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Starting to move on?

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Struck613
Posts: 128
Joined: Fri Jun 23, 2017 2:31 am

Starting to move on?

Post by Struck613 »

I'm sure I will look back at the subject of this post in a week or two and be annoyed at myself that I thought I was moving past the beast...

I can't really explain my LE. I've gone through waves before of thinking I was doing better, only to be triggered by something small and plummeting back down into the depths. But for whatever reason, right now I'm on an upswing. I was moving last week and weekend, and fairly distracted by that. LO has been on vacation and not communicating much while she's away. As a result, I haven't been reaching out to her as much, and she hasn't been reaching out to me.

She texted me yesterday for the first time in a few days, and I didn't feel that rush I normally get when I see her name pop up on my phone. Today, I texted her and I didn't get a response right away. Normally when that happens, I obsessively check my phone waiting for a response and then start second and third guessing myself of why I sent anything and what must be going on that she didn't respond. Today I sort of just... didn't care. She responded a few hours later, and it was the kind of text that I almost certainly would've responded with multiple responses of my own. Today I just didn't respond. It definitely didn't need a response, but in the past I wouldn't have been able to help myself.

I still feel very limerent, but these past few days I've gotten newfound control over myself around her. This has happened a couple times before and I've fallen back in so I don't want to take a victory lap just yet. But I normally only post here when something negative happens, so I thought I'd take a second to appreciate the positive progress.
Illusion
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Aug 02, 2020 8:42 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Starting to move on?

Post by Illusion »

You put it well, the vulnerability to limerence comes in waves, sometimes we are just more susceptible and fall back into old habits when other times we more resistant. It's good to remember the times like you just had with some newfound control. It should start becoming more frequently and longer lasting. For me, when LO announced she now had a boyfriend, I would break down sobbing unpredictably. Then after a couple of weeks, I had a brief instant when I had a trigger (day dreaming) but I didn't start crying immediately. Very slowly those intervals became more frequent and lasted longer. I rarely cry now (it's been about 2-1/2 months since LO announced the boyfriend). Physically, I still feel profoundly sad and disappointed.
Struck613
Posts: 128
Joined: Fri Jun 23, 2017 2:31 am

Re: Starting to move on?

Post by Struck613 »

A week later and I don't regret this post yet. I continue to start moving on and have had very limited contact with LO. I'll caveat this by saying while I've been good about not reaching out to LO, I've also been fortunate during the past couple weeks that she has largely limited sending texts to me as well for whatever reason. I'm sure if she starts reaching out to me more again, I'll start getting sucked back in a bit.

But to the extent that this can help anyone else, what has helped me start to move on the last couple of weeks is realizing just how little I am getting from LO. I've built up this image in my head that she is this perfect being, but if I can look past that facade I can see there is really no reciprocation. Even if it's something as simple as not responding to a text I send every once in a while, it is clear that the way I think about her is not the way she thinks about me. I could never "miss" a text from LO, and I'd never not respond to her. So even if she does value me as a friend, I've finally accepted that's as far as she's willing to go. Of course I knew that for a while, but it's taken until now for me to truly accept that.

I know NC helps for a lot of people, but in cases where that's not possible (or only LC is possible) I think being realistic with yourself and understanding LO doesn't feel the same way about you can really help in the healing process.
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