Great articles on what it takes to make a relationship work

A place to help from being limerent again and how to cope with limerence in future relationships.
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David
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Great articles on what it takes to make a relationship work

Post by David »

Sent to me by SO, lots of useful hints and tips

https://markmanson.net/relationship-advice
For more focussed support, why not join our membership support community? See www.limerence.net on how to join today.
Limfriend1
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Re: Great articles on what it takes to make a relationship work

Post by Limfriend1 »

Hey this guy speaks my language! "and all this ‘happily ever after’ bullshit is just setting people up for failure. They go into relationship with these unrealistic expectations"

I've been in two minds about starting a thread regarding 'happy ever after'. No offense David but I don't see these positive posts having much of an impact when limerents are living in lala-land.

Not to say these threads aren't valuable, they are. Though many (not all) in the middle of limerence might know this stuff... however feeling it, connecting to it, just isn't there.

There is a cheese ad here that goes along the lines of 'good things take time'. Which is how I view limerence, it takes its time to work out, and own, our junk. And just as limerence takes it sweet time (or rather we do), so too does reconnecting with SO.

These things have stood out to me with regards to rebuilding/reconnecting:
Touch
Laughter / playfulness
Quality time apart
Quality sleep
Facial expressions

... those are small things that can have a big impact, and are also ways to bring back that spark. Is it the sole responsibility of one person? No, but here's my thought on that. It only takes one person to create change for the better - think flow on effect.

And if the outcome is not positive after giving it your best, you can leave the relationship knowing you have tried.

Great article :-BD
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David
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Re: Great articles on what it takes to make a relationship work

Post by David »

Limerentfriend wrote: Wed Mar 01, 2017 9:19 am No offense David but I don't see these positive posts having much of an impact when limerents are living in lala-land.

Not to say these threads aren't valuable, they are. Though many (not all) in the middle of limerence might know this stuff... however feeling it, connecting to it, just isn't there.
none taken - all views are welcome here
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WonkyBrainThe2nd
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Re: Great articles on what it takes to make a relationship work

Post by WonkyBrainThe2nd »

Here's a comment from a la-la land inhabitant :o)

The bit about waves was great. It's something I've noticed myself when in relationships. Humans seem to have a need to view journeys in terms of straight lines, like things always have to be constant, or constantly improving. I don't think nature works in straight lines like that. Rivers meander sometimes, seasons work in cycles, etc, and the same goes for relationships, they're going to up and down and round and round sometimes. My wave theory did hit some difficulties in my relationships though, because I hung out a loooong time in the final troughs before I realised the next crest was not coming.

I'd say go for the post about happy ever after LimerentFriend. Always good to hear someone's own perspective of it.

With regards to myself, despite often falling into the misconception that what I'm feeling is "love", I don't have a happy ever after notion, particularly. I dropped any belief in that with regards to relationships about 8 years ago. I read the list linked here, and thought yeah, that's kind of what I wanted with my LO, because I'd not been able to achieve it in my previous relationships, due to oh so many reasons. Like the article said, if the things listed aren't being ticked then the relationship would never last and, within the set ups I was in, those things were just untickable. Where my problem lies I guess is with thinking LO is the only guy I could potentially tick those boxes with.
JohnDeux
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Re: Great articles on what it takes to make a relationship work

Post by JohnDeux »

WonkyBrainThe2nd wrote: Wed Mar 01, 2017 4:27 pm
I'd say go for the post about happy ****ever after**** LimerentFriend. Always good to hear someone's own perspective of it.
I actually agree with this view as well, with particular attention being made to "ever after". Because this is where the caution needs to come in,for example, when someone may say "LO and I got together and have been 'happily ever after'....for at least 3 years now". :eh: Hmmmmmm....which is 4 years shy of the "7-year itch". So the these stories are fine and help see both sides as a long as all are viewing it with eyes wide open. I certain appreciate L-F's and WBT2nd's admission that limer-land is far from the eyes-wide-open state, but I would not want to censor positive stories for that reason alone. Such a useful site all around for information directly and tangentially related to limerence. :-BD
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz
Pandapants
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Re: Great articles on what it takes to make a relationship work

Post by Pandapants »

Great article, though I didn't agree with everything that was said, but I was trying to express the other day the whole you can't ever maintain romantic love with anyone for the rest of your life idea and how it evolves into a deeper, unconditional love, so I appreciate that and I can see how it applies to my marriage. I worry sometimes that I am one of those people who is constantly looking for the spark, but it's never going to last and in the end I would just be unhappy.
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Re: Great articles on what it takes to make a relationship work

Post by Maddie »

LOVED that article, David. Thanks!
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
MrSpock
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Re: Great articles on what it takes to make a relationship work

Post by MrSpock »

WOW. This was from before I joined in so haven't seen it before. GREAT article indeed.

And I just happened to be listening to this... how appropriate:



I always sing alone, but this is one of those songs I can't without starting to cry as I think on the lyrics (and to think that I never ever cried before LE and now I'm like a little girl /:) )
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Re: Great articles on what it takes to make a relationship work

Post by Spinnaker »

Incredible live version. Thanks for sharing.
“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
Carl Jung
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