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Is looking at a pic/social media breaking NC?

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DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

Is looking at a pic/social media breaking NC?

Post by DreamingBlue »

I should be strict and consider it as much, but I am not sure. For me, any actual communication - DM, email, text or post comment is breaking NC. Looking at a pic online? No. But perhaps it should be. It's still contact with the drug.
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Is looking at a pic/social media breaking NC?

Post by peter.rabbit »

DreamingBlue wrote: Mon Jul 12, 2021 6:47 pm Is looking at a pic/social media breaking NC?
Kind of, you're stimulating & reinforcing your Limerent-ish-ness. Like having quit smoking, but keeping a pack of cigarettes to fondle and look at.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Is looking at a pic/social media breaking NC?

Post by L-F »

It's however you want to define it. You set the boundaries.

If looking triggers you, then perhaps look at your boundaries and see if they need to be adjusted?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Struck613
Posts: 128
Joined: Fri Jun 23, 2017 2:31 am

Re: Is looking at a pic/social media breaking NC?

Post by Struck613 »

I would consider it breaking NC-adjacent. For me if I am looking at a pic or social media, it's as a way to get the fleeting high from LE. Doing so would undo much of the work NC does. Maybe not as much as breaking NC in a more concrete way would, but for me it would definitely set me back.

You know yourself and your situation best, obviously. So if you don't think it would set you back then I guess there's no harm. But ultimately the motivation for you to look at her pictures or social media would only be to feed into the limerence so I don't see the upside.
David
Site Admin
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Great Britain

Re: Is looking at a pic/social media breaking NC?

Post by David »

DreamingBlue wrote: Mon Jul 12, 2021 6:47 pm Looking at a pic online? No. But perhaps it should be. It's still contact with the drug.
looking at pictures still gives us the dompanime hit so yes in a way it is breaking NC - but damn, even thinking about LO releases that pesky dopamine to in a way even that is breaking NC! that's why limerence is so damn hard to break - we just have to think about them
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Is looking at a pic/social media breaking NC?

Post by IvB »

Maybe I am in the next phase already but pics of LO give me a low, I tend to cry. So I unfollowed what I could.
virusbkk
Posts: 92
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:37 am
Hong Kong

Re: Is looking at a pic/social media breaking NC?

Post by virusbkk »

I raised the same question and after listening to different opinions,
came to the conclusion that looking at photos / posts of LO is a form of "indirect" contact.

"Direct" contact constitutes calling/texting/DM'ing/e-mailing the LO.
So in theory, yes, looking at an LO's photos or social media can be regarded as breaking "indirect" NC.
DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

Re: Is looking at a pic/social media breaking NC?

Post by DreamingBlue »

Well, I'm about a month and a week no contact since disclosure and email back and forth, and a full week or so of not looking at pics.
It really does calm the mind, the more ways you cut them out of your life. There's only a tiny fuel source - memories and ruminations. But there's no new material to cook up. It feels like I'm off the treadmill.

I'm very occupied with family now, as I'm traveling, so that has really helped focus my attention towards people who matter to me. I worry about a relapse when I get back home, but hopefully I'll be okay.
Spadge100
Posts: 291
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Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Is looking at a pic/social media breaking NC?

Post by Spadge100 »

Hi DreamingBlue

It’s great that you are making progress and realising that each of those ties keep you locked in.

Don’t see it as a step back if you find yourself being a bit more limerent when back home. I too find it easier to deal with when not around my SO but I think this is two fold. It makes me feel less guilty as I hate having LO on my mind when with my SO. Secondly it gives you time to reflect and miss your SO.

That’s what I find anyway so don’t be too hard on yourself if it feels like a step back when back home as it’s just the guilt and intrusive Thoughts at play.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Is looking at a pic/social media breaking NC?

Post by IvB »

Yes, it's a step back for every two steps forward. A slow journey but you will get there.
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