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Like a detective reopening a solved case

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DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

Like a detective reopening a solved case

Post by DreamingBlue »

My mind looks down hallways I had cordoned off, sifting through old evidence, looking at it in new light.

I torture myself by spying on her boyfriend's page, hopeful to get a glimpse of her. Frustrated with how boring he is, "knowing" that in some parallel universe I could have swept her off her feet.

The case is closed. We saw what it was. A case of infatuation, limerence. A chemical addiction. What else do I need to know? Why can't I let it go?

5 months NC almost. But slipups on Instagram, looking at things I shouldn't. I can't accept the loss of this dear friend, this great connection, this person who seems to be a shining beacon in my life, standing out, valuable, beautiful, destined to be.

My mind can't accept that she has to be nothing, nothing at all to me if I want to keep the life I have with my wife and kids. Torturous. Beyond torturous.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Like a detective reopening a solved case

Post by L-F »

Well clearly she's not much of a friend if she hasn't been keeping in contact
DreamingBlue wrote: Thu Oct 28, 2021 1:01 am I can't accept the loss of this dear friend, this great connection, this person who seems to be a shining beacon in my life, standing out, valuable, beautiful, destined to be.
... or did you tell her about limerence and asked for NC?

Don't put her on the pedestal she didn't ask to be put on.

Otherwise, keep going DB! Life does get better on the other side of limerence. 5 months isn't that long in the scheme of things.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Like a detective reopening a solved case

Post by IvB »

Agree, like my LO - happy to respond if I write him but didn't start from his side. Clearly I have no importance in his life, like you in your LO's. Be glad, constant contact would make it worse.
And don't beat yourself up, 5 mths NC is amazing but not nearly enough to beat this monster.
DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

Re: Like a detective reopening a solved case

Post by DreamingBlue »

It's truly nuts. I chose NC because I wanted the pain to lessen. Then I cheat at NC to get a glimpse of her life and...it's agonizing.

She looks mesmerizingly beautiful, as always. She looks like she's in love. Her new guy is LIVING MY DREAM.

Except he isn't. He's living his life. And she hers. And that has nothing to do with me at all. If my ego would get out of this, I'd see it's all good.
I can wish her peace and love from afar, as much as my heart is crushed.
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