I'm stuck. Help?!

[L-F]

Good. I mean, not good, sorry you feel this way, but GOOD. This is your soul waking up and doing a giant WTF?!??!?!?

Cookie, I know you're referring and addressing the OP, but just as a suggestion, since I'm assuming you experienced your soul waking up too, is it possible to go beyond LO and look at the source of that anger?

Also, and shoot me if you will, can you reread your entire last post by replacing LO with Cookie? It might just help to expand your awareness. It doesn't prove anything. If you find yourself 'trembling with anger' with this suggestion, perhaps try it with someone else's post. Switch LO with the OP to get a different perspective. But choose an OP where you know their background story.

I feel, we often write about our other half, of self.

And.

I feel, what we complain about is what we become. Just my opinion.

[Cookie]

Good. I mean, not good, sorry you feel this way, but GOOD. This is your soul waking up and doing a giant WTF?!??!?!?

Cookie, I know you're referring and addressing the OP, but just as a suggestion, since I'm assuming you experienced your soul waking up too, is it possible to go beyond LO and look at the source of that anger?

Also, and shoot me if you will, can you reread your entire last post by replacing LO with Cookie? It might just help to expand your awareness. It doesn't prove anything. If you find yourself 'trembling with anger' with this suggestion, perhaps try it with someone else's post. Switch LO with the OP to get a different perspective. But choose an OP where you know their background story.

I feel, we often write about our other half, of self.

And.

I feel, what we complain about is what we become. Just my opinion.

Sorry that you didn't get the nuance of my post, L-F. Why do you think I said, "Then I had to work on my own betrayal."?

I find that anger at the LO is often the necessary catalyst that those of us in reciprocal (at some level) relationships need to get us moving in the right direction. The direction OUT and then THROUGH. That wasn't your situation, so you don't know these feelings firsthand.

When we realize and accept the mirroring aspect, we're at another (higher) level of this. Absolutely. Pretty sure Theorina isn't there yet though.

It's like that first day in therapy when you blame everything on your mother. Doesn't end there but ya gotta start somewhere.

[L-F]

When we realize and accept the mirroring aspect, we're at another (higher) level of this. Absolutely. Pretty sure Theorina isn't there yet though.

I know. That's why I was addressing you.

The limerent will see what they don't want to see when they are ready to see.

[L-F]

Our experience as more enlightened limerents helps others. I learnt from those who had travelled through limerence. What I saw was courage to face oneself. I wanted to be like them. Brave AND on the other side.

If I had an affair I would have written what you wrote about LO yet swapped roles, for example, instead of LO used L-F, and replaced me with SO. This gives me a better picture of who I really am. I would have gaslighted SO when lying about where I was going, thus making me no different to LO.

[Cookie]

Our experience as more enlightened limerents helps others. I learnt from those who had travelled through limerence. What I saw was courage to face oneself. I wanted to be like them. Brave AND on the other side.

If I had an affair I would have written what you wrote about LO yet swapped roles, for example, instead of LO used L-F, and replaced me with SO. This gives me a better picture of who I really am. I would have gaslighted SO when lying about where I was going, thus making me no different to LO.

It's great to read how woke you are, L-F. What a journey it's been for you over these many years.

My point to theorina, here early on her path, was to start looking at LO in a different light and not keep coming back to the myth that he's some great friend who must be kept at all costs. There's a reason mental health professionals advocate so strongly for NC in dealing with narcissistic relationships. It's an important step to take as you start working on yourself...otherwise you keep coming back to them instead of you.

In terms of me putting myself in the example I gave, I have done pretty much nothing but self-reflection for the last year(s) and take complete responsibility for my role in limerence and these faux connections. I've been able to forge much better relationships with my SO, my mother and other family members, and my adult children--no small feat in my world.

And that specific example doesn't really work as the projection you imply. But I've got plenty of others that do.

[theorina38]

When we realize and accept the mirroring aspect, we're at another (higher) level of this. Absolutely. Pretty sure Theorina isn't there yet though.

So true. Definitely not there yet. I really appreciate all your help. Cookie & L-F both oy you.

[L-F]

Sorry for hijacking thread theorina

As I mentioned Cookie, it's to see another perspective (which might help others).

Its not about saying both are narcissists and leaving it at that
Its about recognising the wounds you both share and moving forward
Seeing the mirror image is to see the sameness (same wounds - wound mates)
This grows compassion, kindness and empathy
This leads to forgiveness
This is not about LO, it's about the mirror image
Self

Forgiveness release oneself from the pain of being a victim

[Cookie]

Sorry for hijacking thread theorina

As I mentioned Cookie, it's to see another perspective (which might help others).

Its not about saying both are narcissists and leaving it at that
Its about recognising the wounds you both share and moving forward
Seeing the mirror image is to see the sameness (same wounds - wound mates)
This grows compassion, kindness and empathy
This leads to forgiveness
This is not about LO, it's about the mirror image
Self

Forgiveness release oneself from the pain of being a victim

Didn't say anything about "leaving it at that."

You continue to make arrogant assumptions about how far along OTHERS are in their journey and what they do and don't understand about this.

I was encouraging theorina to use her anger as a catalyst to cut ties with LO as a first step. "Then I had to work on my own betrayal."

Once again, L-F, you will ruin this forum with your sad, self-serving reasons for being here. Hiding behind your new mask of enlightened teacher. Namaste.

~~~~~~~~~~

Good luck, theorina!

[mycorona]

@L-F
You're being a bit of a "dog with a bone" here L-F. Just saying.

We can all psycho analyse in an amateur way up our own asses!

In Cookie's defence - she's a really interesting member with good ideas, a lot to contribute and at least as much experience and wisdom to impart here in order to help others on this path of pain as the rest of us. She's sure helped me. It's not good or productive to analyse other people's posts again and again. Better to just post your own helpful ideas and leave others to do the same.

[JupiterTaco]

I know for me anyway, it was partially true for each former LO, that they were in ways mirrors of myself, partially because I mostly possibly saw them as objects, and also partially because they all inhibited traits I either wanted for myself, was taught not to like about myself but had, or some combination of both. I could write paragraphs about all that...

I'll talk about 4th and 5th LO for now since my indoctrination into the wage-slave mindset and how it's affected me so negatively, has been on my mind of recent.

4th and 5th LOs were both former coworkers of mine. I don't want to say they were lazy but they both had excuses to get away with less work which I know annoyed me.

I was never taught to relax, have fun and enjoy myself. I was taught to have much disdain for "lazy" people and that if everybody worked hard, nobody would have any problems.

Since NC with FOO who instilled this mindset in me rather aggressively because I looked like my dad, who my mom said was lazy, I've learned to stop, enjoy the moment, relax, get rest, etc. And that I played the victim in these situations because I was taught that.