Any advice for someone in a new relationship who was just reconnected to their lo ?

A place to help from being limerent again and how to cope with limerence in future relationships.
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Any advice for someone in a new relationship who was just reconnected to their lo ?

Post by pianoandpaninis »

hi ! i'm new to this site , and i actually just found out what limerence even is , but i am confident it matched my situation .

i'm a college student , and at the beginning of the year i became infatuated with a guy on my campus . i became so obsessed with him , i broke up with the guy i had been seeing out of guilt . i went home for a month over christmas break and was able to shake him completely . i thought i was over him and began talking to someone else . please keep in mind , the guy i am seeing now is the one i want to be with . i know this deep in my core . we've been seeing each other for about a month and things have been amazing . (i have not seen my lo in two months) or at least , i hadn't ... i just saw him again for the forst tine last week and he is already haunting me again . i feel so guilty and i just don't know what to do . i do not want to be with my lo , and i feel very confident that i would never cheat on the guy i'm with , physically , but i worry about emotionaly infedelity .

can someone please offer me some advice ? do i tell the guy i'm seeing , and if i do , what do i say to make it clear i am committed to him ? also , how do i keep my lo off my mind ?

and feedback would be so much appreciated !!
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Re: Any advice for someone in a new relationship who was just reconnected to their lo ?

Post by Heart_Open »

Hello and welcome to the forums. You are definitely in the right place!

I can briefly relate my own situation - married with kids, LO was a co-worker. I started work with him 9 years ago and within 5 months was hooked on the high I got from being around him. I fought it, I felt so guilty - my husband and family are my world. I did not need this, but it was happening to me. I quit that job in Oct 2010 as I couldn't bear it any more, I couldn't tell the difference between fantasy and reality and I was on the edge - if he had tried anything on, I was his, simple as.

The day after I left, he went on holiday for a week. My world turned upside down, my heart broke wide open. I had not shared how I felt with ANYONE and I was going crazy. It took another 6-8 months before I told a close friend of mine. Sharing helped. I went to counselling as well but they just said it was anxiety over my studies (I was studying for my doctorate at the time).

I slowly but surely 'got over' him. I last saw him almost 5 years ago, just by chance. I moved on with my life, finished my studies, got my dream job, moved house and even had a baby. Life was great. He crossed my mind every so often, sure. He lives in the same town so I could technically bump into him at any point. He is still on my Facebook but he largely ignores me and I him.

Then in November he changed his profile photo and it was like I spiralled back to the old days. Within days I had found out about limerence and this forum and found all these wonderful hurting people who share, advise, hold space for each other and now I no longer feel so guilty - limerence happens to you, it gets right into your soul, it breaks you apart, it forces you to examine every last inch of your psyche and it is a journey - or dance - of two steps forward one day and maybe 3 steps backwards the next. I am just about coming out of the other side although the guy (LO - limerent object) is like a ghost on the periphery of my mind most of the time. But I will share one particular thing - I would not have had this journey any other way. I am who I am today - someone I actually LOVE - as a result of the whole process I have been through, worth every last tear.

You will quickly see how we relate to each other here :)
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Re: Any advice for someone in a new relationship who was just reconnected to their lo ?

Post by myexbackcoach »

One thing I will tell you is that reminding yourself that limerence WILL fade is important. You won't always feel this way. It's temporary. It might seem very basic, but in my experience working with others, it's a key realization to help them stay strong and move on.
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