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why all those with limerence are narcissistic

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David
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why all those with limerence are narcissistic

Post by David »

Sam Vakin is an expert of narcissism - ive referenced him before

In this video at 17 mins he talks about the idealization that narcissists do of the other person to get their narcissistic needs met. this is akin to what goes on in limerence

Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
virusbkk
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Re: why all those with limerence are narcissistic

Post by virusbkk »

Very interesting video - I like what he says about narcissists having the ability to show people the idealised version of one's self,
of course with the ulterior motive of having their needs met.

As I understand, limerence at it's root is self-serving / selfish / narcissistic correct?
It's always about you - e.g. "I want my LO to feel for ME what I feel about him/her",
but almost never unconditional.
David
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Re: why all those with limerence are narcissistic

Post by David »

virusbkk wrote: Mon Jul 12, 2021 11:07 am As I understand, limerence at it's root is self-serving / selfish / narcissistic correct?
It's always about you - e.g. "I want my LO to feel for ME what I feel about him/her",
but almost never unconditional.
Correct, Limerence is self serving, self centred and all about our wants, our needs, our desires, at any cost.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
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Re: why all those with limerence are narcissistic

Post by L-F »

Boom! Mic drop...

As much as I don't like the term, because let's face it, we're all narcissists here (side note... Often if you suggest this the BIGGEST narcissist is one who won't even remotely consider it) - that's why I think it should be normalised (and renamed), and not lumped into the DSM-IV version of NPD whereby it's an actual mental illness and difficult to treat. Instead, we're left with this women's magazine cultural explosion of the term whereby people (most often a narcissist) what to label other people with a mental illness.

In other words, if we just accept the damn notion it's no big deal. I'm a pop-culture narcissist. So what. I wanted LO. What limerent doesn't? Geesh-peesh... we need to learn to get over ourselves.

A healed person doesn't care what they are called!

My biggest bugbear is when non-clinical psychologists try to label their LO with a mental health issue [-x

Pop-culture narcissism is as common as depression and the common cold, IMO.

"I'm on the spectrum but not at the extreme end of the spectrum. I'm at the normal end"
Lol
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
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Re: why all those with limerence are narcissistic

Post by L-F »

Narcissists like to blame people
A healthy person looks at their own behaviour

IMO

This thread should be a sticky to remain at the top.

Got it! Replace 'nar' with 'lim' - read here first folks :))

Thus we all have limcissistic traits

And we're all limcissists! In limbo... waiting for our LOs!

And if do you come across these words, just think of L-F :-bd
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
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Re: why all those with limerence are narcissistic

Post by L-F »

Honestly, if you created a program to help people to open their minds to this, it could replace therapy.
It could be called 'The Radical Honesty Program'

I 100% support this notion/subject that David has raised.

Had I not been brave enough to look in the mirror (and accept my own self-centeredness), there is no way in hell I would have broken the limerence spell. Any thoughts of LO are similar to thinking about my pets - cute and, not intrusive. Zero desire to merge and mutate, or is that duplicate? Zero, desire.

The limerents narcissistic (limcissistic) traits are curable without drugs and fanfare. Awareness and acceptance ultimately leads to forgiveness, peace, and wound healing.

You can't want what you want at any cost without being self-centred. You simply can't.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
David
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Re: why all those with limerence are narcissistic

Post by David »

L-F wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 9:30 am Honestly, if you created a program to help people to open their minds to this, it could replace therapy.
It could be called 'The Radical Honesty Program'
I agree LF

Although Brad Blanton beat you to it with his book Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth

I read this early on in my limerence and it blew my mind
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
virusbkk
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Re: why all those with limerence are narcissistic

Post by virusbkk »

I've been thinking about this a lot, and there is an interesting dynamic that can come into play:

What if you're limerent for somebody, and the LO has narcissistic traits as well (maybe due to their attachment style)?
E.g. My ex-AP was most likely a Dismissive-Avoidant and definitely had certain narcissistic traits.

Limerent person longs for reciprocation, so he/she pulls out all the stops to try & make that happen - flattery, affection, attention etc.
However, these are done out of self-interest.

A narcissistic LO naturally responds well to above flattery,
and subconsciously may throw some breadcrumbs for the limerent, to keep them on the hook.
However, the uncertainty of LO's feelings may still remain, which fuels the limerent's desire even further,
and the cycle continues.

Does this create some sort of "narcissistic equilibrium" where a limerent's desire for reciprocation,
and a (narcissistic) LO's affinity for flattery and self-validation can sustain each other?

Maybe unsustainable in the long-term though?
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Re: why all those with limerence are narcissistic

Post by David »

virusbkk wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 10:27 am

Does this create some sort of "narcissistic equilibrium" where a limerent's desire for reciprocation,
and a (narcissistic) LO's affinity for flattery and self-validation can sustain each other?

Maybe unsustainable in the long-term though?
yes and yes in my experience - self implosion ultimately occurs
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
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Re: why all those with limerence are narcissistic

Post by L-F »

virusbkk wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 10:27 am
Limerent person longs for reciprocation, so he/she pulls out all the stops to try & make that happen - flattery, affection, attention etc.
However, these are done out of self-interest.

A narcissistic LO naturally responds well to above flattery,
and subconsciously may throw some breadcrumbs for the limerent, to keep them on the hook.
However, the uncertainty of LO's feelings may still remain, which fuels the limerent's desire even further,
and the cycle continues.

Does this create some sort of "narcissistic equilibrium" where a limerent's desire for reciprocation,
and a (narcissistic) LO's affinity for flattery and self-validation can sustain each other?
You've just defined mutual limerence. Can't have a narcissistic LO without the other ;)

virusbkk wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 10:27 am Maybe unsustainable in the long-term though?
Marry them. That will get rid of idolization after a few years, especially around the 7 year itch mark. Keep in mind it works both ways.

Incidentally, how come when I say the same things as you David I get brickbats and you get bouquets? :-w
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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