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What I Want More Than Anything

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

What I Want More Than Anything

Post by DreamingBlue »

And I guess this is a good sign, to know this, deeply.

What I want more than anything is to stop thinking about LO. More than I want LO to come to me and profess her love, telling me she's ready for a new life with me, I want moments like I experienced this morning to not be ruined by intrusive thoughts of LO.

My sweet, gorgeous wife, naked as can be, hugging me, joining me in the shower. Impossibly cute. Just as I am realizing how lucky I am to have her, my mind asks, "But imagine this with LO. Imagine how different, and maybe better it could be!" I HATE that thought. I hate how it nags me, and takes a perfect moment, and reduces it to something that may be lacking.

This limerence comes from some hole in me. A hole that was there from early on, was filled for many years, and has reopened. I am labeling these thoughts and feelings as deceptive, and that helps. But my god how I want them to stop.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: What I Want More Than Anything

Post by IvB »

I feel for you. It's not even the rollercoaster of emotions, those are gone, I feel little. But I wish I could spend a day or two where he doesn't appear in my thoughts even once!
mamasita
Posts: 1109
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: What I Want More Than Anything

Post by mamasita »

I want that too. To NOT wake up and have him pop into my mind immediately.
Nowords
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Nov 23, 2020 3:28 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: What I Want More Than Anything

Post by Nowords »

I am noticing that time indeed work along with NC as well as some level of unconditional love. It is very hard work and really is a 24 hour cycle with set goals.

I came across a method about achieving goals the other day that could be of help - called WOOP (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, and Plan). So, if you wish for LO to no longer be on your mind, define the outcome and discover what the obstacle really is - it is intrinsic to you and only you. Dig deep and determine what it might be - fear of losing a friend, fear of losing something in general, etc., And them make a plan on getting beyond your goal. For me, it is a 24 hour thing, but for others it could be longer - say 4 weeks or more. But, if you set a plan in place and hold yourself accountable with regards to recognizing the obstacle in time you will likely achieve your wish.

I am have been doing this for a while not knowing there is an actual method. I do see progress in me and just today, for example, I realized I had gone hours without thinking of my LO. I was so happy for me and frankly relieved that there is hope my obsessives thoughts will diminish and probably go away entirely given time and work. It is ALOT of work and can be a lot of time too. I am coming up on 18 months since things changed with my LO relationship - mutual LE for 6 years that was physical before she broke it off (for all the right reasons, just not in a way that made any sense to me).

Long story short. Time and effort on this is what it takes and I can report it will happen.
-----
“A thing can be true and not the truth,”
― Kristin Hannah, The Great Alone
DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

Re: What I Want More Than Anything

Post by DreamingBlue »

Thank you. Yes, fear of losing a friend is part of it. And also fear of reaction to full NC/needing to explain to her. So far, however, I've unfollowed two of her accounts and I don't even think she's noticed. There is almost no way in hell she thought of me as much as I did her.
Maddie
Posts: 1515
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: What I Want More Than Anything

Post by Maddie »

Yes, how I remember the intrusive thoughts. The fantasizing. Was maddening. I remember thinking...."this is so odd....I shouldn't be STILL thinking of him. After all, he's a stranger that I met in public. WTF?" and yet it continued. became something I did nightly to fall asleep. like a drug, a comfort. the main problem for me was that it became something that I really wanted to happen IRL.

I have always found some good reading in the "what worked for me" section. MANY have healed from LE without pushing it all further. some even talked to their SO for support and it honestly seemed to save them.

you can so do this, dreaming blue.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

Re: What I Want More Than Anything

Post by DreamingBlue »

I appreciate it, Maddie.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: What I Want More Than Anything

Post by IvB »

Thank you, Nowords, I am going to try WOOP.
User avatar
ireneadler
Posts: 37
Joined: Sat Jan 04, 2020 2:37 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: What I Want More Than Anything

Post by ireneadler »

mamasita wrote: Mon Apr 26, 2021 7:41 pm I want that too. To NOT wake up and have him pop into my mind immediately.
^^^^^^^^THIS! Yes.
40 something, married with kids
LO is a married with kids co-worker
marko
Posts: 1802
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: What I Want More Than Anything

Post by marko »

You've identified you have a hole, so do I. What came out of it amazed me and led to what everyone here experiences in that as you work through that, you may feel no better, or like me worse. All those down bits tend to drive thoughts and escape to the LO. Thinking to those pre thoughts uncovered a few other things and the many layers. I want to be the cool kid, I want my youth back, I want a crack at a hottie, I wanted many things that I was going through, and then you think, that I've always struggled with. I come here more often when I feel her pull and even this place can actually keep this going as it brings you back to those good old feelings. Try not to trust your first thoughts right now.
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