Bordering on insanity this weekend

[IvB]

It was a tremendous lack of self-esteem and insecurity that made the attention from the LO feel like some sort of healing balm and a drug.

That's it, Maddie, same here. He said things I didn't even know I was missing and then I wanted to feel them more and more.

[Maddie]

Very true, Ivy B. I 100% experienced it as a legit addiction. The compulsivity, obsessiveness, the highs and lows-- I felt manic at times. I'm sure we all have a good deal of these symptoms in common.

Dreamingblue and IvyB, are you making any headway with recovery from this?

[IvB]

Yes, after 9 months I do my best with LC and the emotions are much less out of control. Still not over it, though.

[DreamingBlue]

Do you think this forum can become part of the addiction? My therapist certainly does. Like it can reinforce limerence as part of our identity, and our addictive sides cling to this as a compulsion, right alongside checking LO's posts, etc. Of course, she'd agree this is a better use of time.

Hope I'm not posting too much. I really do appreciate all the insightful responses.

thats what this forum is for. you can post as much as you want, there is no limit.

when i first came across this forum's precursor, Tribe, i posted furiously as it helped me better understand this condition and myself.

[David]

Do you think this forum can become part of the addiction? My therapist certainly does. Like it can reinforce limerence as part of our identity, and our addictive sides cling to this as a compulsion, right alongside checking LO's posts, etc. Of course, she'd agree this is a better use of time.

Yes there is a danger of that although the focus of the forum is to encourage people to work through and overcome their limerence and not glorify limerence per se.

Our addicted minds can get addicted to anything and anything that takes our focus off our LO's is a good thing.

I think its about finding healthier things to get obsessed by and im not of the school of thought that if we have addictive trandances, we can completely eliminate them. Its leaning to live with this part of us and better managing it.

[Significant other]

Very interesting...
DreamingBlue wrote:
"Do you think this forum can become part of addiction? My therapist certainly does. As if it could reinforce limerence as part of our identity, and our addictive sides cling to this as a compulsion, along with reviewing posts from LO, etc. Of course, she would agree that this is a better use of time. "

As an analysand (patient, 3.5 years, more than 100 sessions), I was urged by my psychoanalyst not to comment on anything outside of the therapy.

The reason must be that it would interfere in the projective process of patient-analyst transference.
There is also ,another countertranferent process, but that does not concern us now.

It is about the analyst taking on the symbolic-imaginary (unconscious) role of the father or mother.
The analysis ends once said transfer is broken.


Personally, I believe that it does not have to interfere negatively, it is more "it opens" your mind, as long as the third party understands your situation very well and you can be critical with their advice, judgments, etc ... (mini-transference)
My 2 friends, since I was 7 years old, with whom I spoke, forced a Socratic debate, which helped me a lot, to dismantle my failed automatic thoughts.

[Significant other]

As an analysand (patient, 3.5 years, more than 100 sessions. Like Woody Allen,jajaja

[Lindsay]

Dreaming blue, my heart goes out to you as I did experience exactly what you described. It was very bad for a week or two. The most pain I’ve ever felt in my life, emotional pain. Darkest moments of my life, and the feeling of being helpless and unable to rid the feelings.....so scary. I almost told my SO everything but instead found a therapist to talk to and he told me not to tell my SO. It has helped me to have someone to talk freely about this to. Hang in there, the darkest moments do pass. I feel so similarly to you. Things that helped me: focusing on the good about SO and our life together, focusing on things that I want in life that have nothing to do with others, looking at this as a spiritual awakening, accepting what IS and knowing everything is temporary. I can’t move away right now and so I have to see my LO and thier family often. It’s making it very hard to get over it. I would suggest you cut off all contact for 6 months and see how it goes.

[DreamingBlue]

Thanks so much Lindsay, I will try to do that. It may not happen, (am expecting her to invite me to something) but it hopefully can and will.

Today is a better day, and I know there will be ups and downs. This is my cross to bear, and my family is worth me taking this weight on, carrying it, until it's gone.

I am sorry that you suffer as well. We just have to know that all pain comes from thoughts. Or, a lot of it does. We must try to refocus our thinking into what is, you're right. This isn't so urgent, so dire. We just have to breathe and live.

[Alice]

All of this rings true with me too. I feel like I’m going insane torn between wanting to save my marriage and wanting contact with LO, replaying scenarios and ruminating on him saying his feelings are platonic.
It’s like a horrible rollercoaster of anxiety and obsession.
Sorry I’m no help but you’re not alone x