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Types of Limerents

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itry
Posts: 122
Joined: Fri Dec 04, 2020 3:20 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Types of Limerents

Post by itry »

Hi All,

Something occured to me while thinking about limerence.

I have noticed on this forum, that there are two main types of limerents.

One category is the limerent who wants to "give value to" their LO.
Let's call them Limerent Type A.
These people mainly want to show to their LO how much they like them, love them, admire them, care about them.
This is reminiscent of the attitude of a parent who is constantly obsessing about giving love and care and admiration to their favourite child. They expect the child to accept their love.
For such limerents, to be hindered from showing their love and admiration feels enormously painful.
Any sign that the LO is choosing to be loved by someone else (like their SO) is taken as rejection.
In terms of regrets, these limerents often think -
"I do not show my love, my admiration properly enough! I wish I knew better how to show that I care!"


The other type of limerent is the one who likes it when they "get valued by" their LOs.
Let's call them Limerent Type B.
All their energy and thought revolves around getting approval of their LO. They want to impress their LO, be liked by them, be admired and accepted by them.
It's like when a child wants to be liked by a parent. They try their best to remain in good books of the parent and constantly look at parent's face to see if the parent approves of what they are doing. They expect the parent to acknowledge all this work.
For such limerents, to be put in a position where they can't do things to impress and attract their LO feels enormously painful.
Any sign that LO is showing love to someone else (like their SO) is taken as rejection.
In terms of regrets, these limerents often think -
"I do not do enough to deserve LO's love! I wish I could do something so they would love me!"

Please don't get me wrong, every limerent likes both things - they want to get admiration as well as give admiration - but the difference is, one feeling majorly dominates in Type A, while the other feeling majorly dominates in Type B.


Please let me know, what you all think.
Also, what type of limerent are you, and what type of limerent your LO is (or is likely to be if they were limerent)?
Last edited by itry on Thu Feb 04, 2021 8:26 am, edited 7 times in total.
itry
Posts: 122
Joined: Fri Dec 04, 2020 3:20 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Types of Limerents

Post by itry »

I am limerent Type A.
My LO is highly likely to be limerent Type B.
selkie354
Posts: 155
Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2021 5:17 pm
Canada

Re: Types of Limerents

Post by selkie354 »

Interesting itry. So to complicate it for you this episode I am clearly your type B (although there is an element of breaking through LOs shell and getting him to open up and heal some of the underlying pain I sense- so a little bit of A there). But my first and I think my second I was more A - I definitely "mothered" my first LO, which he enjoyed - we had the closest relationship of any of the LOs - and that episode was the most painful.
AMA210
Posts: 2385
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Types of Limerents

Post by AMA210 »

Interesting topic.
I am opting for choice “C”, as a combination of both A and B. 😀
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Types of Limerents

Post by IvB »

I too am a combination of both. I need external validation (working on it) and that made me limerent because LO was giving it in abundance. And then when I started caring for him, I became A, I want to shower him with love. But still want him to love me back...
itry
Posts: 122
Joined: Fri Dec 04, 2020 3:20 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Types of Limerents

Post by itry »

Thanks everyone, such interesting replies.
It's true I think we are all a mix of the two types. But overall I guess if we look at our wider pattern, one type will slightly dominate the other in our nature.

@selkie also interesting to notice that with different LOs you had different types of limerence.
Come to think of it, I feel like Type A really dominates my nature/behaviour with LO, but Type B dominates my nature with SO.
Spadge100
Posts: 291
Joined: Sat Oct 24, 2020 10:02 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Types of Limerents

Post by Spadge100 »

I think I started off as type A and that morphed into type B once I was hooked.

The first time we met in 2019 she cried on my shoulder. I think subconsciously I wanted to “save” her. In 2020 we got close when she had COVID, and I would be at her beck and call to try and take her mind of it.

After that few weeks I think I was hooked and then subconsciously loved the validation she gave me.

So definitely a type C 😃😃
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