The ups and downs and what I'm learning

What did you learn from your expereince of limerence? How did you change? how did you grow? What were the upsides and downsides?
Maddie
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Re: The ups and downs and what I'm learning

Post by Maddie »

@mrspock

Very insightful! Thank you. Because you are right, my desire for him to think of me feels like a need. Intellectually, I know it's not a true need. I am still at the point of where many of my actions are motivated by, "would this impress him?" It's like I imagine him as the back drop to my life here lately...

The fact that I'll hopefully get to a point where it will be irrelevant is awesome!

Later in your post you mentioned emotional disconnection and surviving something. What was it?

Great suggestion, btw. I would love to do something like that!
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
MrSpock
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Re: The ups and downs and what I'm learning

Post by MrSpock »

Maddie wrote: Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:30 pm Later in your post you mentioned emotional disconnection and surviving something. What was it?
In that sentence, with "surviving it" I really only meant that it could be really really difficult for a small kid to become exposed to something like that. Like seeing other kids, some your age, with a deformity. Or this girl I still remember today, she was extremely autistic to the point of absolutely zero communication. I was holding her hand and she would not respond at all, like in a comma, except she was quite conscious. I always figured that I was able to do that without being myself affected because of being emotionally disconnected as I always been.

Well, not always since I'm really changing that since limerence. Like today for instance, I just saw the trailer of this movie:

"Irreplaceable You"

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt6119856/

and I had to hold back the tears (fortunately there was no one around to see it).


Here is link to my "identity" thread with a background on why I am/was so emotionally disconnected

http://www.limerence.net/forum/viewtopi ... 460#p40460

FWIW, I did have the experience of "surviving" though, when I was really close to dying. I shared that here:

http://www.limerence.net/forum/viewtopi ... 523#p36523
Maddie
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Re: The ups and downs and what I'm learning

Post by Maddie »

Wow! It is amazing what our early development can set us up for! I understand the detachment. Survival, huh?

And that was awful what you went through with the friend.....he sounds anti-social to me.

Despite all of this, sounds like you've accomplished a lot. You are mighty resilient.

And, that movie looks great!!
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
MrSpock
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Re: The ups and downs and what I'm learning

Post by MrSpock »

Maddie wrote: Fri Mar 16, 2018 8:53 pm You are mighty resilient.
:)

Some people tell me that I am way more resilient than I should. Like is a bad thing because I over-adapt but then things never change.
In any case, I think is more of a consequence of the way I see this life, due to my believes, than a personal characteristic.

I believe we are eternal and this human life is really just a temporary passage. In the ocean of eternity, this life is nothing but a drop. Whenever I feel like I can't take it anymore I remember that in a million years it won't matter and it will be just a distant experience. Time heals all wounds and we have limitless time ahead.

I also believe that evolution cannot be stopped, only delayed, so no matter how long it takes, we will figure out how to stop suffering, how to stop hurting each other. So, not only do we have all of eternity ahead, we are not doomed to eternal suffering. Is just a long journey.

And, since that applies to everyone, then we all, each and everyone, will get "there", some sooner some later.

In my view, life is a lesson, and pain is a message. It doesn't really has to be nice and easy, it just has to be fruitful. We're here to learn and that we do learn is all that ultimately really matters.
Maddie
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Re: The ups and downs and what I'm learning

Post by Maddie »

A side effect of LE

A resurgance of lack of trust in SO = my guilty conscience? And he sees I'm becoming neurotic. Bet that's attractive ....

Depressed and high anxiety today, but called a wonderful friend and she helped me confront a painful reality about me, maybe what ppl call a shadow. She's a God send. That decreased the pain substantially. She knows about the LE and has also experienced it in her past.

The freaking hits I got may have well as been crack. I am accepting the reality of our separate lives....at the moment (my life vs the life of LO )

Just trying so hard not to replay any interactions, past or future/pretend interactions. Pointless.

Hope that I am grateful for this experience as I recover. I pray I dont seek out or get back into LE. Never, ever, ever again.

Peace and love LE peeps
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
Maddie
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Re: The ups and downs and what I'm learning

Post by Maddie »

Had somewhat of an awakening over the weekend--

First of all, weekends are challenging for me! Here are some random musings...

I ran a race (5K) this weekend. Just because LO said he liked to run, I expected he would be there. How crazy! I make these associations that would not normally go together-- the only common thread being LO. Sometimes I feel like Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. LOL.

Also, I am realizing that although my SO can be so loving and is a GREAT father to our kiddos, he is so absent sometimes (checked out), but then so am I-- I am one to talk about this!

Mirrors...what does or did LO mirror for me?? I likely won't know since we didn't get to know each other that well. Maybe a deep need to be noticed. Visible. I keep going back to this visibility thing-- I think from an original abandonment from my father. But just noticed something...the minute LE crystallized, I abandoned myself. Everything that was important to me at that moment in time became less important. Everything was planned around seeing him. In active alcoholism and substance addiction, I abandoned myself so many times I can't even count!
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
Maddie
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Re: The ups and downs and what I'm learning

Post by Maddie »

New observation:

More focused on the topic of LE instead of LO

Although did have a recent dream where I sat down to talk to him and when I looked up at him, it was another guy and not an attractive one. No one I recognized.

Lastly, sometimes when I lie down to sleep, I have to get just a sneak peek of a memory...almost to comfort and validate that it did in fact occur....hmmmm
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
Maddie
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Re: The ups and downs and what I'm learning

Post by Maddie »

Random :
Not that I don't think of him and find him attractive physically, but I am beginning to care less about his motives, if I was special, blah blah, blah....ok maybe I still wonder, just a tiny bit. But not bewildered , obsessed about that part.

Had another dream about him. Lord, I was in his house, their house! Lol. Saw a wedding pic of LO/his SO. He looked about like Joe Dirt and she...well she looked rough . In the dream, I thought...."well, he's come around nicely..." and relieved by the horrible pic. Lol. True story .do not judge.

Went to bed next to hubby- I was reading Tennov. Now, THIS concerns me. At least I can work on the relationship now. I'm bringing Tennovs book to work, getting that out of my bedroom. Smh.

Awareness is the beginning of change.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
Matty5000
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Re: The ups and downs and what I'm learning

Post by Matty5000 »

ups and downs is right! Its good to see you're making progress :)
Keep at it M :ymhug:
Other people make excellent mirrors.
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Maddie
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Re: The ups and downs and what I'm learning

Post by Maddie »

Thanks M5000!! 😊
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
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