Re: Would love to hear how wrong that voice was
Hi DreamingBlue
It’s hard but you have to get past the “I must have them in my life” through to “this person in my life is not good for me”.
For me I nearly lost everything. I lost my sanity briefly as I was hospitalised, four months off work. So for me I nearly lost my wife, job and sanity for something that was ultimately a fantasy and an illusion.
I am now regaining my life, getting my memories back of times before limerence and not reframing them as bad, and appreciating my SO for standing by me through this.
Life has to not be lived on what ifs and dreams otherwise you miss the reality of life and the little things that make life magical.
It’s hard but you have to get past the “I must have them in my life” through to “this person in my life is not good for me”.
For me I nearly lost everything. I lost my sanity briefly as I was hospitalised, four months off work. So for me I nearly lost my wife, job and sanity for something that was ultimately a fantasy and an illusion.
I am now regaining my life, getting my memories back of times before limerence and not reframing them as bad, and appreciating my SO for standing by me through this.
Life has to not be lived on what ifs and dreams otherwise you miss the reality of life and the little things that make life magical.
Re: Would love to hear how wrong that voice was
In my second episode I was convinced my volatile LO was the man of my dreams and that he would be a better match for me than my caring stable long term live in boyfriend. I went so far as to break off my relationship. I got lucky and dodged a bullet in that my LO actually got back with his ex at the same time, and we never actually got together. That was enough to snap me out of it. I am so glad I never ended up with that LO, he was a mess! I don't think he would have been a good partner to anyone, and if it were not for that ex coming back, we would have dated at the very least for sure (he was pursuing me but I was not his first choice). At the time I was convinced he was "the one" despite so many blaring incompatibilities and issues: he was super religious and authoritarian, he liked guns and other weapons, I am more of a free spirit.
The good news was that the breakup was actually a positive that led me and my boyfriend to address some of our issues and we were able to move forward. So I was actually in a good place at the end of all of it. Though I shudder to think of what would have happened if I actually got with that LO, we were coworkers so it woudl have at the very least made an embarrassing mess there and he was also very vengeful with his other exes (he dated at least 2 other coworkers) so likely it would have been a big nightmare.
This time my LO while he has his issues, is a better more stable person. Less blaring red flags, a few pink ones. Fortunately/Unfortunately, I suppose. I don't think my past LO was a terrible person just very unstable. My first LO, would not have been a great partner but he was not a bad person, would have made a better partner than #2.
But yes limerence can lead to very bad very destructive behavior. And in the midst of it we are incapable of seeing our LOs for who they truly are. And I do think for most of us, we tend to fall for broken ones, with things to "fix": a project! So that in and of itself is not the greatest.
The good news was that the breakup was actually a positive that led me and my boyfriend to address some of our issues and we were able to move forward. So I was actually in a good place at the end of all of it. Though I shudder to think of what would have happened if I actually got with that LO, we were coworkers so it woudl have at the very least made an embarrassing mess there and he was also very vengeful with his other exes (he dated at least 2 other coworkers) so likely it would have been a big nightmare.
This time my LO while he has his issues, is a better more stable person. Less blaring red flags, a few pink ones. Fortunately/Unfortunately, I suppose. I don't think my past LO was a terrible person just very unstable. My first LO, would not have been a great partner but he was not a bad person, would have made a better partner than #2.
But yes limerence can lead to very bad very destructive behavior. And in the midst of it we are incapable of seeing our LOs for who they truly are. And I do think for most of us, we tend to fall for broken ones, with things to "fix": a project! So that in and of itself is not the greatest.
Re: Would love to hear how wrong that voice was
While I always knew that I would never leave SO for LO or even disclose, I am still not past "I must have them in my life”, as Spadge says. I know we will never end up together but that doesn't make the pain less. I still want to be the one to make LO happy
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- Posts: 224
- Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
Re: Would love to hear how wrong that voice was
I really like that thank you.
Spadge100 wrote: ↑Wed Mar 31, 2021 10:13 am Hi DreamingBlue
It’s hard but you have to get past the “I must have them in my life” through to “this person in my life is not good for me”.
For me I nearly lost everything. I lost my sanity briefly as I was hospitalised, four months off work. So for me I nearly lost my wife, job and sanity for something that was ultimately a fantasy and an illusion.
I am now regaining my life, getting my memories back of times before limerence and not reframing them as bad, and appreciating my SO for standing by me through this.
Life has to not be lived on what ifs and dreams otherwise you miss the reality of life and the little things that make life magical.
