Relapse :(

[Lindsay]

Overall I’m grateful that this LE has happened to me because I have grown for the better. Before this, I was drifting. I was lacking any drive or passion. I was indifferent. I was just looking to be comfortable and take it easy. I was lazy and uninspired. Slowly this experience has brought passion and eagerness into my life to chase after my wildest dreams. To go after what I’m meant to do here. But I feel such love for my lo. I want to be near him. I got to watch him at a zoom meeting last week, and oh my heart! While watching and listening to him I felt such warmth inside, almost like a content feeling finally. But gosh ever since I have been longing for him so bad and feeling utterly devastated.

I just don’t know how I can see him on a regular basis at church. Once it’s back in person. My plan is to not look him in
The eyes ever. Smile and say hi but no eyes.

My dreams would come true if he could tell me that he thinks of me and wishes he could be near me too. That would make me so happy. I still wouldn’t want to risk hurting our families so it wouldn’t change anything really except I could be happy just knowing that.

Have you seen lost in translation? It’s definitely a twin flame relationship. The song “more than this” by Roxy music really nails it too. What do you think he whispers in her ear?

Maybe twin flames are not a real thing. It’s probably just addiction and self soothing but either way I’m glad I’m having this experience for the spiritual and personal growth, I really needed this kick in the butt.

[JupiterTaco]

It could be for any reason. It could've just been him waiting for a chance to do it without you knowing, it could've been random, it could've been an attempt at manipulation (common bpd tactic ime) or you posted one too many things that pissed him off. Only he knows I guess...

What's important here is to accept what it means when someone publicly shows such callousness and disinterest towards you (whether or not someone else notices). They're literally removing themselves from your life, giving you a huge green light to stop giving a crap about them.

Also, I do believe in twin flames, I just think people mistake the reason they exist, which is to teach you some lessons, not be together forever (or at all). True twin flames can't be near each other for long, it hurts too much, from my own experience and what I understand anyway.

[Nowords]

Why this made me cry I’m not really sure. Maybe it was the lost in translation reference. It’s all so tragic yet wonderful all at the same time. I admire your self awareness and how you’ve embraced your LE experience as a major growth experience. People do come into our lives and no matter the outcome gives us purpose. It drives us in the direction we need to go ultimately. We just have to recognize that and learn.

“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.” – Nancy Stephan

[Spadge100]

I completely agree with nowords. If you can’t grow from the experience of LE then it’s all for nothing.

After an intense three month EA I learnt tonight that my LO has moved on quickly from what we had. It makes me angry to some degree that I have wasted precious time thinking about her but then glad in a way that it has knocked her off the pedestal.

I wish her both nothing but happiness but I have expended way too much emotional energy on something that was ultimately a fantasy.

I am just glad I have remained NC for over two months now and long may it continue.

Good luck all in getting the other side of this horrible and futile affliction

[itry]

(deleted)

[Spadge100]

Hi Itry

I met up with a mutual friend yesterday. She was in the middle a little bit which I regret. She told me my SOs husband had kissed his best friend so it seems our “friendship” was just a way to get back at her husband. A childish game of tit for tat.

The mutual friend was fairly appalled at how I was treated in the end, dropped in an instant with no explanation\the odd cold communication as if it was all my fault.

All through our interactions I kept it friendly and never pushed for anything. I believed I had reconnected with an old friend but it turns out I was just a pawn in an already messed up marriage.

It hurt to find out I pretty much meant nothing to her and she used it as a way to prove to her SO that she was still attractive and could leave if she wanted to.

At least now I can look at it for what it was, not a friendship at all. All those months of guilt, shame, being hospitalised for a nervous breakdown and receiving a bipolar diagnosis bought on because of it all meant nothing to her ultimately.

I’m not going to dwell on it. She doesn’t deserve my anger or frustration, i just look forward to the day when I can think of her with nothing more than indifference.

I feel embarrassed that I was so concerned about her when in truth she was over it the minute it was disclosed and her SO forgave her.

Life is full of lessons, at least I can now focus purely on my SO who has been so understanding through all of this and shown me what true love is.

[itry]

(deleted)

[Lindsay]

It could be for any reason. It could've just been him waiting for a chance to do it without you knowing, it could've been random, it could've been an attempt at manipulation (common bpd tactic ime) or you posted one too many things that pissed him off. Only he knows I guess...

What's important here is to accept what it means when someone publicly shows such callousness and disinterest towards you (whether or not someone else notices). They're literally removing themselves from your life, giving you a huge green light to stop giving a crap about them.

Also, I do believe in twin flames, I just think people mistake the reason they exist, which is to teach you some lessons, not be together forever (or at all). True twin flames can't be near each other for long, it hurts too much, from my own experience and what I understand anyway.

Thanks for your thoughts. I agree, I think twin flames are to help guide you and push you and make you better in the end and maybe to give you passion for life and to learn self love. I feel it’s even more special then familial relations. It’s a spiritual connection. Time will tell

[Lindsay]

Why this made me cry I’m not really sure. Maybe it was the lost in translation reference. It’s all so tragic yet wonderful all at the same time. I admire your self awareness and how you’ve embraced your LE experience as a major growth experience. People do come into our lives and no matter the outcome gives us purpose. It drives us in the direction we need to go ultimately. We just have to recognize that and learn.

“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.” – Nancy Stephan

Aw thank you. it seems impossible to let go. It really is both magical and the most painful thing I’ve ever felt. I have accepted I just have to get used to this other persons spirit in me from now on?’ Like in the song, “maybe I’m learning why the sea on the tide has no way of turning”

[Lindsay]

I completely agree with nowords. If you can’t grow from the experience of LE then it’s all for nothing.

After an intense three month EA I learnt tonight that my LO has moved on quickly from what we had. It makes me angry to some degree that I have wasted precious time thinking about her but then glad in a way that it has knocked her off the pedestal.

I wish her both nothing but happiness but I have expended way too much emotional energy on something that was ultimately a fantasy.

I am just glad I have remained NC for over two months now and long may it continue.

Good luck all in getting the other side of this horrible and futile affliction

Thank you! Good luck to you too. I’m so sorry she has acted that way. Maybe this means you can be over her really soon, sounds like it!