Hopeful

[mycorona]

@itry
You said... "mycorona, my dearest, please have mercy on your poor LO.
If you have felt the connection acknowledge it, trust it, have faith in your instinct, then think about the situation with that faith in mind.

Do you think he regularly shows up to see you doesnt count for anything?
Do you think he is just randomly asking to see more of you, on a whim? Do you think he doesnt crave to see you?
Do you think seeing you with your SO is easy for him?
What if the feeling of love he gets from you is all that is keeping him alive? Do you think that's impossible?..."

You know itry, you really made me think with what you said! That's why I feel now that I CAN accept the way he wants things to be and give him what he wants which is just to see me and be with me. I hope I have turned a corner and don't have too many more bad days, but I have learned that Limerence isn't always like that. I wanted to thank you for your words, and Spadge and selkie. I hope I have listened and taken on board at least some of what you have said. I now feel a greater clarity, almost a calm. I feel i am genuinely accepting the situation and I hope it continues.

thanks all. keep well.

[Spadge100]

Hi mycorona

That’s great to hear you are getting some clarity. Understanding and accepting the situation is definitely half the battle.

Learning to let go is massively liberating. Yes it can be tinged with sadness but acceptance is definitely part of the path to freedom from the madness!

[itry]

...

[mycorona]

Just an update.
A couple of weeks ago I wrote..."I now feel a greater clarity, almost a calm. I feel i am genuinely accepting the situation and I hope it continues"...

Don't feel like that today! A sad day today. Just met with him and others and he's being so nice to me it makes me want to vomit! - makes me feel like his mother! And maybe that's how he thinks of me - or at least his sister!
My few words with him over the Christmas simply asking him what was going on between us, seems to have decided him to stop all his feelings for me either angry or loving. He's over it, I can tell. He just wants to be sweet to me now. No more longing looks, no more checking me out. He seems to have sorted out his feelings, and he's over it all. I think he felt I was telling him to cut it out when I spoke to him, to stop behaving like something was going on when it wasn't.
Like always, he got the wrong end of the stick - I was telling him to do something about it!!! Not kill it off! Anyway, it's so painful for me now.

I wanted so badly to be the one to get over him. To slowly learn to not have these tender feelings for him. Being near him now is such torture. Even as I write this, it's a beautiful afternoon here and the only place I want to be is with him. No matter what he's doing, all I want is to be beside him doing it with him. Even the most boring thing - even if it's him cutting his nails or fixing his bike - I just want to watch him and be with him.
In my whole life, I don't think I have ever felt like this about anyone. It's been a year of hell. Those who have followed know that I cannot go NC.

If I could turn back the clock to 3 years ago when he walked in the door of our local coffee shop, (and before I fell head over heels for him), I'd run out as he walked in that door.---But I can't! God help me, cos I can't seem to help myself.

I'm so unhappy I can barely ask how you all are doing, itry, Spadge, selkie, ivm, mamasita, AMA nowords. Everyone else. I do think of you often and wonder how and why we all suffer so much.

[selkie354]

mycorona, Don't be so hard on yourself. Your LO does not see you has his mother. I'm sure he was(and probably still is) attracted to you, its just that it doesn't make sense for him to do anything about it so he got over it. That is the thing, there is obviously "something" there but its just not as strong with them. I think it helps to just accept that we are the "losers" in the game of attraction; that we want them more than they want us. It doesn't feel great to think about, no one likes losing. But everyone loses sometimes, there is no person on earth that has gotten everything they wanted. It does not mean we are unattractive, in most cases (certainly yours) we were attractive to our LOs its kind of how it all got started. Its just they were able to process it and decide it didn't make sense before we were able. The rejection stings, but for me at least feeling it is what finally brought an end to my previous episodes.

[mycorona]

Thanks selkie. Thanks so much. I try to accept it. I really do but as is the same with so many of us limerents, we were never given the chance to put everything in perspective because mostly our relationships never got off the ground in the first place, hence the missed opportunity to go into and through the limerent stage.

It's hard, really hard. As I mentioned, I'm a couple of years older than him and I really feel I'm too old for dealing with all this "shit" in my head. My life before he came into it was calm, if dull. But I don't want to go back to it now as I realise how empty it was. But it seems I have no choice in the matter.

I wish I could learn whatever it is LO came into my life to teach me. I'm a year down the line of showing my hand and letting him know my feelings and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret it. I thought I was brave at the time but now I just feel I was foolish - and foolishly led on by a man who didn't understand his own feelings! But how could I have know any of that? - I couldn't and continue, day after painful day, to pay for my "leap of faith" with him. Bad, bad idea. I should have kept it all to myself. But isn't that the romantic in all of us limerents...And isn't hindsight a great thing??

[Spadge100]

Hi mycorona

Sorry you are suffering. Isn’t it a good thing that you disclosed and found out for sure? It’s hard to deal with but you would have been a year behind the awful process of limerence.

I know it’s hard to accept but some relationships just aren’t meant to be, no matter how much we want them to be.

Sending you positive vibes

[mycorona]

thanks Spage.
Appreciate your thoughts and positive vibes.

[selkie354]

The flip side of course if you hadn't you'd always wonder 'what if you had?' The struggle is very real. But as you say these episodes happen so we can discover things and grow. This has held true for me in the past, I left both episodes stronger, they emboldened me to take risks to improve my life. Have faith that you will overcome this. When its all over he will not matter and you will be stronger.

[IvB]

Mycorona, you mention wanting to find out what your LO was supposed to teach you. Your words resonate with me, I once listened to a video that said to try and realise what LO made us feel and then think why we don't feel like that on our own and take steps to feel so. It was an eye opener, because I realized some things about myself that cause my low self confidence (which caused my limerence).
I realised that LO made me feel attractive, smart, interesting and brought excitement into my (like yours) dull life. So I am trying to take steps for each of these - to take care of my body, educate myself, fill my life with interesting activity etc. Not saying that it's easy or that it works every day but it did help a bit.