Pics of LO

[MrSpock]

@MrSpock: I don't understand why this was done. It's not like you are/were actively pursuing, chasing, or trying to infiltrate her life. You haven't talked with her for months, so this just seems like an extreme reaction to me. In fact, it kind of reminds me of how my co-worker acted. If I said something he didn't like, he would just shut down and ignore me. This happened several times and I didn't understand that behavior. After a lot of analyzing and thought on this, my conclusion was that he had a lot of the behavior patterns of covert narcissism. Now I am not suggesting that she is the same, but any extreme reaction to something trivial is triggering something major. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, albeit a painful one, but will move you to the next step of healing this.

You're absolutely right. That is extreme, and she has no reason to do that.
Back then, in her last IG message, she said that "she has been very patient" (and I never understood how come) and asked me to never write to her again. I responded "OK" and that was it. There was no need to block me.
Furthermore, I remember now that some time after that, maybe a couple of months, I landed on her IG page and it "had no posts", which is how you see the IG page of someone you are not following (or as in this case, removed you from the followers list).
So, she first remove me from her followers, which I can understand, as in fact I did the same and unfollow her myself. But, this shows that she blocked me after that, which makes no sense. As you said, I didn't do a thing.. I never, ever, pursued or chased her, or anything.... even in the TKD classes, which is the only place in which we interacted, I completely minded my own business ever since she ghosted me. She just stopped talking to me, and I didn't try to talk to her back anyway at all. So, blocking me makes no sense, and its quite extreme.

I have no idea why she did all these things she did. And I will never know because we don't have, never had, a relationship that would let me get to know her, to figure it out.

But right now I do see one thing crystal clear, and it's the one thing that ultimately really matters: she doesn't care about me, period. She didn't just blocked me in the past, she left me blocked for ever and ever (it's been a year and half already). That means that even if blocking me was an extreme reaction, if she had an ounce of interest for me, she would have unblocked me by now. But she hasn't, and that shows that she just never ever thinks about me at all, and would have never had any intention of re-connecting in any way.

So yes, this is an absolute blessing! it has been the hope that she might one day like me back the thing that has kept me from letting her go and move on. Now I know for a fact that that was never going to happen.

[AMA210]

MrSpock:
Most of these LE's have no definitive closure to them. One has to create that closure, so to adopt the view of her closing it out is actually a good thing. At least now you can stop wondering about it and this eliminates the possibility for reconnection at some point because it doesn't matter how slim that is, the fact that it still exists provides an opportunity to hold onto that. It could be a 1% chance, but in the limerent mindset, it is still not zero.

In retrospect, I had to create my own closure with the co-worker and that was a process in itself. But, in a weak moment and overcome with a wave of nostalgia, I sent him a friend request again and he denied it right away, so ultimately, he did give me the closure that I wanted, and it was at that point, that I was able to let it go completely, and I have not gone back.

I am glad that you finally have an ending to this, but now take the time to process it. I almost wish I had that because I still don't, but I am working with it every day, trying to get a clearer picture of it and analyzing my actions surrounding it.

[Maddie]

I have not gone back.

Great job AMA! I am working right there alongside you to keep moving forward.

and Spock, I agree with AMA that the LO did respond in an extreme fashion, seems like. but like you said, what a BLESSING in the long run! the most important thing is that however the ending comes about.....it just needs to come! there's no winning in this scenario, especially if we are in contact with them. lots of people seem to be flourishing after limerence and even feel that it's helped them grow in some way. so let's celebrate getting back our clarity/serenity/sanity


how are you doing today Since2013?

[Since2013]

@Maddie...hi and thanks for asking because I really need to vent.

Still looked at the pic a few times, but I THINK I avoided actual contact.

My energy for him seems to have subsided for the past few days. I guess it's from avoiding. I'm experiencing everything from moments to feeling like I will be okay to feeling angry at him. I keep thinking that he's thinking that I'm a fool and that he's laughing at me and I'm the butt of joke. You ever feel this way?

My husband is like "what's up?" because the cessation of energy related to my LO hasn't been translating into me jumping his bones all the time. TMI. Sorry.