Re: Would love to hear how wrong that voice was
Dreaming blue,
here you go. I am there. On the other side (hopefully) a nervous breakdown due to believing all the limerence lies and fully pursuing the LO. it's so hard to write about. I was frequent poster on here during the beginning and height of my limerence and I didn't really take the solid advice (or couldn't?). call me crazy or in denial, I literally felt like I was being controlled by a force outside of my control and I am in a world of hurt right now. I have no feelings for the man now, we are strangers. I could care less about him. I can't even believe the person that I was or the actions I took. it's like...what the literal hell?!!! TBH, I can't come back here too much as even thinking about limerence causes extreme pain, where it used to make me feel good
please don't wreck it all. I wish I had solid advice to overcome limerence but I can recall the pain it's caused me and I can hope and pray you choose the healthier responses to your limerent feelings.
peace be with you
edited to say that your plan to block is entirely warranted.
here you go. I am there. On the other side (hopefully) a nervous breakdown due to believing all the limerence lies and fully pursuing the LO. it's so hard to write about. I was frequent poster on here during the beginning and height of my limerence and I didn't really take the solid advice (or couldn't?). call me crazy or in denial, I literally felt like I was being controlled by a force outside of my control and I am in a world of hurt right now. I have no feelings for the man now, we are strangers. I could care less about him. I can't even believe the person that I was or the actions I took. it's like...what the literal hell?!!! TBH, I can't come back here too much as even thinking about limerence causes extreme pain, where it used to make me feel good
please don't wreck it all. I wish I had solid advice to overcome limerence but I can recall the pain it's caused me and I can hope and pray you choose the healthier responses to your limerent feelings.
peace be with you
edited to say that your plan to block is entirely warranted.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Re: Would love to hear how wrong that voice was
She only contacted me so she could get a referral bonus. We had a great time working together, but obviously it meant a bit more to me than her. I thought her a friend and that also isn't true. Again, I needed the interaction, she doesn't. A couple of things keep me scratching my head, but the NC put it way in the back. As much as I pictured/picture the opposite, I was wrong. I learned I was even wrong about how I construct relationships in general. It lies better than anything and anyone.
Re: Would love to hear how wrong that voice was
To marko's point...
Depression is a liar. Limerence is an even bigger liar because it speaks to you with a voice that tells you what you want to hear. Like a siren. Or a demon.
Make a list of all the things that really matter in life, and those are the things I almost lost.
I was also afraid of "losing a friend" until I stopped listening to the voice that told me what I wanted to hear and started listening to the voice that spoke the truth. The LO was not my friend. I know the importance of owning our roles here--but I remain unconvinced that LOs can ever be our friends. If they could, it wouldn't be such a struggle.
You will look back and see this for the dumb waste of time it all was. Oh! That was the voice that speaks the truth.
Depression is a liar. Limerence is an even bigger liar because it speaks to you with a voice that tells you what you want to hear. Like a siren. Or a demon.
Make a list of all the things that really matter in life, and those are the things I almost lost.
I was also afraid of "losing a friend" until I stopped listening to the voice that told me what I wanted to hear and started listening to the voice that spoke the truth. The LO was not my friend. I know the importance of owning our roles here--but I remain unconvinced that LOs can ever be our friends. If they could, it wouldn't be such a struggle.
You will look back and see this for the dumb waste of time it all was. Oh! That was the voice that speaks the truth.
Person
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- Posts: 224
- Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
Re: Would love to hear how wrong that voice was
Maddie, sorry I missed this. Thanks so much for your frank honesty and dire warning. It's what I need to hear.
Maddie wrote: ↑Tue Apr 06, 2021 6:07 pm Dreaming blue,
here you go. I am there. On the other side (hopefully) a nervous breakdown due to believing all the limerence lies and fully pursuing the LO. it's so hard to write about. I was frequent poster on here during the beginning and height of my limerence and I didn't really take the solid advice (or couldn't?). call me crazy or in denial, I literally felt like I was being controlled by a force outside of my control and I am in a world of hurt right now. I have no feelings for the man now, we are strangers. I could care less about him. I can't even believe the person that I was or the actions I took. it's like...what the literal hell?!!! TBH, I can't come back here too much as even thinking about limerence causes extreme pain, where it used to make me feel good
please don't wreck it all. I wish I had solid advice to overcome limerence but I can recall the pain it's caused me and I can hope and pray you choose the healthier responses to your limerent feelings.
peace be with you
edited to say that your plan to block is entirely warranted.
Re: Would love to hear how wrong that voice was
That voice told me that LO and I were "always" meant to be. LO and I toyed with a physical affair, and then he changed his mind and said he couldn't. I then pursued at full speed, full pressure for a couple of years. I thought I could convince him to see what we could do, what we could be. I way WAY too vulnerable with someone who should have NEVER had that level of intimacy with me. The voice told me he wanted that from me & the voice lies.
I actually saw LO for the first time in over a year yesterday. My heart was pounding for that 5 minutes and I broke into a full sweat, but it wasn't a good feeling anymore. I feel ashamed and embarrassed for listening to that stupid voice.
Maddie, I can relate to your post. Thinking about how it was and what I did is very painful. I hope you are doing okay.
I actually saw LO for the first time in over a year yesterday. My heart was pounding for that 5 minutes and I broke into a full sweat, but it wasn't a good feeling anymore. I feel ashamed and embarrassed for listening to that stupid voice.
Maddie, I can relate to your post. Thinking about how it was and what I did is very painful. I hope you are doing okay.
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