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Get him out of my head

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caterpillar's grace

Get him out of my head

Post by caterpillar's grace »

Hi everyone. I trust you guys are doing well, aside from this horrible condition of limerence. :(
Me? Not so much...
Firstly though, I am a huge fan of anonymous sites(ones similar to DRRR, etc), for I can really express myself here!! I won't hold back with my story, which I will emphasize how much I like him...

There is this guy I've known since my sophomore year in high school--it has been two years now. I am a triplet, so the only reason I believe he spoke to me in the first place is because of that,, yet had I known what's to come I wouldn't have put in so much effort to get to know him. He is my everything. He was my everything. Very handsome, athletic, and smart enough to tutor me for months. We used to sit after school and talk to each other; you know, ultimately chill...and joke with each other. I thought this was just a normal high school love.,..that he was really the man of my dreams, and we could become something. But closer to the end of the year, I started to see things.
Me and this guy had sex. Around this time, he became "best friends" with my sister. We had done the /do/ months into our friendship though. I trusted him, he trusted meーI could feel how allured we were to each other. But I saw some signs that were NOT okay. I should have kept my distance from him, but I couldn't. I wanted everything to do with him; always looking at his stories, played video games with him, and I saw him every day. I'm obsessed and I know that, only he doesn't, and I never want him to find out.

What makes this guy so evil is that he's been intimate with my twin sister. Not only that, he cheated on his girlfriend with me, though I thought it was fine since he claimed to have no feelings for her--that they were just together. That he'd break up with her. He did...but ended up dating another girl without telling me, as we continued what we did. He'd see me every day just like normal, and would drive me home. Until he...suddenly got so "busy".

It was like a veil was swept away from over my head! I saw how much of a player he was, just the innocent kind...and very subtle about it. I couldn't get over the fact that he never needed me. I was his fun, and he was mine for a while...until I had gotten serious about our relationship. I told him I liked him over and over again(EVEN IN DIFFERENT LANGUAGES LOL), and it'd be brushed aside...or he'd dodge it swiftly. I should have known. I should have stopped with him. But I wanted him so badly, so I couldn't stop until he thirsted for me back. I wanted every drop of his blood to scream my name, so he could feel my pain of being love crazy about him. A year into our friendship, however, I written him a letter I never gave him, and eventually ripped to shreds. School ended, and so did my will to see him ever again...only to start up seven months later.

From a single phone call.

"Hey, how are you?"

God, hearing that has never made me so happy. I was so flustered; if I had white skin, my face would have been cherry red...

Since then, up to now(where I am sitting here typing on my laptop), he's been back into my life. The reason I was inspired to look up my condition was because I drunk-called him the other night before I went to bed, as I was celebrating on New Year's day. I feel so sick. So depressed. I'm happy one minute, but so sad the next...it's getting worse. I have these fantasies where I'm helpless, then he and a rivaling friend of mine comes to my rescue. Or I win him over with tears of sympathy, with passive-aggressive expressions. I like to write, so these things aren't odd to me...to envision circumstances where my crush would love me back, but it has never been this bad. I even love to relive every moment I spent with him before bed; its become a routine and its inescapable for me--I can't sleep a night without thinking about him prior.

I've been meaning to end things with him the next time he saw me, and that would be when he and I go see a movie...on Christmas day. The date has passed a while ago, and it still seems like he has no intentions of seeing me. That's good! Another reason why I shouldn't like him, though I'd be lying if I say it doesn't hurt. It really does. I want to run into his arms and hug him so tightly, and do things I've always wanted to with my significant other in a single night. He won't give me that time...

I feel like his neglected pet, kept wrapped so tightly around his pinky finger. He knows exactly what he's doing to me too. Manipulative, and I hate it but love it at the same time. I have it bad...

Someone, please find me before I'm lost for good. I'm going to do everything I can on my end to lose him, so I can finally love myself again.
Anon1435

Re: Get him out of my head

Post by Anon1435 »

New here but wanted to write to you bc no one else has and I can relate. He is a shitty person. He was using you for sex. He might have pretended to like you so that you would have sex with him. You deserve better, you can find a guy that will care about you before and after you sleep with him. I am sorry this happened to you. It happened to me around your age and I didn't understand it at the time. In my case I ultimately believe the guy was a sociopath who didn't care about my at all. But before it ended he was an amazing listener who made me feel heard and adventerous spirit who introduced me to many things for the first time smoking weed, certain sexual things and great music. He pursued me relentlessly (warning sign). But that was all an act to get what he wanted: sex. After I realized this I felt anger and shame that I fell for him. That wasn't a great feeling but it helped me get over him. Now I look back and realize I couldn't have known any better, and I just wanted to experience something at that time. You learn the signs to avoid with age, the having the gf is a big one. Work on being able to love yourself and demand to be treated better.
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5666
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Get him out of my head

Post by JupiterTaco »

I have to agree, these types are bad news.
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
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