Limerent dating adventures

A place to help from being limerent again and how to cope with limerence in future relationships.
Acrobatica
Posts: 701
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by Acrobatica »

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Last edited by Acrobatica on Wed Jan 29, 2020 9:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Maddie
Posts: 1515
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by Maddie »

Maybe it will be a good experience. You'll know more after you see him, I think. Where is he at with the ex? is he the one that got back with the ex? (I'm getting all of our LOs details mixed up, LOL)
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
Acrobatica
Posts: 701
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by Acrobatica »

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Last edited by Acrobatica on Wed Jan 29, 2020 9:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Maddie
Posts: 1515
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by Maddie »

Acro,

Thanks for the update...very insightful, but also sounds painful. You are very hopeful and positive...I like the way you talk about looking forward to this year. It sounds like you are really trying to find meaning in your life post-divorce. You seem very cultured and interesting...yes, I too have a deep desire for something more than what I've been doing the past 2 years. I want to pull back some too and get off my phone and back into life 😊
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
MoBecksLessLim
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Aug 12, 2020 4:49 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by MoBecksLessLim »

See that's the thing that happened with me. It was the uncertainty. The hot and cold that fed the limerent beast. It was not until she was starting to open up more and after I did therapy and created a life for my own that our relationship felt a lot less limerent and a lot more like love. Pretty much all my relationships started with limerence. Because I wasn't sure she wanted to be with me (even if we remained exclusive) thats what fed the limerent beast more. Towards the end of our relationship her behvaiour was less ambigious and more consistent and it felt more like love. That warm oxytocin feeling rather than that anxious adrenaline rush of limerence. It's the ambiguity that drives limerence. It's that space between secure and insecure that triggers that feeling that many of us as children felt between our parents/carers. I suppose key is to have lots of other sources of security, love, warmth and oxytocin, increase your self esteem and assert boundaries of clear consistent communication and transparency. I suppose the hard part before was that i did not know what I want or what my boundaries were. But for me i know now. Hoping that is enough to never have a LE again!
HelpNeeded
Posts: 44
Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2021 7:49 am
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by HelpNeeded »

This post isn't visible to me but i think i can relate anyway.

Dating apps are horrible for me: the more interested a guy is the less i like him (the old Groucho Marx problem, lol!). I look for any reason to ditch him asap.

And when I'm swiping my brain goes: Not LO, Not LO, not LO....oooh he looks a bit like LO - swipe left!
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