One thing my LO taught me...

What did you learn from your expereince of limerence? How did you change? how did you grow? What were the upsides and downsides?
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L-F
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One thing my LO taught me...

Post by L-F »

... and that is to FEEL.

To open my heart.

To feel feelings (she always questioned me why I wouldn't feel my feelings, and, what is wrong with feelings anyway? Now I understand what she was getting at).

Now let's talk feelings. Love, lust, pain, hurt, indifference, jealousy, joyous... they are ALL feelings. Positive, negative. It doesn't matter.

What matters is that we allow ourselves to FEEL.

Limerence is the perfect 'out'. The perfect way to block painful feelings. The best way to hide the underlying pain... that we are NOT loved the way LO loves us.

Fear blocks us from growing. I watched Conversations with God and it was interesting to hear Neale Donald Walsch say that we make decisions based on love or fear.

I see limerence as being fear based, fear of feeling anything less than loved. But how can we feel loved without LO? The answer has always been... I'll let you look for that answer since I can't answer for you.

All I can say is that if we fear feeling feelings, we remain stuck in lalaland.

Last edited by L-F on Thu Apr 11, 2019 6:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
"LF, why do you weep for the inner child of your abusers?"
"Because I'm not like them."
JohnDeux
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Re: One thing my LO taught me...

Post by JohnDeux »

L-F wrote: Wed Apr 10, 2019 11:11 pm Limerence is the perfect 'out'. The perfect way to block painful feelings. The best way to hide the underlying pain... that we are NOT loved the way LO loves us.
Very good post and I like the way you distilled that notion of limerence. For sure, for many limerents and certainly for me, that completely delusional feeling that LO "understood me and was in harmony with my path" was/is the polar opposite of my caregivers, who may indeed love me in their own way (???), but who had a poor ability to "feel" their own pain and deal with it as well as poor empathy and desire to really know their own children. So irrespective of the deficits they had and how those manifested, the limerent state was one of *feeling* (not to be confused with *being*) completely understood, accepted, valued, and loved by LO. I think what's good about this angle is that it takes into account a limerent who knows their caregivers and those supporting them mean, and have meant, well but to whom the limerent could never openly express "Look....I know you are trying, very hard in fact, and I don't want to hurt you by saying 'You know nothing about me!...', but in fact, I feel really disconnected from you...". Such a person may have been putting off.....suppressing, distracting from.....that feeling of disconnect for decades out of guilt. And maybe it catches up to them through an LE like you indicate (?....if I'm correct with my interpretation..?) in that it's the perfect way to stave off the painful feelings of never having been understood and heard. Hence, that overwhelming feeling during an LE that "LO really GETS me!...". All the while covering up the possible fact that prior to this, no one ever did.....
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz
L-F
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Re: One thing my LO taught me...

Post by L-F »

JohnDeux wrote: Thu Apr 11, 2019 12:46 am Hence, that overwhelming feeling during an LE that "LO really GETS me!...". All the while covering up the possible fact that prior to this, no one ever did.....
Perfectly said and yes, you interpreted correctly (although I welcome any interpretation since we all see things differently, so long as I dont get attacked for my interpretation) :D

IMO we hate to believe that we are not loved, well, not loved the way LO does. Its kind of painful to admit. But like you said, its not that we are NOT loved, it's the fact we haven't yet learnt the love language of our caregivers.

After all, an abused child doesn't stop loving their caregivers, they start hating themselves. Thus some children learn to love dysfunctionally (you cannot talk Butterfly language with Caterpillar people, just as you cannot soar like an Eagle when you are surrounded by Turkeys).

And... limerence teaches us to soar.
"LF, why do you weep for the inner child of your abusers?"
"Because I'm not like them."
Spinnaker
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Re: One thing my LO taught me...

Post by Spinnaker »

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Last edited by Spinnaker on Sat Aug 01, 2020 12:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
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Idiotic
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Re: One thing my LO taught me...

Post by Idiotic »

Youre right. One more thing i did/do seek in new people , potential LOs or other close relationships, sometimes unconsciously i seek drama by
deliberate provocation, touching the nerves and pushing buttons, recognising familiar hidden motives i recognise in them(is that why some people like to punish others with enthusiasm , without taking a look at themselves), i think i do this as perhaps finding means of resolution outside myself, cos each escalating intense episode diverts me from dealing with my own destructive forces (an explosive mix of helplessness anger and general thanatos stuff). When i dont understand or know how to channel these forces.
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn
theorina38
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Re: One thing my LO taught me...

Post by theorina38 »

Agree! LO taught me not to hide my emotions. There's nothing wrong with being vulnerable. Or to ask for what you need.
There are moments where you've got to share your soul and show who you are and not be afraid of it.
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
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