Thinking of a previous LO

[Struck613]

I've been limerent for my current LO since around March 2020. I'm also seeing her on Wednesday for the first time since then (my LE coincided with the start of covid restrictions, so luckily I haven't had to see her everyday as I otherwise would've since we used to be coworkers). I've been doing better lately and not thinking about her as much. Even still, you'd think the fact that I'm going to see her next week would be consuming my thoughts. And while to an extent it has, it's my old LO that has really been on my mind of late.

Again, I've been limerent with my current LO for over a year. But for some reason at some point during the last year (probably like September or October 2020) I decided to google my old LO and I saw she was engaged. I didn't remember the exact date, but I knew saw her wedding date was in June. This being a Saturday in June, it occurred to me it could be today and so I looked her up again. Sure enough, today is the day she got married. I never actually spoke to this person -- the most we ever did was exchange smiles -- but part of me is genuinely happy for her that she is seemingly happy and has found someone that will make her happy. Part of me is also very sad reflecting on this day. Not because she's now married and it means I won't ever magically end up with her. I gave up on that a while ago. But I spent two years of my life obsessing over this woman, and now two years later the contrast between us is that for her, it's her wedding day. For me, it's just another day of my now roughly 1.5 years of being limerent with someone else.

It's just making me reflect on the fact that I don't know how I get out of this cycle. I'll move on from my current LO at some point -- I already have to a large degree over the last month -- but I'm just going to experience this with someone else. My current LO has been with her SO for about 6 months, and basically I just don't have any confidence that I won't be in the same boat in two years that I am now -- seeing her happy and getting married while I'm knee deep in limerence with someone else.

Edit: This is pretty unrelated, but thinking of my old LO has me remembering the kinds of things I used to think were "cosmic signs" from the universe. Like my old LO is three days older than me. Extremely unremarkable. There are tons of people in the universe the exact same age as me, or one or two days older. But I used to think the fact that we were born in the same year, just three days apart meant something. Same thing with my current LO -- we have the same initials. And for some reason I think that means we're destined to be together.

[AMA210]

I would agree that the LO's hold somewhat of a destined feel about them. A fated meeting. Also, with the prevalence of twin flame theories, it's easier to convince ourselves that this person is the only one for us in the entire universe and that if we let go of them, there will be no one else.

I was convinced that LO was my eternal soulmate and my twin flame - falling victim to this belief and going as far as giving him a book on the topic. I spent over a year believing this and adding up all of the coincidences that surrounded it. I spent so much time watching the videos on YouTube and lots of money having readings done from one particular twin flame reader.

My beliefs are changing now regarding this and since this type of surreal connection is possible, it could happen again with someone else in a healthier way.

I think that all of the synchronicities that I experienced were actually a product of my own manifestations and until I learned and understood how energy works and how the thoughts we have create our reality, that is when the beliefs around twin flames began to change.

Aside from that, I think that until you do the inner work or heavy lifting on yourself, the obsession/limerence for someone else will continue to appear in your life.

I think that all that we find in the LO is actually missing within ourselves, and they tend to fill in gaps for us. The inner work begins to identify what those holes are - those missing pieces - and then to work on filling them ourself. As an example, LO filled that attention hole, so instead of getting it from him, I learned how to give attention to myself, thus not needing him to do this.

[Struck613]

I agree. Since I never really knew my previous LO, it should be clear to me that all of this springs out of something within myself. I found her attractive, but otherwise I knew nothing about her meaning that everything I attributed to her and assumed made her this perfect soulmate, by default that must've been me projecting. I rationally understand this to be true, but there's still parts of me that don't want to put in the inner work because if I wait just a little bit longer, I'll end up in the perfect fairy tale ending with LO anyway (which again, I know to be false).

[AMA210]

I agree. Since I never really knew my previous LO, it should be clear to me that all of this springs out of something within myself. I found her attractive, but otherwise I knew nothing about her meaning that everything I attributed to her and assumed made her this perfect soulmate, by default that must've been me projecting. I rationally understand this to be true, but there's still parts of me that don't want to put in the inner work because if I wait just a little bit longer, I'll end up in the perfect fairy tale ending with LO anyway (which again, I know to be false).

YES, exactly this!!

I knew very little about my LO on a personal level and much of what I learned was the result of my "private investigation" abilities that surfaced. A lot of shocking information, like not mentioning he was already divorced once.

I had that same fairytale ending too!
Now I am looking at the fantasy vs real person/relationship. I started a thread on this very topic.
Of course, it is so much easier to get caught up in the fantasy of who we want them to be, but at the very least is escapism. I was in this fantasy world for five freakin' years, so no timeframe on it. Although, when you feel ready to tackle the reality of it, you will.