Today marks 2.5 months of NC with my LO

[virusbkk]

It's been exactly 2.5 months since my LO ended things - I went into NC immediately.
Am I currently in a better place overall, compared to 2.5 months ago?

I would like to think so.
I've made a new circle of friends, am trying to working on the gaps in my marriage,
and have a regular exercise regimen to strengthen my physical & mental fortitude.

Truth be told, the LO still occupies my thoughts for most of the time,
but the feelings are less intense - like a lingering after-taste.

I still indulge in fantasies and replay events of our time together in my head,
but am able to snap out of it quickly.

However, the temptation to text her has recently been quite strong.
The longing to receive a text from her has been even stronger.
I believe she's on her summer break, so she should have free time.

The logical/mathematical part of my brain keeps telling me:
- She's already moved on - of course she has, it was a 1.5 months flash-in-the-pan romance/affair
- She didn't care about you/us - she said so herself!
- She didn't even like you that much
- Texting achieves nothing - she dumped you, where's your self-respect?
- Do you really want to get entangled again, if she's already with somebody else?

I'm confident I can resist the urge to text her,
but in terms of completely letting go of any false hope & fantasies, I have my work cut out for me.

The dance with limerence continues..

[Cookie]

Congratulations on the milestone, virus!!!

Friends, exercise, working on your marriage -- these are such positive things. I hope you find some joy in those moments.

I understand the temptation to text. During those times, I'd put my phone down or turn it off completely. You don't need that devil on your shoulder.

Please stay with NC. It's the only way (completely) out.

[IvB]

Hi virusbkk,

I understand and relate. I am in a very sporadic contact with LO, I guess he lost interest lately. I too try to concentrate on new friends, activities, workout. I try not to indulge in fantasies, they already have a bitter taste. The emotions, like you say, are mostly gone, it's just sadness. Everything is dull, emotionless. He pops up in my thoughts frequently but only as a kind of reminder of his existence, without emotions. Hopefully one day soon we will be able to spend a full day without thinking about them, that's a dream. Keep strong, the desire for contact comes and goes, after a moment of weakness comes strength and resolve again.

[L-F]

You're awesome yes you are!!!

Way to go Virusbkk! In such a short time too! You've certainly embraced all the concepts and applied them by the looks of it! No point learning something if you can't apply it.

Well freakin done!

[virusbkk]

You're awesome yes you are!!!

Way to go Virusbkk! In such a short time too! You've certainly embraced all the concepts and applied them by the looks of it! No point learning something if you can't apply it.

Well freakin done!

Thanks for the encouraging words L-F.
Although, I should be careful not to sugarcoat my progress.
If applying what we learnt was easy, we wouldn't be here!

I'm not out of the woods yet - I have frequent relapses each day,
during which the memories / fantasies of me + my LO are very powerful.
I had one barely an hour ago, as a matter of fact.

I feel like Mark in Trainspotting - the bedroom scene, after he's locked inside.
The process of breaking free and detoxing from the LO has been excruciating - no two ways about it.
I expect it will stay like this for quite a while.

However, distractions like friends, fitness and leisure activities are powerful tools -
they help put the ruminating thoughts in the backseat.

The final frontier is accepting reality and letting go of all false hope - I'm not there yet.

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep."

[virusbkk]

Congratulations on the milestone, virus!!!

Friends, exercise, working on your marriage -- these are such positive things. I hope you find some joy in those moments.

I understand the temptation to text. During those times, I'd put my phone down or turn it off completely. You don't need that devil on your shoulder.

Please stay with NC. It's the only way (completely) out.

Appreciate the encouraging words, Cookie.
Honestly, I find respite in those moments, not joy - but I'm content with that for now.

Yes, I will keep NC - I believe we are already past the point of no return.
I do not expect to hear from the LO ever again, and I certainly don't want to derail all my progress,
by initiating contact.

[L-F]

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep."

Oh if there's one thing I know, healing takes years! But you've grasped the basics really quickly! The rest is deeper inner work which takes you far far away from limerence.

[virusbkk]

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep."

The rest is deeper inner work which takes you far far away from limerence.

Agree - the deeper inner work is gonna be tough to say the least.
I had some strong fantasies about LO over the weekend,
and did the best I could to pull myself together - much better today.

I understand that there's something called affair withdrawal,
that has symptoms overlapping with limerence -
a potent, but deadly cocktail that is probably applicable to me.

[L-F]

I understand that there's something called affair withdrawal,
that has symptoms overlapping with limerence -
a potent, but deadly cocktail that is probably applicable to me.

What have you learned about affair withdrawal and the difference between limerence? Would be interesting to know.

[virusbkk]

I should correct myself - there are similarities between limerence and both (affairs & affair withdrawal)
Not too sure about the differences though.

Affairs & limerence are both regarded as living in fantasy - true

Breaking free from an LO and affair withdrawal are kind of the same,
because we're trying to free ourselves from the addiction/chasing the hit - true

Anxiety seems to be a fundamental part in both cases - true