Well, I messed up!

[DreamingBlue]

I Refollowed her on Instagram. I just couldn’t take not seeing what was going on with her.

it was killing me. And now she probably just noticed for the first time that I unfollowed her and now refollowed- now what the hell is she going to think when I unfollow her again?

Ugh. And I was making so much progress! but shutting myself out of her life was just too much -can these images help me? seeing her in a new life with a new boyfriend?Or can they only bring pain and more longing?

I am still so so tempted for a semi disclosure to explain my behavior but I really should get it into my thick head that she likely doesn’t give a shit about me at all.

[L-F]

-can these images help me? seeing her in a new life with a new boyfriend?Or can they only bring pain and more longing?

It depends on what you're wired for. Are you pain driven or happiness driven?

Limerence doesn't care if she likes you or not.

Hoping today is a little easier on you

[DreamingBlue]

I honestly don't know! I became closer with her because talking to her made me feel happy. But was I secretly drawn to the inevitable pain that I knew would come, as I am with an SO? I've always had long, pining crushes. Am I addicted to pain?

[AMA210]

I think that the pain that limerence involves forces us to feel everything intensely. It makes us feel that we are alive.
This would apply to me because I had always stuffed my emotions as a young child because I was not taught how to express them in a healthy way. Both of my parents were not emotionally available and it was so much easier to sweep everything under the rug. This caused me to develop a temper that persisted into adulthood and up until I met LO. I had never felt such a range of emotions every in my life and this forced me to express them. In the first year of LE, I cried for the entire time from the extreme highs and lows of it. I recall literally crying every day for hours at a time, for an entire week and any prolonged absence from LO caused a wretched emptiness that could only be filed with his presence. The memories of lying on the bed in a fetal position and crying from the depths of my soul was excruciating.
Although in retrospect, I had to go through this, and I can honestly say that now, going through that and coming out on the other side, well, my temper has ceased to exist, as I have learned to express all of those emotions and give myself the permission to do so and be ok with it.

[DreamingBlue]

I am so glad you came out on the other side. I’m sorry you had to go through that.

I am hoping I come out of this learning how to be a peaceful person without so much want, and more appreciative of SO.

[AMA210]

I am so glad you came out on the other side. I’m sorry you had to go through that.

I am hoping I come out of this learning how to be a peaceful person without so much want, and more appreciative of SO.

A very difficult series of battles to get to the other side. Two steps forward, one step back. I think one of the keys to victory is to never give up trying, no matter what. I fought like hell for over two years to take all of my power back and to get sanity and control over my life back. This was extremely difficult, but I refused to give up until the battle was won.
(Gosh, I am crying just writing this)

There is no need to apologize, DB, although I do appreciate the sentiment, but doing that brought me back to myself. It was necessary. Think of the process of transformation in the butterfly.

Start with the above as a daily intention. I want to be a peaceful person. I want to have more appreciation.
IMO, I think at this point, given that you are fully immersed in the limerence, leaving SO out of it might be better for now. It's just not possible to suddenly wake up one day and say that SO is much better than LO. Well, you can say that, but just not true!