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is Ex-SO Limerent?

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AMA210
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Re: is Ex-SO Limerent?

Post by AMA210 »

L-F wrote: Sun Aug 08, 2021 10:23 pm
Lola wrote: Sat Aug 07, 2021 6:45 am If I remember correctly he wasn't that nice to you, and there are no behaviors that deserve that.
I recall him being nice which is why AMA fell for him. Then he wasn't nice because he wasn't limerent and wanted to be left alone. So much so he got the Principal involved and I think the Police involved too. When I was someone's LO I too wasn't playing nice with them when I felt scared out of my wits from being stalked (we worked at the same establishment and I didn't like the way he'd tell me what car I drove, where I parked it, what time I left work or turned up, or even asking if the man he saw me with was my husband, had I been on holiday because he hadn't seen me around, etc - all of which was none of his business). In a way I'm glad I didn't tell SO otherwise he'd have gone and ... well... probably want to do what most men want to do to other men who dribble all over their wives.

My curt and non-approachable demeanor was very much warranted. Some LOs live in fear.
Yes, he was initially nice and charming in the beginning, but the Principal got involved from his SO having a problem with the friendship. I think the police were involved once because it was after several hugs and he just couldn't deal with that anymore, for fear of getting caught. Fortunately, the other times that I engaged with him resulted in no other principal or police intervention.

Although, I disagree with your statement of him "wanting to be left alone", as that is an assumption on your part. If your reaction to being "stalked" was scared out of your wits, then that isn't necessarily applicable to everyone.
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
L-F
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Re: is Ex-SO Limerent?

Post by L-F »

AMA210 wrote: Sun Aug 08, 2021 11:44 pm Although, I disagree with your statement of him "wanting to be left alone", as that is an assumption on your part. If your reaction to being "stalked" was scared out of your wits, then that isn't necessarily applicable to everyone.
That's true, it doesn't apply to everyone, I was talking about my experience. I thought you had mentioned LO said to you not to talk to him or to come around again? That he said he didn't want you coming by the school and that you shouldn't be there?

I'm not saying he's scared, though I certainly was.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: is Ex-SO Limerent?

Post by L-F »

AMA210 wrote: Sun Aug 08, 2021 11:44 pm I think the police were involved once because it was after several hugs and he just couldn't deal with that anymore, for fear of getting caught.
Ahh I think I get it now. He didn't want to get caught out being in an embrace and then having to deal with the fallout. What a narcissist thing to do don't you think? What a jerk! Needing the police to help him cover up for his actions. Geesh, some people.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
AMA210
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Re: is Ex-SO Limerent?

Post by AMA210 »

My latest conversation with the Ex-SO left me feeling a bit odd so I asked him if he was limerent. His reply was no and it's not like I'm driving by your house or texting you all of the time.

About two weeks ago, I told him that the friendship will not progress further and any future interactions will be limited to our role as parents and various financial exchanges. So, this past Sunday, I stopped by to talk with my daughter, which was fine. He mentioned that she will be gone for the upcoming weekend. Yesterday (Monday) I stopped by with some leftover chicken from my meal and talked with him for about an hour.

He asked why I thought about giving him the chicken and why I came over two days in a row. He asked if it was because I missed him and wanted to see him. I told him it was neither of those. He also asked where I was planning to move to, as I had previously mentioned that I was considering moving after two years. He mentioned that we should go out to dinner later in the month with mutual friends. I told him I will think about it.
When I send him a text about something usually related to our daughter, he immediately calls, and I have told him to not do this because I may be busy with something else.

These are all quite minor, but it reminds me of how limerents think and analyze the actions of the LO. I did this for a very long time, as in trying to "read into" what is behind the actions, no matter how ordinary they appear.

So, from this, and because it's causing me to be uncomfortable, I think it would be best if I keep distance from him. I am not encouraging him by any means, but also found it interesting that when I asked him to put on some clothes when I was there, he declined, saying it was more comfortable. (He was in his underwear and daughter wasn't home).

Ewww, icky feeling. :-s
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
IvB
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Czech Republic

Re: is Ex-SO Limerent?

Post by IvB »

And if you pull back and only contact him if really necessary? Does he increase contact from his side? I used to think that my LO (who is definitely very attracted to me) may be limerent but he never initiates the contract, regardless how long I stay quiet...
AMA210
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Re: is Ex-SO Limerent?

Post by AMA210 »

I would say that the contact becomes more than the initial reason for it. So I had to contact him about a photo order for our daughter and that became a phone call and an extended conversation, with him telling me what he did and planning to do. I told him that I don’t want to know what he is doing as I really don’t care.

I see it more of an opportunity for him to talk to me even though the original question or decision is done.

I really don’t get it - I divorced him, get financial support and he is very nearby to LO.
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: is Ex-SO Limerent?

Post by IvB »

Amd he didn't communicate like this while you were married? I am thought maybe just the convenience/habit of having you to talk to... Does he have a lot of friends?
AMA210
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Re: is Ex-SO Limerent?

Post by AMA210 »

Communication was very minimal when married. He would rather sit in front of the tv than talk with me.
He has few friends - his mom, me and 3 male friends, so this makes a lot of sense that he has to tell someone about what he is doing and what is going on.
I, on the other hand, am trying to do different things and go to events and various interest groups to meet new people.
Appreciate the responses.
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
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