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I'm stuck. Help?!

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theorina38
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

theorina38 wrote: Sat Sep 04, 2021 8:37 am
theorina38 wrote: Thu Aug 19, 2021 7:01 am
AMA210 wrote: Wed Aug 18, 2021 8:19 pm Well, haven't seen a post like this in a long time, perhaps never. :D

Could it actually be true that an LO is in the process of waking up?
No, I think LO is way ahead of me and already awake. He figured me out after I had disclosed. He told me flat out.
Any thoughts on this? Why did he tell me?!
I know I'm overthinking 😁😁

What I think LO was telling me, indirectly and likely unintionally, is that he's a serial.

I've come to believe that there is a stronger-than-average bond between the two of us.
We know it's never going to happen and yet feed the attraction. We are caught in the push & pull dance. Sharing intimacies, feeling 'seen' - this is what really cements the bonding experience. It's not an authentic friendship connection, it's a deeper desire, coming from our childhood experiences.
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
AMA210
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by AMA210 »

Hi.
Not sure what "he is a serial" means exactly.

I think that you would gain insight and perspective from my website/blog, in terms of the strong energetic connection with LO.
Just click on my name to get to my profile and the link is there.
:)
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
theorina38
Posts: 47
Joined: Sat May 29, 2021 4:15 pm
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

AMA210 wrote: Fri Sep 10, 2021 3:10 pm Hi.
Not sure what "he is a serial" means exactly.

I think that you would gain insight and perspective from my website/blog, in terms of the strong energetic connection with LO.
Just click on my name to get to my profile and the link is there.
:)
He has previous experience and maybe multiple limerence episodes/relationships…. I know it sounds crazy. But I'm pretty sure. I'm the one he never dated but he still feels some bond.

Thanks for sharing the link! I'll check it out!
Last edited by theorina38 on Tue Sep 14, 2021 12:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
theorina38
Posts: 47
Joined: Sat May 29, 2021 4:15 pm
Gender:
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

theorina38 wrote: Fri Sep 10, 2021 8:37 am I've come to believe that there is a stronger-than-average bond between the two of us.
We know it's never going to happen and yet feed the attraction.
What I meant was that I have had my LO in my life now for >10 years. I've hit the 10 year threshold and I've read that it's very rare.
Two people who are limerent for each other have no awareness and the intensity of the experience is very consuming!!!

I still think about him way more than I should - and the whole experience. I find I dwell on it when I'm alone quite a bit.
I feel like I've been walking blindfolded!

A lot of my insecurities are rooted in my past - I guess the same applies to all of us. Some of these roots go deep and take some pulling out. But if I don't pull them out, I'll continue to sabotage my present. I just started seeing a psychotherapist and she told me I'm a good candidate for EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)….

I love my SO and our life together is absolutely the one that I want. I just gotta keep going; this experience will eventually give me my life back.

All the best to my fellow sufferers and thank you for listening!
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
theorina38
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

I wanted to share this in case it helps others

The Subtle Effects of Trauma – Living in a Fantasy
https://khironclinics.com/blog/living-in-a-fantasy/
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
theorina38
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

Lindsay wrote: Wed Jun 16, 2021 7:14 pm Hang in there Theorina, it’s quite a painful experience. I would not go back though. It has been a spiritual awakening for me. I think around mid life, most people have (or have had) trials and suffering that nudges them to think more spiritually and start searching for meaning and purpose. There are lows, days where I can barely function, sadness and longing so strong I want to die. But other days I see the beauty in the balance of opposites in the universe, in the divine love I feel of God. I feel comforted and know everything will be alright. Life isn’t supposed to be easy peasy all the time and honestly, this trial is better than some others for sure. What helps me is journaling and getting everything out, as eventually I turn more positive and find the areas I’m wanting to pursue and that excite me. Find the things you love and focus on those. You have everything you need within yourself. It’s all there. Nobody can give you that sense of contentment and joy…… it’s all within… always has been and always will be.
Beautifully put, Lindsay! Thanks for sharing this!!
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
theorina38
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

David wrote: Thu Jul 15, 2021 1:55 pm tThere is saying that goes:

"when its hysterical, its historical" Hysterical in this context means any strong reaction, feeling affronted, offended and so forth.

Any form of being triggered is a hysterical reaction to something historical. Yes the other person may be irritating, however there is still a deeper script running in your brain that is being "offended". That is your historical programming.

