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well shit...

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
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L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: well shit...

Post by L-F »

Growing up I associated abuse with love. No wonder I allowed abusers who mimicked my parents behavior to enter my life. My delusional thinking really wasn't that delusional, probably more misled in my books.  Misled by LO and vice versa - just two wounded souls leading each other astray on a subconscious level.  Won the battle in my mind and heart, limerence free and loving life unconditionally. Forgiven parents and all the toughest times that taught me to be gentle... eventually.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: well shit...

Post by L-F »

You are all fucked up.

We are all fucked up.

What's not normal about that???
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: well shit...

Post by L-F »

This thread brings back memories of my healing journey.

Stages.

Blaming LO
Confusion
Understanding
Looking within
Healing

So much so this forum has been a gift.

Without it, I don't know if I would have had the courage to look in the mirror. Being abused creates strong ties to the abuser, forever walking in their shadows. Being too young to understand the lifelong implications. It's difficult to look inwards, yet more difficult to live in the shadow of shame carrying the weight of their sins like stones on my heart.

It always bugged me that they would get on with life and I was left fighting to keep my head above the water. Deemed to be forever be their victim.

This forum has given me the gift of insight to know what I needed to drop.

Thank you, David, for this forum which taught me how to be more conscious of my pain and to have the courage to feel it.

Forgiveness is not a path for everyone, though I chose to walk it.

Because of this gift, it is helping to bring about change for others.

Because of this gift, I can sit holding my fathers hand without wanting to run a mile. I can see his fragility.

Because of this gift, I have reconnected with my mother. I see the delight in her eyes knowing I'm there just listening to her ramble. For the first time, I see her.

Because of this gift I now have a deeper and more meaningful connection with my eldest who felt abandoned because he was sent to boarding school.
Had I not been led here via LO/LE, I wouldn't have had a chance to rewrite history.

Limerence has been a gift. A chance to recreate healthier relationships... with me, SO and loved ones.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Maddie
Posts: 1515
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: well shit...

Post by Maddie »

L-F wrote: Mon Aug 10, 2020 9:15 am

Limerence has been a gift.
What you wrote is beautiful. That took a lot of hard work to get to where you are! Good job :ymhug:
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: well shit...

Post by L-F »

Maddie wrote: Wed Aug 12, 2020 1:06 am
L-F wrote: Mon Aug 10, 2020 9:15 am

Limerence has been a gift.
What you wrote is beautiful. That took a lot of hard work to get to where you are! Good job :ymhug:
Nawww.... thank you Maddie.

I hope you find peace in your heart, and always hold on to hope. Hope for a better situation is what got me thought. Xoxo
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
mycorona
Posts: 259
Joined: Wed Aug 05, 2020 7:16 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: well shit...

Post by mycorona »

Just wanted to say. I could have seen him yesterday but chose not to. It was nothing to anyone else but a big deal to me - to resist seeing him that is. I'm cutting contact more and more as best I can. He misses his 'audience' 'cos without me there, there's no one else to show off to. Sorry to disappoint you Jackass, but I'm not there for your ego trip. Boy do I feel proud of that achievement yesterday. Small thing, but big thing too. He asked where I was. Why does that matter, but it does? Nothing I'd like more than the high of seeing his beautiful face - but the afterglow is more a 'heart on fire with longing' kinda thing. Each missed meet up gives me some of my self respect back ....

On to the next miss..........
Me: F
LO: M
Both Married
“Invisible Threads are the Strongest Ties” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
HopelesslyDevoted
Posts: 35
Joined: Wed Sep 02, 2020 12:26 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: well shit...

Post by HopelesslyDevoted »

Well done mycorona, it took strength to resist seeing your LO and you're right to be proud of yourself. Each time it will get a little easier and it sounds like you see through him now which is half of the battle.

You should reward yourself with a small treat, you deserve it!
Good luck everyone!
mycorona
Posts: 259
Joined: Wed Aug 05, 2020 7:16 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: well shit...

Post by mycorona »

@ HopelesslyDevoted
Thanks for the encouragement. It helps my resolve :x .....
I may meet him on Saturday, as I can't go totally NC. LC is best I can do for the moment. I'm trying to back out under the radar, so to speak. It's a coffee meet up situation and I don't want to be asked too many questions by SO as to why I don't want to go. I also don't want LO to cop on to what I'm doing. He suspects and is pulling out the stops with over chattiness and even brushing against me as he passes. He doesn't want to lose his audience. I can understand that, must be great to wallow in someone elses admiration. He needs it, complains of lack of affection, love, etc. But the gravy train is over!!!
Hope I still feel this strong come Sunday morning..
Me: F
LO: M
Both Married
“Invisible Threads are the Strongest Ties” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: well shit...

Post by L-F »

Last posted in August 2020.
A lot has been deleted to remove unnecessary and unwanted reflections and/or identifying material. A lot of posts, a long journey.

So went to T to identify any blind spots. None. Well, none she could see, except...
T said that I was seduced going by what LO had said and done. Seduced. Wow. Confirms nothing =))

Just goes to show how easily lead I was :-B

Okay okay, time to be serious.

I mean, why wouldn't she try and seduce me? LO was/is a bisexual and I must have been attractive to her. No big deal really. All she did was open my eyes to my gay side. Oh boy! What a journey that was!

And here I sit back in Heteroville.

BUT... The abuse of power gets me. Was I that attractive that she'd risk her career over? I doubt it. To this day I will never fully understand her reasoning/thinking process.

No amount of pondering will prove anything.

Many invisible lines were crossed, from both sides. Lines that we're evident to T. T holds LO responsible due to her position of power.

So regardless who started it, the person in the position of power will ultimately look responsible. To all those in a position of power, please keep that in mind.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
David
Site Admin
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Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Age: 64
Great Britain

Re: well shit...

Post by David »

L-F wrote: Sun Jun 13, 2021 9:37 pm
Many invisible lines were crossed, from both sides. Lines that we're evident to T. T holds LO responsible due to her position of power.

So regardless who started it, the person in the position of power will ultimately look responsible. To all those in a position of power, please keep that in mind.
I agree. too many in power abuse that privilege. And when that trust the person who is lower in the power dynamic is betrayed, its can be so damaging.

This book on the issue, was thought provoking. It is gendered and the author only covers about men abusing power, when women can do it too, perhaps in more covert ways. There is an assumption that men dont get hurt if they are abused by a woman when the power dynamics are switched, however, that is not always the case. Maybe its far more common for men to do this?

Sex in the Forbidden Zone: When Therapists, Doctors, Clergy, Teachers and Other Men in Power Betray Women's Trust

Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
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