Help!

[Just Finding Out]

Hi all,

Today i dsicovered the word limerence and I think I may have it but I am not sure.

A long time ago I was in a relationship with someone with avoidant personality disorder. This was extremely difficult for me and they ended the relationship three times, this was nearly 10 years ago.

When the relationship ended the last time I sufffered a hell of a lot of pain that went on for over 18 months. Eventuially I got through it.

After nearly two years single I met someone new and life began to move on. But still I could not get this person out of my mind.

Over the years we would communicate infrequently whilst I was in a relationship. Things came to a head a couple of yearS later when i was convinced I would leave my partner for this person. I did not. I cut if off and the feelings subsided for a while.

Then, and i cant remember how, we contacted each other again and we met a few times over the years. Each time I saw this person I felt I had to keep them at arms length. I dont know if this was out of fear of them hurting me or 'what they stir up in me' ie possible limerence.

On several occasions I balked at leaving my partner for this person. Now for a varierty of pandemic and travel realted issues things have come to a head.

I have to make what seem like a final decison. Now my obsession with what this person says does, when they are online or off is rife and it is making my life total misery.

Is this because I have reached crunch point and its just my fear of leaving my partner and things going wrong?

Or is it limerence and even if i leave my partner and be with this person will i have to endure this limerence till it destroys the relationship of me?

Grateful for your thoughts.

Thank you.

[Just Finding Out]

I should add if it helps

Me - In a relationship
Other person - Single (and keeps saying they are waiting for me)

[itry]

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[Just Finding Out]

Hi itry

Thank you so much for your reply. I've tried to answer your questions below.

1. My current relationship lacks intimacy in some ways. My partner spends a lot of time rushing around doing things all the time and rarely slows down for us to connect. Some of that is to do with the early days of the relationship when i was not present and that was not becuase of potential LO. Why I cant let go of potential LO is becuase i beleive i do love them.

2. Yes. There have been times in the past where I have thought about leaving my partner and was not in contact with potential LO and going on to LO was not in my mind AT ALL.

3. The potential LO has had over two years of physcotherapy, I have been able to verifty that. They speak often about their avoidant behaviour. They have been continually consistent about wanting to be with me for over three years despite me still being in a relationship.

4. The potential LO has had one short relationship in the past three years which they ended. They have told me they have had oppourtunities to be in relationships but have not pursued as they are waiting for me to leave my partner so we can be together.

[itry]

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