Ever disclosed to your SO?

For those married or in a Long Term Relationship and struggling with limerence.
SunFury79
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Joined: Sat May 30, 2020 9:32 pm
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United States of America

Re: Ever disclosed to your SO?

Post by SunFury79 »

I worked with my LO. At the end of last year, I had a breakdown (due to limerence) that led me to take a leave of absence. During my breakdown I told my wife everything. She also confessed to me, months later, that she'd looked through my phone before my breakdown without my knowledge.

It's been tough for the both of us. We went to a marriage seminar together in February. We didn’t go because we were trying to fix our marriage, but to see if either of us really wanted to fix it. I learned a lot about relationships, love and limerence, my wife’s feelings, and my own. We also started talking about separating. We were both broken people that didn’t see us healing together.

I had made plans to move out at the end of March, but got laid off, then list my job, due to the virus. Staying in the house has been difficult. Most of the time we act like we weren't on the verge of divorce. Every once in a while, we talk about it.

I don't like talking to her about it with her. Whenever we do, I can see how hurt she is and it eats me up inside. My wife said she doesn’t want me to leave, if I did she’d be worried to death about me, but she’s not sure if she wants me to stay. She also said that I don’t love her, not the way she loves me, and I can’t say she’s wrong.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I may have line on a new job, but my wife has also offered me to stay home and she'd take care of everything. I have a lot of hobbies I'm passionate about, and staying home would give me plenty of time for that. However, becoming completely dependent on her with the state of our marriage isn't something that feels me with hope.
"In the End" - Linkin Park
My Limerence recovery song
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PVSDO
Posts: 25
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 1:24 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Ever disclosed to your SO?

Post by PVSDO »

SunFury79 wrote: Tue Jun 02, 2020 3:23 am I worked with my LO. At the end of last year, I had a breakdown (due to limerence) that led me to take a leave of absence. During my breakdown I told my wife everything. She also confessed to me, months later, that she'd looked through my phone before my breakdown without my knowledge.


I don't like talking to her about it with her. Whenever we do, I can see how hurt she is and it eats me up inside. My wife said she doesn’t want me to leave, if I did she’d be worried to death about me, but she’s not sure if she wants me to stay. She also said that I don’t love her, not the way she loves me, and I can’t say she’s wrong.
Did the NC help? have you seen your LO since? Did you save the marriage?



as a SO I can say it hurts to hear but it is worth talking about. I am sure part of the hurt is you wanting to leave while she is asking you to stay. I get that the guilt is killing you, but you can imagine that not knowing what is going to happen is eating her alive.

This is the time to go in to communication overdrive. I learned so much I did not want to know but I would rather know.

For me the open communication ( that hurt my soul) let me know that this happened but I can still trust my Husband to stand up and do the right thing for the marriage.
It is what it is....with minor adjustments :D
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