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Is it Limerence?

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:53 am
by Kcgolftee
In our 24th year of marriage (a seemingly good one!), my 48 yo spouse started an affair with the 18 year old best friend of our youngest daughter. For 2 years, he has left home and come back 3 times...recently he stayed 7 weeks with me and seemed like he was in withdrawal...unable to sleep, eat, stay sober, or be away from her more than a week. He has quit jobs, moved out of state, moved back to me out of "guilt", cashed in his small retirement and spent every penny on her, relinquished our home and is now living paycheck to paycheck with his mother. He just turned 51, she 22. He has decided to divorce and says he is finally happy, now that he has finally committed to her. Is this crazy behavior limerence? After 2 1/2 years of this?

Re: Is it Limerence?

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 4:47 am
by LisaTranscending
The age sounds right for a limerent mid life crises on steroids. Usually large age gaps too. It sounds like he is running away from more than just his mortality...but all his obligations too. Sorry you have to bear the brunt of the gigantic black hole of limerence he has fallen into. Trying to pick up the pieces now of your broken marriage would be futile. He is living another world now. Albeit a fantasy world which sooner or later will come crashing down on him. You can't live so over the top without reality checking your high. It's just the laws of gravity at play. But with limerence...it can take some time for it all to be clear again

Re: Is it Limerence?

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 6:19 am
by David
Kcgolftee wrote: Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:53 am Is this crazy behavior limerence? After 2 1/2 years of this?
Almost certainly yes. Sorry to read you are on the receiving end of his immaturity. He has a lot of growing up to do. Maybe this will happen in this lifetime, maybe in another. Best to work on yourself, your own growth to be the best person you can be. I wrote an article on affair recovery here:

http://loverelations.co.uk/affair-recovery/

Re: Is it Limerence?

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:29 pm
by LisaTranscending
Great article David. Passing this along to a beloved family member who is battling these very forces.