Had never heard the phrase about hysterical and historical, but it is so true!! I mean…. After I sent that text, everything just kind of spiraled out of control. I remember feeling very, very fragile. I felt like I was in a constant state of shock. Shock at the strength of my own emotions, at how I could feel so much for a person.

It was so difficult for me to figure out what was happening. I don't really know the right words, but... you have your theories and still try to rationalize the whole thing… never try to logically analyze emotions, it's impossible. My body's stress response went into overdrive (= severe anxiety). It was exhausting and took about three months to start getting somewhat back to normal.

After three months I explained to LO what I had been going through and fortunately he was very understanding. And he felt there was no point in hiding anymore. That is why he told me it's mutual.

I have the wonderful luck that my LO is a smart person. He has a great attitude and a lot of integrity. I therefore do not feel screwed. I think I'm in a VERY fortunate minority.

I don't know what else to say. It's been a heck of a ride. And I am still in the middle of it... definitely over the worst stage but...
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
theorina38
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

theorina38 wrote: Wed Sep 22, 2021 1:21 pm After three months I explained to LO what I had been going through and fortunately he was very understanding. And he felt there was no point in hiding anymore. That is why he told me it's mutual.

I have the wonderful luck that my LO is a smart person. He has a great attitude and a lot of integrity. I therefore do not feel screwed. I think I'm in a VERY fortunate minority.

Wait… self-awareness. I have a good grasp on why he felt and did the things he did. Limerence is very self-centered, it always wants something back from the LO.
I was very naive on one side and very wicked & irresponsible on the other. I made it more exciting to him and I don't even think he's got the self-awareness to realize how screwed up he is…


EDIT. I think loneliness is the big keyword here. Emotional loneliness.
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
theorina38
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

Thoughts on trauma and flashbacks

(trigger warning, things might get a little intense as this post contains sensitive topics like abusive parent)

Hey all, hope everyone is well! Thank you all, the ones who have already and perhaps the ones who will after I post this, for sharing your experiences. You guys are amazing people, every single one of you, regardless of what past you have, what you have faced. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

I discussed EMDR with my therapist but I didn't need it.

I was at home, doing usual stuff. Then out of nowhere, a memory came in just like that!
…I think it was because I was thinking about my childhood more than usual, so…

The brain is great at protecting itself and pushing horrible memories deep down. Trauma can cause you to selectively forget that the event has happened. This is called dissociation, if you're curious. Dissociation is your brain's way of coping with trauma by separating itself from reality.

In my experience, uncovering a memory hurts deeply. It was incredibly painful, I felt this sudden panic set in, it was like my whole world shattered.
I couldn't stop thinking about it for the next few weeks and I needed professional help processing all of it so I could discard it.

I'll spare the details but I was physically abused by my father when I was young. I was in my early teens when he hurt me. I don't even remember what the root of the conflict was and it doesn't matter, violence is always wrong.

I have spent a lot of time thinking and sobbing, it has not been easy, but I have a great support system (my SO included).
But I'm so grateful the truth is now out. I feel sad but also right, like the world makes sence now.

I will be forever grateful to LO for everything he has done for me. He knew exatcly what to say because of his ex gf. And I'm so glad I didn't tell him to fuck off. Thank you for all the reality checks, but sometimes, you just have to trust your gut and take a chance on people. I am no longer obsessing over him, but I still like him a whole lot.

L-F wrote: Sun Jul 04, 2021 4:49 pm
As I mentioned Cookie, it's to see another perspective (which might help others).

Its not about saying both are narcissists and leaving it at that
Its about recognising the wounds you both share and moving forward
Seeing the mirror image is to see the sameness (same wounds - wound mates)
This grows compassion, kindness and empathy
This leads to forgiveness
This is not about LO, it's about the mirror image
Self

Forgiveness release oneself from the pain of being a victim

A very special thanks to L-F for helping on my journey @};- @};-
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
L-F
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by L-F »

Namasté - this Sanskrit word brings about the essence of oneness, and an understanding of the true nature of reality.

Namasté translated:
I honor the place in you where the entire universe dwells.
I bow to the place in you that is love, light, and joy.
When you and I bow to our true nature, we are one.
My soul recognizes your soul.
We are the same, we are one.
I honor the place in you that is the same as it is in me.
The divine light in me bows to the divine light within you.


Namasté
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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