Pics of LO

[Since2013]

Hi All.

If you don't actually see your LO in person, do you have pics of him/her? Do you find yourself looking at the pics all the time?

I do run into my LO, and I also have a pic (don't even ask me how I got it, LOL!). I look at the pic a lot. I had to crop someone else out of the pic. I only looked at the pic one today. Tomorrow starts a new work week and presents new opportunities to see him. My goal is no contact and to not look at his pic at all.

I hope everyone has great week!

[John]

Pictures, thoughts, fantasies, they are all part of the LE.

[marko]

I have a few. I don't really ever look at them. Sometimes it's like, well she isn't great looking, and then it's so strange, I see what caught my eye. I have no urge, but also can't delete. Letting go of most things like this is tough. Does it make her real, does it make my feeling real, not sure but deleting means I'd never have it again. I would also feel really weird if she saw I had taken them.

[Maddie]

I'm like you Marko, I can't delete but I may have to bc it really doesn't need to be on my phone, if you catch my drift. But I don't ever look at it. I don't ever want to get back into desiring him, especially in the sexual way. with the curiouity getting the best of me, I gotta ask...@marko, how'd you take the pics? "My LO" sent it to me, but I asked for it. ugh.

but the fantasies....in the past I'd spend hours fantasizing. now I do fantasize about talking to him or running into him, but I try to limit it if I can. I even recently had the crazy fantasy of going back to where I met him to "recreate" the moment of the initial meeting. I even remember what I was wearing that night, the night the lightening strike of LE happened. Let me dig up those old clothes and try them on for size. j/k

[Since2013]

I looked several times yesterday, but not at all today. For the past few weeks, I had been looking at it maybe 5-10 times a day. The pic crossed my mind today, but I don't have a real desire to look at it. Is that what happens when you go no contact? Today makes a week since I saw him. Today I actually feel like I will be ok. I also found out from hub that bus routes will be changing schedule soon. This will either send me into another tail spin because I won't know where he is and when, but this is probably just what I need right now. I was doing just fine prior to June 2020.

@Maddie, I'm with you on the fantasies. I can spend hours..................................

[jigsawme]

I have some pics of LO, and as much as I crave to look at them, I fear I will feel extremely depressed afterwards. They remind me how much I want her and yet can't have her. My goal is to feel better because I am quite frankly feeling very miserable off-late. I am told No Contact is the way but still to feel the benefit, right now all I feel is misery :(

[MrSpock]

I used to download, keep and stare at a couple of pictures of LO quite a lot. Even more so, online, when we connected on FB and IG.
But then, about a year and a half ago, I sort of almost-disclosed on a cryptic message, enough for her to figure out that, at a minimum, I liked her in that way, and she pretty much hated me ever since. I un-followed her from IG and FB, so I only had the few pics downloaded on my PC.
Gradually and painfully, I stop staring at her pics and one day I just delete them all.

However, a couple of moths ago, someone shared with me a couple of group photos with LO on it (among other friends). So I found myself back to staring at it... just a few times, maybe 5, but not more, only because I restrained myself.

Today, someone shared an IG post with another group photo, and of course, she was there too.

Unfortunately, I got to see how IG showed me the tags for anyone in this new photo, except hers. I was curious, and quickly found that she had blocked me (because her profile appears as if it doesn't exist on IG, which is what happens when someone blocks you rather than just un-follow you).

On the one hand, that's completely to be expected and matches the way she reacted in person.
On the other hand, I just didn't realize this before and I wasn't prepared or something, because it hit me hard.
I'm not even sure why it makes me so sad, because is not that we were talking or anything. She never again talked to me. In fact, she used to not even greet me at all, as if I were invisible. And only in the last few classes (before the quarantine 6 months ago) she started to at least say a cold "hi" (just to be respectful).

I suppose that the reason I'm sad now is the fact that I had been hoping, all this time, that it will just pass and she would go back to at least not hating me. But the fact that I remain blocked, to this date, shows that she just never looked back, I'm not in her mind at all, and that "going back to normal" is never going to happen.

Maybe now I can finally let go for good. That'll be nice.

[Idiotic]

I used to download, keep and stare at a couple of pictures of LO quite a lot. Even more so, online, when we connected on FB and IG.
But then, about a year and a half ago, I sort of almost-disclosed on a cryptic message, enough for her to figure out that, at a minimum, I liked her in that way, and she pretty much hated me ever since. I un-followed her from IG and FB, so I only had the few pics downloaded on my PC.
Gradually and painfully, I stop staring at her pics and one day I just delete them all.

However, a couple of moths ago, someone shared with me a couple of group photos with LO on it (among other friends). So I found myself back to staring at it... just a few times, maybe 5, but not more, only because I restrained myself.

Today, someone shared an IG post with another group photo, and of course, she was there too.

Unfortunately, I got to see how IG showed me the tags for anyone in this new photo, except hers. I was curious, and quickly found that she had blocked me (because her profile appears as if it doesn't exist on IG, which is what happens when someone blocks you rather than just un-follow you).

On the one hand, that's completely to be expected and matches the way she reacted in person.
On the other hand, I just didn't realize this before and I wasn't prepared or something, because it hit me hard.
I'm not even sure why it makes me so sad, because is not that we were talking or anything. She never again talked to me. In fact, she used to not even greet me at all, as if I were invisible. And only in the last few classes (before the quarantine 6 months ago) she started to at least say a cold "hi" (just to be respectful).

I suppose that the reason I'm sad now is the fact that I had been hoping, all this time, that it will just pass and she would go back to at least not hating me. But the fact that I remain blocked, to this date, shows that she just never looked back, I'm not in her mind at all, and that "going back to normal" is never going to happen.

Maybe now I can finally let go for good. That'll be nice.

Wow finding out you've been blocked is hurtful, even if the person isn't an LO.
Guess this makes it worse. Sorry you were hurting a bit, you're gonna be fine I'm sure.

[MrSpock]

Thank you Idy!

I didn't see that coming, so it left me breathless, like I've been punched in the gut.
But yes, I'll be all right before the end of the day!
or tomorrow, or ...

[AMA210]

@MrSpock: I don't understand why this was done. It's not like you are/were actively pursuing, chasing, or trying to infiltrate her life. You haven't talked with her for months, so this just seems like an extreme reaction to me. In fact, it kind of reminds me of how my co-worker acted. If I said something he didn't like, he would just shut down and ignore me. This happened several times and I didn't understand that behavior. After a lot of analyzing and thought on this, my conclusion was that he had a lot of the behavior patterns of covert narcissism. Now I am not suggesting that she is the same, but any extreme reaction to something trivial is triggering something major. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, albeit a painful one, but will move you to the next step of healing this.

In the LE days, I would have at least 20 pics of LO on my phone, which was quite a lot. At one point, I deleted all of them and had none for a period of time. Over time, I added a few new ones, and now I have two. But the good part is that I don't look at them as often as I did before, and that is very good progress.

Since LO is not on social media, I snag the pics from his SO's Facebook page, but in the past few months, the very fact that she and the kid are in most of of them is a big turn off for me. There are few pictures of them actually together. I have never found her to be attractive, both externally and internally, so it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth, period, which I guess is a deterrent right there.
Also another weird thing is that his daughter used to look just like him when she was young, probably up to age 7 or so, and now, having grown up a bit, looks like the SO. My face contorts like I have been sucking on a lemon for hours!