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I'm stuck. Help?!

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Spadge100
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by Spadge100 »

Hi Theorina

I think the pandemic must have definitely increased limerence in that our freedoms were largely taken away from us and our lives changed dramatically and quickly.

I am fairly sure I wouldn’t have found myself in limerence were it not for the pandemic, but who’s to know for sure.

Focusing on you is definitely the way forward. As we are all narcissists anyway that should be easy for all of us!! We just have to do it in a healthy way which is the slightly trickier bit!

Good luck all 😃😃
theorina38
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

Spadge100 wrote: Thu Jul 15, 2021 8:05 pm Hi Theorina

I think the pandemic must have definitely increased limerence in that our freedoms were largely taken away from us and our lives changed dramatically and quickly.

I am fairly sure I wouldn’t have found myself in limerence were it not for the pandemic, but who’s to know for sure.

Focusing on you is definitely the way forward. As we are all narcissists anyway that should be easy for all of us!! We just have to do it in a healthy way which is the slightly trickier bit!

Good luck all 😃😃
Thank you, Spadge100! I wish there was a ’like button’ here 😄
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
David
Site Admin
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by David »

theorina38 wrote: Sun Jul 18, 2021 3:51 pm
Thank you, Spadge100! I wish there was a ’like button’ here 😄
[/quote]

this has often been requested - I cant seem to find an add on for the platform as the system does not come with one
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
theorina38
Posts: 47
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

Okay, update. This is crazy you gyus. The kind of experience that leaves you shaken to your core - LO talking to me about childhood trauma/fears of abandonment. That we are shaped, consciously or unconsciously, by our parents' insecurities.

He knows.

Do you guys ever think about how obvious you come off to your LO?!
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
AMA210
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by AMA210 »

Well, haven't seen a post like this in a long time, perhaps never. :D

Could it actually be true that an LO is in the process of waking up?
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
theorina38
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

AMA210 wrote: Wed Aug 18, 2021 8:19 pm Well, haven't seen a post like this in a long time, perhaps never. :D

Could it actually be true that an LO is in the process of waking up?
No, I think LO is way ahead of me and already awake. He figured me out after I had disclosed. He told me flat out.

I don't know if LO knows about limerence but he is definitely aware of his fantasy life.

I should have acknowledged this whole thing years ago! I have an uncanny memory when it comes to things I have told him in the past and I'm pretty sure I have played a part in his rescue fantasies at some point.
Last edited by theorina38 on Fri Sep 24, 2021 12:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
theorina38
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

I've come a long way - the fog has lifted!
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
theorina38
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by theorina38 »

I know exactly what hooked me - I was needing this guy because he was reassuring and comforting, something I desperately craved. It was absolutely a coping mechanism for me. A distraction.

I don't want to underestimate how hard these struggles can be! It might take a lifetime to solve the problem of why you fall so spectacularly for some people. You need to address this need.

To begin to unravel the causes is difficult enough, but doing it while under the spell of limerence… far harder! You have to have the strength to articulate what's going on in your mind; you are seeking relief from an emotional ache that you feel someone else can fix.

And sometimes, the origin of these drives can be pretty grim - childhood trauma, something that we don't even remember; even your parent's own childhood trauma.

Fears of abandonment stem from my childhood. I really had to dig deep.

A few years ago I thought my LO was a twin flame, because that's the only thing that I found to describe it before finding out about limerence. There's similarities; immediate intense bonding from the beginning, among some unexplainable coincidences. BUT I remain sceptical!!
I can clearly see now, it's all glimmer. And I have recognized the early stages; LO building trust. And this is NOT just me trying to convince myself! He kept moving close to me, pressing his arm against me, asking if I am okay, buying me lunch, that kind of stuff ;)
Last edited by theorina38 on Fri Sep 24, 2021 12:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
L-F
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by L-F »

Do you guys ever think about how obvious you come off to your LO?!


Yes I do!
Good to read your update!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
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Re: I'm stuck. Help?!

Post by L-F »

"A few years ago I thought my LO was a twin flame, because that's the only thing that I found to describe it before finding out about limerence. There's similarities; immediate intense bonding from the beginning, among some unexplainable coincidences."



I did too!  I believe they are similar in many ways.  Limerence takes an eclectic approach though the person who coined the term was an American psychologist, while Twin Flames takes a spiritual approach.  Yet the storyline appears the same.

One twin wakes up to discover 'how' and 'what' the other twin triggers within them, and sets off to do some heavy lifting.  They also understand that their twin has inner healing work of their own to do, such as shadow work (integrating shadows). 
The woke twin knows that a union is not possible until BOTH twins have healed their past trauma, and that this work may not be completed in their lifetime.   Twins believe it can take many lifetimes before reaching the stage of being healed enough to finally unite.  It's quite common for one to believe they are a twin while the other has no understanding of the concept.

If they get together before their wounds have been addressed, their passion is explosive and becomes an all-consuming obsession leaving their short-lived relationship in tatters.

Sounds very much like limerence to me if you believe in reincarnation.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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