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How can I kill the hope?

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

Re: How can I kill the hope?

Post by DreamingBlue »

Some people say that limerence fades over time say and you can just wait it out - but then there are people on here referring to five years even three decades of limerence.

I mean…my god. Yes my experience has always been that it just fades. But as I come up on two years, of this, the hardest crush of my entire lifetime, I’m worried.
AMA210
Posts: 2385
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
Gender:
United States of America

Re: How can I kill the hope?

Post by AMA210 »

Hey DB,

Yes, I qualify as an over 5 years person and still triggering me. :-o
Although, during the past two years, I have done a lot of inner work and healed a lot within myself. I think that the lessons will continue and eventually, there will be no more, and all of the pre-existing karma that I had with LO will finally be done.

It took a long time for me to accept the reality of the situation and that has occurred within the past six months. In the back of my mind resides something that David has said many times, and that being, it was after 2-3 years of consistent NC, that it began to fade. Today is Day 3. :|

I have literally done everything to rid myself of this, including an actual energetic cord cutting with a Reiki master last month.

Although, I do feel that I am on the final leg of this journey and as I continue to focus on myself, and on what really matters, LO will continue to fade away.
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

Re: How can I kill the hope?

Post by DreamingBlue »

Well I admire you for all the hard work you put in.

I can’t understand why I see this woman as the freaking cornerstone, the magic key to everything, when she’s just a hot cool woman.
AMA210
Posts: 2385
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
Gender:
United States of America

Re: How can I kill the hope?

Post by AMA210 »

DreamingBlue wrote: Mon Oct 11, 2021 7:33 pm Well I admire you for all the hard work you put in.

I can’t understand why I see this woman as the freaking cornerstone, the magic key to everything, when she’s just a hot cool woman.
Thanks, DB, much appreciated.
I suppose the alternative is to not do any work nor accept the reality and be doomed to spending the rest of life in a constant state of turmoil.

I totally understand about the magic key to everything. I have given up on trying to understand why and moving through to "it is what it is".
It's like the mindset with all of it has to change, that belief has to change, otherwise just keep getting stuck in the same cycle, over and over again.

You have done a lot of work in a short time, so give yourself a lot of credit for that because you deserve it! :)
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: How can I kill the hope?

Post by IvB »

shoegazer wrote: Mon Oct 11, 2021 4:33 pm "LO kinda gives you your mission". That is absolutely brilliant. I know most big changes I've made in my life for 3 decades (crazy, I know) has been based on "will my LO find that appealing or attractive"? Fortunately, the things I focused on were things that helped me climb the financial ladder, and kept up my appearance. But the problem was my motivation. It wasn't for me. Now I'm feeling without a "mission" for the first time in years. Such a great way of putting it.
Wow, I realize I am doing the same. I push myself to do stuff which would make LO think I was cool. It's exhausting but I don't know how to stop. My need for external validation is huge...
DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

Re: How can I kill the hope?

Post by DreamingBlue »

Yes even though I don’t quite know what it means, I guess I could look it up, but I feel like I’ve been employing “radical acceptance.” Really really forcing myself to take a long long look at what is, not with all of my commentary and intrusive thoughts around it but how it actually actually is. Like if you looked into my life, and you saw who I was married to? Who my kids were? Probably the first thing you would do just sit me down and let me know how imperative it is that I don’t fuck this up. And you would be right.

When I look at exactly the way things are in life, even though they aren’t perfect, they’re quite wonderful and quite close to the stuff of dreams. I don’t need to endlessly be searching for more and better and different. I have to except the side of me that reaches for those things, and perhaps channel it creatively. But I must must get to the root of my addiction to fantasy Escape and longing. I must come to a place full acceptance and peace within myself. Peace and acceptance of this world my place in at any amount of time I have left in it.

I am so terribly sorry to have had to say goodbye to my special friend, but she served her purpose for a short while, am I addictive nature could not keep consuming her fantasy fuel! Sad but true.

I really do wish this crush would end so I could just be friends with her again. I am perfectly good friends with LO number 1. She lives with her boyfriend I am happy for her and I have zero feelings for her other than as a friend.






AMA210 wrote: Mon Oct 11, 2021 8:19 pm
DreamingBlue wrote: Mon Oct 11, 2021 7:33 pm Well I admire you for all the hard work you put in.

I can’t understand why I see this woman as the freaking cornerstone, the magic key to everything, when she’s just a hot cool woman.
Thanks, DB, much appreciated.
I suppose the alternative is to not do any work nor accept the reality and be doomed to spending the rest of life in a constant state of turmoil.

I totally understand about the magic key to everything. I have given up on trying to understand why and moving through to "it is what it is".
It's like the mindset with all of it has to change, that belief has to change, otherwise just keep getting stuck in the same cycle, over and over again.

You have done a lot of work in a short time, so give yourself a lot of credit for that because you deserve it! :)
shoegazer
Posts: 21
Joined: Sun Oct 10, 2021 1:45 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: How can I kill the hope?

Post by shoegazer »

IvB wrote: Mon Oct 11, 2021 9:07 pm
shoegazer wrote: Mon Oct 11, 2021 4:33 pm "LO kinda gives you your mission". That is absolutely brilliant. I know most big changes I've made in my life for 3 decades (crazy, I know) has been based on "will my LO find that appealing or attractive"? Fortunately, the things I focused on were things that helped me climb the financial ladder, and kept up my appearance. But the problem was my motivation. It wasn't for me. Now I'm feeling without a "mission" for the first time in years. Such a great way of putting it.
Wow, I realize I am doing the same. I push myself to do stuff which would make LO think I was cool. It's exhausting but I don't know how to stop. My need for external validation is huge...
I feel like I haven't needed external validation from anyone other than my LO for as long as I can remember. It's really absurd. I've now become this person who I think she's always wanted...and a lot of it is me. But my motivation in many of these areas came from impressing her, not to make myself proud.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: How can I kill the hope?

Post by IvB »

I have to say it's at least both for me, to impress LO but to improve myself too so there is some gain for me!

DB, I am also ok with my previous LO, can't even remember why I wanted him back then: D and would go for a coffee if he lived closer. So I really expect this to be the case with my current LO at some point!
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