Narcissism

[peter.rabbit]

Don't know how I missed this thread before...Narcissism from what I've read has been typically attributed to the LO, which I thought might be an unfair assumption. As the Limerent is it possible that we really are the narcissist(s)? Or, maybe neither party is, we all like attention and we are ALL substance addicts, addicted to the pleasant effects of the neurochemical bump.

I get it though, a Limerent is easy prey for a true narcissist / sociopath etc.

[L-F]

I get it though, a Limerent is easy prey for a true narcissist / sociopath etc.

And so is the LO!

Just look at how many limerents stalk their LO

[L-F]

Don't know how I missed this thread before...Narcissism from what I've read has been typically attributed to the LO, which I thought might be an unfair assumption. As the Limerent is it possible that we really are the narcissist(s)? Or, maybe neither party is, we all like attention and we are ALL substance addicts, addicted to the pleasant effects of the neurochemical bump.

Yup. Hence why I don't believe in mutual limerence unless the LO has disclosed they are LIMERENT with a full understanding of the concept. I believe limerents want to believe it's mutual which is part of the fantasy, and need, to be wanted. Does that makes us narcissistic? Idk, great questions you pose.
All I know is limerence isn't a sexually transmitted disease. People will come for free lunch if you put it out there. It's when they keep coming back knowing there's no more lunch that you have to question whether it is indeed limerence. I mean, they will keep coming back for a while but there will be a certain point where they give up hoping for that free lunch, whereas a limerent NEVER gives up hope, lol

Incidentally, I could say my limerence is mutual without the sexual component. Sex doesn't equate to a mutual desire for the other. Sex is just acting out that desire. My counsellor told me LO seduced me. Pulled me over to the other side where they have cake. But did I receive a disclosure?

I'd say that if it was mutual limerence then neither is narcissistic as you mentioned above, just two people wanting to be wanted. I'd also say that if the LS had a PA with a non-limerent, then the LO is more than narcissistic because they are cashing in on the limerent's obsession. On the flipside, if it was mutual than you have two needy people using each others obsession. In this case both narcissistic?

At the end of the day, we can only take responsibility for our own actions.

[L-F]

Peter, what's to say your LO isn't limerent for you? Sounds like she likes your company. Smiles at you, etc.

Can she tell you are limerent?

Perhaps it's mutual?

See how limerents like to make assumptions about other people? You'll never know unless you both disclose to each other.

Keep in mind, not all affairs equates to limerence. Some people can happily have an affair and not fret over it (not be obsessed about checking in on their FWB or paid sex worker because they know they'll be there when they need them, in other words, feel secure about the arrangement).

[peter.rabbit]

Peter, what's to say your LO isn't limerent for you? Sounds like she likes your company. Smiles at you, etc.

There was a time when my delusions had me convinced that she was Limerent for me. I no longer think that, but if she is in fact Limerent for me, then she would have to be majorly playing-it-safe .

Can she tell you are limerent?
Perhaps it's mutual?

I can't imagine how she would not know, my perception is that everyone in our group knows. But, maybe I'm a better actor than I give myself credit for.....

[David]

[quote=peter.rabbit post_id=75165 time=1625714751 u
I can't imagine how she would not know, my perception is that everyone in our group knows. But, maybe I'm a better actor than I give myself credit for.....
[/quote]

With my own LE I told my LO I had a crush on her initially, I talked to her about limerence and I even brought her Tenov’s book on limericks. That was after a few weeks of knowing her.

Six months later when I confessed I was limerence for her in a psychotherapy group she was absolutely blindsided and said she had no idea. I came away perplexed as to how could she be so clueless?. Maybe what we think we are communicating isn’t what is being heard?

It’s impossible to know what our LO’s are thinking and feeling and anything is possible.

[L-F]

With my own LE I told my LO I had a crush on her initially, I talked to her about limerence and I even brought her Tenov’s book on limericks. That was after a few weeks of knowing her.

Im sorry David. I'm so so sorry...

But



I
Can't
Help



That made me laugh out loud. How could she not know right?!?

The things we limerents do. My counsellor cracked up laughing when I told her my 'oh-no-she-didn't!!!' moment. Those moments when you question whether if you are courageous or stupid!

"Courage is knowing it might hurt and doing it anyway.
Stupidity is the same.
And that's why life is hard"

[virusbkk]

Peter, what's to say your LO isn't limerent for you? Sounds like she likes your company. Smiles at you, etc.

Can she tell you are limerent?

Perhaps it's mutual?

See how limerents like to make assumptions about other people? You'll never know unless you both disclose to each other.

Keep in mind, not all affairs equates to limerence. Some people can happily have an affair and not fret over it (not be obsessed about checking in on their FWB or paid sex worker because they know they'll be there when they need them, in other words, feel secure about the arrangement).

I really don't mean to hi-jack somebody's else's thread, but you raise some interesting points L-F.
I hadn't thought of limerence in a mutual sense.

I was recently wondering if my affair/LO even caught feelings for me at any point?
I couldn't be sure since limerence had compromised my judgement.
Now that some time has past, perhaps you could provide some post-mortem female perspective.

Think it was about a month in [9th date],
when she wanted to get together for dinner at a nearby mall.
Great chemistry as usual - frequent kissing and touching. We finished up dinner and went to a coffee shop.
We were cuddled up in a corner, chatting and I was playing with her hair.
I kissed her spontaneously & suddenly she gave me this coy/happy smile.
It was chilly that day, so after leaving the coffee shop, we were walking with my arm around her.
While talking an escalator down to the taxi area,
I kissed her a few more times and she leaned in to rest her head against me and kept it there.

On that specific day, I had a bad case of an upset stomach, so wasn't a 100%.
I told her I'd be staying in the next day to rest up. She seemed a little disappointed,
but recovered quickly and said she'd meet her colleagues for dinner and an outing instead,
and we could meet the day after [Sat] - there were no prior plans made - we just took it for granted that we'd spend the weekend together.
I kissed her goodbye, put her in a taxi, and went my own way.
She messaged me moments later that she'd reached home, but the taxi ride had left her feeling sickly.

The following morning, she texted me to ask how I was feeling,
and we we continued texting throughout the day, with her sending pics of the outing + dinner.
She mentioned that she hadn't slept well the previous night,
and said we could meet on Sat in the daytime if I wanted.
She asked me again how I was in the evening, and we continued texting until I went to bed.

I touched base with her the following day [Sat] if she wanted to get together, but she declined
saying that had not slept well again the previous night and had lost her appetite.
I told her it would have been nice to see her, but wished her well & went about my way.

Obviously, my limerent brain went to overdrive thinking something was going on,
based on the symptoms she described - nausea, lack of sleep and loss of appetite.

This was probably garden-variety fatigue or could there have been some truth to my assumption after all?

[peter.rabbit]

I was recently wondering if my affair/LO even caught feelings for me at any point?

@virusbkk, I read & re-read your post an came away with the impression that rather than having a Limerent Event complete with an LO, it sounds like what you have is a full-on Legit girlfriend.

[L-F]

This was probably garden-variety fatigue or could there have been some truth to my assumption after all?

Did she have feelings for you? Yes! Are they limerent feelings? I don't know.

It’s impossible to know what our LO’s are thinking and feeling

... because people lie, project, wear a mask, have ulterior motives, etc.

My guess is she wouldn't text you to see how you were going if she didn't care. Just my thoughts.