Hello everyone and breaking NC

What did you learn from your expereince of limerence? How did you change? how did you grow? What were the upsides and downsides?
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marko
Posts: 1748
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Hello everyone and breaking NC

Post by marko »

Haven't been around since last spring as I've maintained what I need to in order to keep LO thoughts to their usual minimum. Her birthday is at the end of August and I have my annual checkup at the VA yesterday--less than a mile from where she works. One rehearses and plots ways to get back into the LOs world and I was fine in August and thought, why not say hi. It's been almost 2 years since i've seen her and haven't had any contact for over a year. I wanted and not wanted her to accept lunch after my appt. I rehearsed lines and planned and projected how it would all go. I was also paying close attention to what all this triggered in me.

LE like symptoms were very quick as my sleep was interrupted by those flittering thoughts, and anxieties of how she would view me. I texted the invite and she soon said yes. The euphoria that swept over for about 2 hours was amazing. It subsided into the what did I do that for regret. We ate, she was her beautiful charming self and we talked like best buds for a while and parted with a non inviting thanks, that was fun.

After felt like post LE, with the down of knowing that what we want isn't possible. Part of our feeling good is to pretend the LO will be something in our lives and when it gets driven home, it kind of sucks. At the same time most of us know that to be true, but yet figured out ways to deny that. Today I feel pretty normal. Still tossing the lines around and it took a while to fall asleep last night. She remains and intriguing person--both appealing and yet someone I would avoid. I want her to want me, in fantasy I want her, in reality I miss our fun a bit, knowing our lives are just what they are. Part of me is sad that I probably will never do this again, but next year I'll think about it and who knows.

I'm glad I didn't go to work with her, she is quitting and I'd be sunk. I would have been sunk playing the LE game every day. I was far more honest with her and myself this time, but still wanted to be cool and wanted by her. I think it was kind of good to do it, but in the end stupid as well as it keeps some thoughts alive that should die--but probably wouldn't any way.
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David
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Posts: 3507
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
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Great Britain

Re: Hello everyone and breaking NC

Post by David »

marko wrote: Wed Sep 22, 2021 2:31 pm

I'm glad I didn't go to work with her, she is quitting and I'd be sunk. I would have been sunk playing the LE game every day. I was far more honest with her and myself this time, but still wanted to be cool and wanted by her. I think it was kind of good to do it, but in the end stupid as well as it keeps some thoughts alive that should die--but probably wouldn't any way.
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dian
Posts: 46
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2018 8:58 pm
Austria

Re: Hello everyone and breaking NC

Post by dian »

I had NC since August 2018, (I had disclosed, he was pretty abusive everafter..) , Sept20 he contacted me, wanting to speak via phone. (to get at friends level again)
As I know how little he is able to listen, and how much he is full of himself, I rejected, and suggested instead, he should write a letter to me. Thus he would have had to give at least some thought and energy into his words.
Im proud of myself!
He first accepted, but never managed to write it.
Another post of him this April, actually friendly words...
Im proud of myself, to have kept him at a healthy distance, (my heart is still a bit affected)but I can see the game from a distance, and I stepped out of the role.
Dictated the game rules, this feels great.
If I should see development within him...., ok ,with a friendship, but its much easier without :) :) :)
dian
Posts: 46
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2018 8:58 pm
Austria

Re: Hello everyone and breaking NC

Post by dian »

Well, still in LE..?., when Im still dreaming of a friendship...?,
it is just not worth the effort, I can see reality much better now... :)
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