Limerent brain wants an exception to break NC!

[DreamingBlue]

It's basically a situation where a project I was working on for a long time is finished, and I'm pretty sure LO knows.

I'm in NC with her, but I so, so, so need her compliments, congrats, I want to cry a little on her shoulder, how much I'll miss this project, what it meant, etc

Absolute torture. But this isn't about her. I need to move on, without her. To say it's hard is such an understatement.

[Cookie]

Another bucket of ice water here.

She doesn't care about your project, how much you'll miss it, and how much it means to you. Zero, zilch, nada, none.

I realize the pain of accepting that truth. But they really don't care about us and our lives and feelings. If they did, we wouldn't be here.

You're right, this isn't about her. I wonder why it's so important to get her interest and approval? I wonder what this really represents for you?

Focus on you. And congratulations on finishing the project!!!

[DreamingBlue]

She's a fan of my work. I know that much to be true. So it's hard. I'd love a little more of her admiration here. Would love it.

[mycorona]

Dreaming, you'll stop when you're ready to stop, that much I know. You know the reality of this situation but you can't yet accept it. I know, I've been there. I feel I'm ready to stop now but you never know. Im hopeful that I've had enough heartbreak.

[DreamingBlue]

I know, what the fuck? Is THAT what I'm longing for? More heartbreak?

Because that's what I'd get. My brain wants me to believe she is meaningful, so I am linking her to this meaningful day. As if she/the thought of her hasn't robbed enough of my time, I'm letting her in again to steal more??? F that! This is my day, and my wife is at my side. She has been since the beginning.

[mycorona]

Dreaming...You're driving yourself crazy! If you want to indulge it, then indulge it. It will come to an end eventually, believe me. You may not yet be ready to end it - I don't think you are ready. Limerence doesn't care how often you tell yourself that your SO is patient, wonderful, loving and there at your side. Your heart has a mind of its own! And remember it's not a matter of will power or mind over matter. It's more a matter of reaching the end of your rope because you can't stand any more pain and longing and finally letting go of it.

Good luck

[DreamingBlue]

It literally feels involuntary.
It’s an “automatic thought.”

I’ve fused with it so much it’s part of
my identity. So I don’t know how to let go of that.

Time and patience I guess.

[Spadge100]

Dreaming Blue

Time and patience with NC is the only way. Eventually the brain lets go of the hope and uncertainty and comes to terms with it. You learn to live with it. It doesn’t go, it stays but for me the memories trigger less and less of an emotional response. At times it does but it’s nowhere near as intense.

The whole process is painful and hard but it happens and accepting that is part of the journey. It’s no ones fault, no one owes us anything, we just eventually with work learn to take ownership back of our own happiness.

I know the end is somewhere for me to it all. I find my thoughts change now, feel more distant somehow. I imagine I will always be changed by it as it taught me a lot about myself, my past and that actually coming to terms with this was more important than the limerence.

Good luck DB, you will make it

[DreamingBlue]

Thank you so much. My greatest fear is this will never end. I’ll die in my 70s in love with her, a hole in my heart.

[AMA210]

Thank you so much. My greatest fear is this will never end. I’ll die in my 70s in love with her, a hole in my heart.

If the LO was a catalyst for personal transformation and a discovery of who you are as a person, then, yes, there will always be a space in the heart that will be occupied by the LO, no matter how much time has passed. This would apply in my experience.

Any effort to push that out completely and/or attempt to forget that it ever happened are fruitless endeavors, in my opinion. The key is to be grateful for all that was learned on a personal level through the limerence experience and to let them go and be respectful of their journey.