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Update

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Maddie
Posts: 1515
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Update

Post by Maddie »

Going on over a year of NC. Mostly dealing with the emotional fallout of my limerent behaviors. It's really hellish. If I could only go back in time and un-do...

edited it to basically summarize:

saw him from a distance briefly this past weekend and this really could've been avoided. no physiological reaction to seeing him anymore.
getting past the regret and anger towards myself (still working on anger towards him)
he is basically a stranger now...a so-called friendship never developed...all was some sort of selfish distraction for us both...was meaningless in a way-- even though was full of fake promises and was a rather involved situation
I have no feelings for him, romantically, the fantasies that used to bring me such "comfort", are no longer desirable, I am able to redirect my thinking better these days, which I am grateful for.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Update

Post by IvB »

That sounds really good, congratulations!!
Maddie
Posts: 1515
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Update

Post by Maddie »

thank you very much IvB! :ymhug:
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
marko
Posts: 1802
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: Update

Post by marko »

So happy to read this. I get why I'm here and do this and have to exist with the thoughts. Sometimes you shake your head and can't believe the journey.
Maddie
Posts: 1515
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Update

Post by Maddie »

so true, Marko. I hope you are doing well. Thank you!!

I've said it before but it's like coming out of an alcohol blackout where it's like...."I did what?! no way!!!"

yep Maddie. That was you. [-(

I think self-compassion and forgiveness needs to be the next leg of my journey.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
Spadge100
Posts: 291
Joined: Sat Oct 24, 2020 10:02 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Update

Post by Spadge100 »

Great to hear!

I too am now a year NC and think about her rarely (although unfortunately my thoughts are now concerned with my wife’s affair which is a whole different ball game).

Bizarrely everything I learned last year, about limerence, affairs, how and why they happen, and also how to deal with and manage intrusive thoughts have all helped to deal with the situation I find myself in.

My SO seems remorseful, we are doing fun things together (which is sometimes hard to stay present), doing various online courses which are really useful (affairrecovery.com offer a free seven day boot camp which was really useful and I plan on revisiting it now the dust has settled a bit) and we are also doing a course to bring us to a point where the relationship hopefully thrives (center for thriving relationships).

Will we get there? Who knows but we are trying damn hard to get us back how we were before limerence took hold. I don’t think my wife is fully limerent. I’m sure she misses the excitement of it all but has at least seen the devastating consequences an affair brings and this dragged her back into reality. I’m not naive enough to believe she doesn’t think of him, I know only too well what memory does, but I can’t change her thoughts.

So the last eight weeks have been the hardest of my life but I am still here, smile regularly and gradually becoming more present and less immersed in a crazy fantasyland.
Maddie
Posts: 1515
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Update

Post by Maddie »

Spadge, that is great to hear! keep up the good work. :) it sounds like the last few weeks have been a crazy ride, full of intense emotions! I pray for continued recovery for you both!!
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Update

Post by peter.rabbit »

Maddie wrote: Tue Aug 31, 2021 10:06 pm Going on over a year of NC. Mostly dealing with the emotional fallout of my limerent behaviors. It's really hellish. If I could only go back in time and un-do...

edited it to basically summarize:

saw him from a distance briefly this past weekend and this really could've been avoided. no physiological reaction to seeing him anymore.
getting past the regret and anger towards myself (still working on anger towards him)
he is basically a stranger now...a so-called friendship never developed...all was some sort of selfish distraction for us both...was meaningless in a way-- even though was full of fake promises and was a rather involved situation
I have no feelings for him, romantically, the fantasies that used to bring me such "comfort", are no longer desirable, I am able to redirect my thinking better these days, which I am grateful for.
Maddie, I'm glad to hear that your life is back in your control. :-bd
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
Maddie
Posts: 1515
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Update

Post by Maddie »

Thank you Peter!
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
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