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Muy diary as SO:

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Spadge100
Posts: 291
Joined: Sat Oct 24, 2020 10:02 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Muy diary as SO:

Post by Spadge100 »

Hi SO

It sounds like a very difficult place to be. I am thankful my wife doesn’t seem to be limerent now the discovery was made (either that or she is very good at hiding it which I guess is possible as she hid the affair for over a year).

It’s certainly tough being on the other side and I sympathise massively with you. Limerence is a cruel beast, self centred to the extreme and stops real life in its tracks. I am at least over my bout, I think about her each day but it stirs no emotions. Unfortunately I am left with the trying to forgive my SO for her deceit and betrayal.

That’s the hardest part of it. The physical side happened and haunts my thoughts a lot, but getting over the lies and deceit from the person you love the most in the world is a whole different ball game.

I applaud you for sticking by your SO. It would be easier to just give up but as someone says on here, the strong forgive.
Significant other
Posts: 138
Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2021 11:09 pm
Gender:
Age: 57
Spain

Re: Muy diary as SO:

Post by Significant other »

Well, today we had our second couples therapy session.
I have finally been able to make my DW, LS understand, with the neutral validation of the psychologist, that her limerence with EA, (we mention it as an "obsession" with LO) is an emotional infidelity, a betrayal of trust in the partner, a secret relationship, etc ... and that her justifications about my past behavior are no valid excuse. She tries to underestimate the psychologist: old, old-fashioned, macho, etc ... and again threatens to break the relationship, the therapy ... She also complains that among the reasons for falling I in love with her, I said that she was pretty and attractive to me ....- "I am not a beautiful vase, an object (+)" ....
In addition, she accuses me of pathological jealousy .... refuted by my argued objective tests, whatsapps, notes, behaviors, etc. and presenting my psychiatric diagnosis "Adaptive anxiety disorder"
Little by little we are focusing on the problem. The following sessions will be individual. If the treatment commitment is not broken, it is possible to save the relationship and make it stronger and healthier. I am very happy. I have been looking for this for a year!
Then, out of therapy, she reproaches me that I have to reconquer her back, that she is depressed, she does not notice love for me ... I, as a good obsessive, hit her all over the head with the hammer of reason, "You are the one you have to regain my confidence. "
Endless war, like kids.
(+) -object A, into which the hysterical subject unconsciously becomes To avoid anxiety about individualization / separation from the mother.
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