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Turning the corner

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Turning the corner

Post by peter.rabbit »

NC is working well for me, although not by choice but by circumstance. The lessening of the obsessive mind activity is most welcome, I'm working on keeping it that way. I'm studying Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and am reading another book on changing thoughts & behavior called "Tiny Habits", which I may have mentioned somewhere in another thread.
There will undoubtedly be contact in the future with my LO, if I can change the way I react to such contact hopefully the romanticized thinking would not manifest.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
Maddie
Posts: 1515
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Turning the corner

Post by Maddie »

Peter,

I am happy to hear that you are making progress! Great work!! :ymparty: You are getting closer to freedom from this demon called Limerence.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Turning the corner

Post by peter.rabbit »

Maddie wrote: Tue Sep 21, 2021 5:48 pm Peter,

I am happy to hear that you are making progress! Great work!! :ymparty: You are getting closer to freedom from this demon called Limerence.
Thanks Maddie, I'm learning to change thoughts and thus behavior with the CBT and the techniques in the "Tiny Habits" book, which I suspect is simply CBT under a different name. Of course, the NC is giving me real-time relief, much better than going on AD drugs.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
AMA210
Posts: 2385
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Turning the corner

Post by AMA210 »

Hi Peter.rabbit and Maddie -

I also feel like I have turned a corner, especially within the past week. Every day I've been working on detachment and surrounding myself with good people who are caring and supportive. It's strange, but I feel like I have been through an entire month of inner work in just seven days!
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
shoegazer
Posts: 21
Joined: Sun Oct 10, 2021 1:45 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Turning the corner

Post by shoegazer »

AMA210 wrote: Fri Oct 15, 2021 1:36 pm Hi Peter.rabbit and Maddie -

I also feel like I have turned a corner, especially within the past week. Every day I've been working on detachment and surrounding myself with good people who are caring and supportive. It's strange, but I feel like I have been through an entire month of inner work in just seven days!
10 years ago, with a previous LO, I surrounded myself with positive people. Not people who would b.s. me. But those that had a great outlook on life. It helped immeasurably. I got over my LO. And now, she's one of my best friends, and has been a huge help with my current situation. I haven't had LO feelings for her since that period 10 years ago. So glad you're making this kind of progress. But, at least for me, when progress comes positive or negative, it tends to come in bunches.
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Turning the corner

Post by peter.rabbit »

peter.rabbit wrote: Fri Sep 17, 2021 10:38 pm There will undoubtedly be contact in the future with my LO, if I can change the way I react to such contact hopefully the romanticized thinking would not manifest.
Update:

My LO reached out via Facebook Chat several days ago. We exchanged thoughts on the re-opening of the gym where we met. I am tempted to call her, I miss hearing her voice. I realize that this mode of romanticized thinking is a lifelong affliction, I feel like such a drug addict. The "heart" wants what the heart wants, not a new term or thought, Woody Allen spoke of such, as did Selena Gomez' song titled by the same phrase.
What is still a mystery is 'why' I don't feel like this toward other women who are [real]friends. Question to self: The fantasy thing is strong, why is fantasy more attractive than reality? Answer: after a moment of thought- because a fantasy can be tailor-made and customized for maximum reward, whereas reality simply is-what-it-is.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
AMA210
Posts: 2385
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Turning the corner

Post by AMA210 »

Said person (LO) can meet all of our needs at any time or within all time. The (harsh) reality is that they cannot and beyond that, no one who exists in the outside world can do that.

Although the only person who can do that is ourselves.
So, rather than slipping into this fantasy world, perhaps begin with "what do I need, starting with the basic (food, water, shelter, safety) which are physical needs, and then expend it into what are my emotional needs, what do I need on a mental level, and so forth.

IMO, the needs require a determination of what they actually are first, as they are different for everyone, and then the ways in which they can be met by oneself.

This exercise is grounded in reality and I present you with this challenge today.
:)
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Turning the corner

Post by IvB »

And I was very happy to discover today, that finally the reality is getting back some of its old appeal. I saw a pic of my LO on Fb and while it wrenched a knife into my heart, as usual, I recovered quickly and noticed that I don't anymore have the feeling that without him my life is worthless. That actually I am mildly looking forward to some of my November-December plans. So after over a year, I also seem to be turning a corner. Small steps forward, everyone!
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Turning the corner

Post by peter.rabbit »

AMA210 wrote: Sun Nov 07, 2021 5:21 pm Although the only person who can do that is ourselves.
So, rather than slipping into this fantasy world, perhaps begin with "what do I need, starting with the basic (food, water, shelter, safety) which are physical needs, and then expend it into what are my emotional needs, what do I need on a mental level, and so forth.
Yes, doing a mindfulness re-focus self help behavior is an excellent suggestion for breaking the obsessive thought loop.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
AMA210
Posts: 2385
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Turning the corner

Post by AMA210 »

peter.rabbit wrote: Sun Nov 07, 2021 7:44 pm
AMA210 wrote: Sun Nov 07, 2021 5:21 pm Although the only person who can do that is ourselves.
So, rather than slipping into this fantasy world, perhaps begin with "what do I need, starting with the basic (food, water, shelter, safety) which are physical needs, and then expend it into what are my emotional needs, what do I need on a mental level, and so forth.
Yes, doing a mindfulness re-focus self help behavior is an excellent suggestion for breaking the obsessive thought loop.
Awesome! Glad it helped.
I have done this very recently and also added a gratitude journal that I do every morning, as a positive reflection on the previous day.
My first thoughts of the the day were of LO for a very long time, so this is a welcome change in a better direction.
Keep taking those steps! :)
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
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