[Maddie]

but I THINK I avoided actual contact.

feeling angry at him. I keep thinking that he's thinking that I'm a fool and that he's laughing at me and I'm the butt of joke. You ever feel this way?

" because the cessation of energy related to my LO hasn't been translating into ....

what you mean by you think you avoided contact?

also...I can relate to feeling like the joke's on me! Here lately I've been experiencing anger towards him, myself, and the situation. regarding him...I do think my anger is appropriate for the situation, as he is a total groomer of women.

I hope you've had a good weekend

[Since2013]

@Maddie

Hi! My weekend was good. Hope yours was good too.

So last week, I managed to get my walks in while avoiding the 7:00-7:10 possible citing. I know that there's another time that I could also run into him, around 8:30 a.m. Avoided that too. Ran out to Mickey D's for lunch one day. Thought I saw him, but still not sure. I didn't make eye contact. I just looked away in order to protect my emotions. Also, was going to get take out because I was too lazy to cook one evening. Could have bumped into him again. Didn't look that time either. I am staying put this week. He will not see me anywhere!

How are you doing? Are the passing days and weeks delivering any relief for you?

[Daydreaming]

I have a folder on my computer with hundreds of photos taken from LO's social media and her family.
I also have screenshots of some conversations and publications that I think it is important to keep stored in order to remember moments of reciprocity with LO.
I have a picture of her on my phone taken without her knowing it when I found her in a place I frequented.
Since I met LO, I have always tried to store as much information about her as possible, especially photos. I can't explain the reason very well, but it seems that having this type of content stored is one of the only ways to make it concrete and closer to me.
Years ago I looked everywhere in my house to try to locate the ticket for the movie session I bought the day I met LO and even today I feel sad that I didn't find it. For some reason, physical elements associated with LO have a much stronger feeling value for me than virtual things.
I would be able to pay a small fortune if someone brought me a photo of the day when I was sitting next to LO having a good conversation about life.
The need to have something physical that allows me to re-analyze every moment with LO is inexplicable.

[Daydreaming]

MrSpock:
Most of these LE's have no definitive closure to them. One has to create that closure, so to adopt the view of her closing it out is actually a good thing. At least now you can stop wondering about it and this eliminates the possibility for reconnection at some point because it doesn't matter how slim that is, the fact that it still exists provides an opportunity to hold onto that. It could be a 1% chance, but in the limerent mindset, it is still not zero.

In retrospect, I had to create my own closure with the co-worker and that was a process in itself. But, in a weak moment and overcome with a wave of nostalgia, I sent him a friend request again and he denied it right away, so ultimately, he did give me the closure that I wanted, and it was at that point, that I was able to let it go completely, and I have not gone back.

I am glad that you finally have an ending to this, but now take the time to process it. I almost wish I had that because I still don't, but I am working with it every day, trying to get a clearer picture of it and analyzing my actions surrounding it.

I failed in my only attempt to obtain a closure with LO. I wrote a letter describing all the feelings that never came into your hands. After that, I chose to purposely walk away from her due to the fear of being rejected. I preferred to keep the good memories about her with NC, but to this day I haven't been able to escape the limerent feelings. Several things continue to work as a trigger for me to put LO back in the center of my thoughts.
Perhaps not having obtained a closure was a bad idea. Time has not been able to heal my feelings or distance my thoughts on LO.

[AMA210]

@Daydreaming: You have not failed at all. I can guarantee that writing and giving letters to the LO does not always result in closure! It never did in my case and I gave him 7 letters. A secret hope of mine was to prompt a response from him that would eventually lead into a closure. NOPE every time.

There is still not closure of this situation. Most likely the limerence part of it, yes, but given the fact that I continue to see him every 2-3 months in the surrounding area, this continues to trigger me. It is like a whole other process that continues beyond the main event of limerence and something that I would have never anticipated.

So I continue to work with it, even now.
There is healing and clarity and then more triggering. Repeat. In the past two years, this cycle has happened 6 times already.
I feel I am nearing the end of it, though!

[Maddie]

How are you doing? Are the passing days and weeks delivering any relief for you?

yes , they sure are. I am proud of you for avoiding him. in my opinion, it will ALWAYS pay off to avoid contact with them. Keep up the good work!!