Limerence at first sight?

[Struck613]

It struck me that I knew my current LO for roughly a year and sat next to her everyday (coworker, a desk over) and had no feelings of limerence. Then a week or so before covid restrictions took place, it started seeping in. In hindsight I feel fortunate my limerence only began once we started working from home and not seeing each other. I don't think I would've been able to act normally around her if she was my LO and I was right next to her 8 hours a day 5 days a week. And she left the company a month or so ago, so whenever we do go back into the office I won't be seeing her daily anymore.

But it also is unusual, at least for me, that I knew her for a while before becoming limerent. In my past LOs, I felt something right away. I didn't necessarily know it was limerence, but basically the first time I saw them they had an impact on me. Like my last LO, I saw her on my commute to work one of my first days on the job (different job than the one I met my current LO) and she just kind of stuck out to me. I found her attractive, but that wasn't why she stuck out. But she made an impact on me even when I thought she was just some random woman on the train that I'd never see again -- before I even realized she worked in the same office.

I often think about what draws me to LO, and I haven't been able to really figure it out. Just adds another layer of complexity that whatever it is, it didn't have that affect on me when I was actually seeing her the most.

[selkie354]

Can relate to this. I think we have similair patterns Struck. This LO I did not feel limerant for at first. When we met I didn't find him physically attractive and he didn't show any particular interest in me -it was a few months later when he showed interest that I got sucked in. Also like you the forced separation from Covid escalated my limerence like crazy, precovid seeing him regularly I had it under control. The stress of lockdown and working from home drove me to bask in the dopamine hit I got from thinking about him.

My first LO was very good looking and like you I just noticed him around (our university town) before realizing we were in classes together. With that one it was right off the bat. Second was like that as well, less good looking but an interesting contrast of harsh exterior gentle demeanor that intrigued me.

What any of this means I don't know. But I don't think it is always an instant thing. Especially if it is more of an intellectual/emotional connection that isn't always obvious early on.

[Struck613]

Yep, like you Selkie I didn't find my LO physically attractive at first. I didn't think she was particularly unattractive, but I definitely didn't find her attractive. I've sort of glorified what she looks like in my head since I stopped seeing her regularly, so the image I have of her in my head is something I find more physically attractive. I also think she is fairly photogenic, so in the past when I've been unable to stay off her social media, I'm getting a better perspective of her. Not trying to be crass or anything, but I saw her virtually a week or two ago and it definitely didn't line up with what I think about all the time. Again, I don't think she's ugly and I think she is definitely some people's "type", but for me it's not the physical attraction that has me in limerence.

I also think it's interesting because this is my first LO I've truly known. My previous ones were people I went to school with or shared an office with so I saw them regularly, but I never spoke to them. So I guess it makes sense in those instances those were more immediate and based on physical attraction, because there was no intellectual/emotional component. Or to whatever extent there was, it was all in my head.