Limerent dating adventures

A place to help from being limerent again and how to cope with limerence in future relationships.
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Acrobatica
Posts: 701
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Limerent dating adventures

Post by Acrobatica »

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Last edited by Acrobatica on Wed Jan 29, 2020 9:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Idiotic
Posts: 1968
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by Idiotic »

Same anyone who's obviously into me from the beginning im like gross! Need a few mind games first!
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn
NoDayDreaming

Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by NoDayDreaming »

remember Acrobatica that desire is about uncertainty, hopes, surprises, and anxious waiting.
desire and kind love are 2 different things. this is why many loving relationships can be very low on desire and people can fall into the limerence trap.
Last edited by NoDayDreaming on Tue Oct 15, 2019 6:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
marko
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Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by marko »

So, does one get past that. I have to feel being admired, that only lasts as long as I "feel" it. It's not love.
Bridget
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Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by Bridget »

Acrobatica wrote: Tue Oct 15, 2019 4:30 am
I absolutely have always found consistent kindness to be “boring.” But now that I am dating, and have awareness that obsession and love are not the same things, consistent kindness is a requirement. Hoping my attraction meter catches up.
Good recognition! That's the first step to changing the pattern!

Do you think you'll go out with him again?
moreissuesthanvogue
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Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by moreissuesthanvogue »

Acrobatica wrote: Tue Oct 15, 2019 4:30 am
And for the first time, I realized that one of my limerence discoveries was absolutely true. That part of limerence was attraction to that hot cold behavior that mirrored the ambivalence I feel to myself and also was like the attention of my mother. Intense, then critical and angry, playful, ignoring, critical.

Kudos for your discovery. I hope you’ll be able to find a healthy love. This resonates so much with me. Although I’m aware of this I’m having a hard time controlling my urge to contact him. I honestly can’t image being with anyone else but him.
Acrobatica
Posts: 701
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by Acrobatica »

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Last edited by Acrobatica on Wed Jan 29, 2020 9:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
moreissuesthanvogue
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Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by moreissuesthanvogue »

It’s on an on going process without any quick fixes. I have found going low contact is just a slippery slope into a full blown relapse. It’s impossible to be an occasional “ user” and expect to recover. You are heading in the right direction with the no contact. My motto is it’s easier to stay off of him than it is to get off him. 😜
NoDayDreaming

Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by NoDayDreaming »

IMHO, limerence is based on sexual attraction combined with unavailability. in my simplistic thinking, you have to avoid one or the other.
in other words, don't lust (or fantasize, or whatever) for unavailable men, or it'll hurt.
Maddie
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Re: Limerent dating adventures

Post by Maddie »

Acrobatica wrote: Wed Oct 16, 2019 5:42 am Hoping NC will help to re-set my attraction meter to AVAILABLE KIND CONSISTENT men who like me back and will value a relationship with me. Just sending that out there into the Universe.
LOL! I hear ya Acro! I wish that for you too! I'm enjoying reading about your dating adventures!

And @ moreissuesthanvogue-- LOL- you are so right! I could not agree more!

Idiotic - =)) :ymhug: Truth.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
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