Relapse :(

[Nowords]

Why this made me cry I’m not really sure. Maybe it was the lost in translation reference. It’s all so tragic yet wonderful all at the same time. I admire your self awareness and how you’ve embraced your LE experience as a major growth experience. People do come into our lives and no matter the outcome gives us purpose. It drives us in the direction we need to go ultimately. We just have to recognize that and learn.

“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.” – Nancy Stephan

Aw thank you. it seems impossible to let go. It really is both magical and the most painful thing I’ve ever felt. I have accepted I just have to get used to this other persons spirit in me from now on?’ Like in the song, “maybe I’m learning why the sea on the tide has no way of turning”

I really do find it so interesting and comforting that the way I feel is shared by so many - the way you have described things are exactly how I feel and have experience things over the last several years. It has helped me enormously. I have struggled to find the words to describe to, well, no one except me. Having this outlet is so much better than therapy for me. Though, the anti-depressant is certainly helpful. The introspection that comes along with this has been good, but also very difficult at times. Learning to accept and learn how to move forward has been a blessing. I am not even close to being healed, but I do feel stronger each day. Well, some days I am a mess and fighting to maintain NC has been horribly difficult. Limerence is in fact so strongly correlated with addiction - the pleasure pathway between the mid brain and the frontal cortex is constantly challenged and I wonder if there is such a thing as Limerence Recovery. Addiction is in fact a disease - way to complicated to get into here - but, anyone reading this look closely at this from that lens. For me, it has brought some comfort in that some of my actions are involuntary - not at all an excuse, but a reality that I have to live with this and frankly stick to a recovery routine. My childhood past has bubbled up and I can better understand why I think the way I do and this in turn is helping me better myself. Again, I have so much more work to do and the contact craving, another qualifier of addiction, is constant. Time and NC or maybe some day LC with a new perspective. I don't really fully know, but important journey non the less. Happy Holidays to anyone reading this. Stay strong.

[mycorona]

Hello Nowords:
I can see you are still hurting very much. I hope the Christmas time is not too hard on all of us.

I would be interested in your opinion on a thread I created called " Some Insight that might help us LEs heal". I am trying to get some opinions on my ideas.
Thanks...

[Spadge100]

Hi nowords and all

You have hit the nail on the head as it is simply an addiction. It hits all the same chemicals into overload. Some people can regulate those better than others. I unfortunately struggle to regulate mine but that’s not a bad thing as I am often more happy/hypomanic than down, except for the crashing down this year due to limerence.

Anything you can do to positively trigger those reward systems is a good thing. I exercise a lot, and whilst my mind may wander I have a goal to do my first triathlon next year which will keep me at it.

Is rumination such a bad thing if it’s all in your head and doesn’t lead to contact? I am realising that beating myself up for thinking about her makes me feel a lot worse so I’m trying to be easy on myself. If she doesn’t think about me that’s fine, by being NC I wouldn’t know either way. I am on my own journey without her in it anyway.

This forum has been a lifeline at times, so thank you all for listening and replying, it means a lot and a lot more use than any therapy.

Good luck to one and all

[IvB]

Nowords, yes, it's exactly like an addiction. Ever time uou contact LO is like a you gave up and got a glass of alcohol. It helped me to realize that if I do contact LO, my emotions are a rollercoaster while if I maintain NC, they are more stable. Sadness, but stable. I prefer that to the rollercoaster. Also, indeed, it's involuntary, it's not "wrong". It is a type of love and not something you should feel guilty about.
I do believe that recovery is possible and we learn from this. We share your pain, keep strong.

[Nowords]

Hello Nowords:
I can see you are still hurting very much. I hope the Christmas time is not too hard on all of us.

I would be interested in your opinion on a thread I created called " Some Insight that might help us LEs heal". I am trying to get some opinions on my ideas.
Thanks...

Ah, I wondered if there was a thread like that. I will put what I am learning and how I am dealing with healing. Merry Christmas.