Meaninglessness

[Idiotic]

When it's done. How do you deal with it...meaninglessness. Do I need religion in my life? Again and again, I find myself staring at this? Or am I staring at myself. It's my favorite prison. I think I'm addicted to the prison I construct in my mind.

Is there any way out you guys think??

[mamasita]

Hi Idiotic I can relate.
I grew up with a lot of religious abuse so I tend to shudder at the thought. But the empty is there, taunting me.
I've found that I often have to get to the bottom of what I want. Not what I think I should want, or what helps others, or what's best for me. What do I want? Well first I want the fluttery feelings of new love. But it will ruin my life to chase that feeling.
It seems to be a long road of learning how to listen to myself. I have gotten better at making plans for things I want to do and declining plans for things I don't want to do. I used to just feel like I was being dragged through my life at everyone else's whims and needs. Tuning into self more does help.
Is there anything you have wanted to try and haven't? A hobby, a game? Some kind of self improvement, a new exercise regimen, or cooking some new and interesting meals you've wanted to eat? I don't know if this helps you but that empty feeling that I used to fill with fantasies of LO had to be filled with something else, and that's me.

[Idiotic]

I don't know if this helps you but that empty feeling that I used to fill with fantasies of LO had to be filled with something else, and that's me.

Hi Mama good to see you back. You're right I avoid looking at myself . The fact is I have a lot of responsibilities which I'm just avoiding, cos of my mindfuck. I don't agree with much of Jordan Peterson , but he has a point about taking on your responsibilities. I need to rethink my approach to them perhaps.

[itry]

Hi Idiotic, mamasita, and all,

Such an interesting topic!

A lot of times "self-love" comes up in answer to this dilemma.
My problem with self-love is, I really don't know what it achieves. I have tried to understand this concept a lot, but I just don't get it! I don't understand the value of self-love.
Yes - I can do what I like to do, I can engage in my favourite hobby, I can work on ideas I really like, do activities that please me, have ambitions, take care of my health and well being - but NONE of it can fill the void that can only be filled by another person!
Focusing on my self will not suddenly make another human being disappear. They will still be there I will still be longing for them.

That's really the core of the issue for me unfortunately - that self-love is not and never will be same as having a connection with another person!

Back to where we started! Now, what do we do?

I guess for me personally, the more reasonable or plausible path is to simply annihilate my ego. Easier said!
But still, instead of focusing on myself, I feel like I must try to forget about myself, that might be a more effective solution.
To blend into my surrounding environment. (It might be along the same lines as "take your responsibilities")
Basically, I should just accept the fact that I am not that important in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter what I feel or think or experience, I should just be glad and thankful that I got an opportunity to be a part of the universe. End of!

I will understand if others disagree with this point of view, it's sad!

[Idiotic]

Hi Idiotic, mamasita, and all,

Such an interesting topic!

A lot of times "self-love" comes up in answer to this dilemma.
My problem with self-love is, I really don't know what it achieves. I have tried to understand this concept a lot, but I just don't get it! I don't understand the value of self-love.
Yes - I can do what I like to do, I can engage in my favourite hobby, I can work on ideas I really like, do activities that please me, have ambitions, take care of my health and well being - but NONE of it can fill the void that can only be filled by another person!
Focusing on my self will not suddenly make another human being disappear. They will still be there I will still be longing for them.

That's really the core of the issue for me unfortunately - that self-love is not and never will be same as having a connection with another person!

Back to where we started! Now, what do we do?

I guess for me personally, the more reasonable or plausible path is to simply annihilate my ego. Easier said!
But still, instead of focusing on myself, I feel like I must try to forget about myself, that might be a more effective solution.
To blend into my surrounding environment. (It might be along the same lines as "take your responsibilities")
Basically, I should just accept the fact that I am not that important in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter what I feel or think or experience, I should just be glad and thankful that I got an opportunity to be a part of the universe. End of!

I will understand if others disagree with this point of view, it's sad!

Hi itry, what you say is not sad. But I think we need a another understanding about what "self-love" is. Like another person (John, idk whr he is en) here once told me , self love could be understood better as not indulging your self. But more like being kind on yourself, and being there for yourself, as you would be for another person. There is a lot of shame and guilt in us LE prone people. The void that you speak, it is validation in a way.

You talk of destroying your ego, such violence does not really help us in the long run..it is the same vigorous approach to LO that we follow. Why do you want to destroy your ego, ask yourself that question.... And face the honest answers, and if you don't like the answers, if you don't like who you are, be kind.
You cannot run away from yourself, you cannot. You cannot hide from who you are. It is always there, it is frightening to look at yourself and accept yourself for who you are. The hated person you are , the constant "why am I like this".... Learn to be friends with who you are. That will be self love. It's the most difficult task I've ever done.
There was a time when I didn't look at myself at all. But slowly , im getting there. Acceptance in its complete since might take an age, but Im going in that direction.
Don't be your enemy, don't destroy your ego, you will lose yourself, when you are finally at one with who you are. You cannot completely lose yourself if you are not at one with yourself . That is why LO is the perfect illusion.

For my part, I talk of responsibilities right now because. Im afraid of failing. I try to be kind to myself tho, i know I'm afraid. But I try to face the fear ...

[itry]

Hi Idiotic and all,

Thanks for response. I see what you are saying.
I agree I need to be kind to myself.

You are right again when you say, most of us limerents have a lot of issues with shame and guilt, and there are fears too and all of it has to be processed and dealt with in a kind manner.

I guess where it gets tough for me is knowing what kindness on myself should really look like, apart from the only way which is ... be cruel to be kind.
The violence that you are referring to, which I intend to inflict upon my own ego and which we limerents often inflict upon our LOs is the kindest possible way.
Like, killing an injured horse!

Not easy but what else can you do? How else can you be kind to yourself in this situation I know not.

As far as your responsibilities and fear of failing is concerned, the answer is same.
Who is stopping you from taking or leaving these responsibilities my friend? Who is giving you these fears of failure?
The answer is - your self!
Self is the culprit ...

[Random]

I may be quoting incorrectly but I read a saying that goes something like...

"Do not seek a person to give you love,
but instead seek to be a person who can give love"

Is the problem with us limerents that we haven't truly grasped an understanding of the above?

[IvB]

Random, you may be right. I am not sure about anything these days. While I want LO to reciprocate, even more I want to give him love, shower him with it, take care of him. And of course that's too much and he doesn't care for that, which upsets me. I started thinking maybe I am the one who is a narcissist, who is manipulative, because I want something for others that they don't want themselves.

[itry]

Hi Random, IvB, and all,

@random, that line of thinking, as you quoted...
"Do not seek a person to give you love,
but instead seek to be a person who can give love"
can be a DISASTER RECIPE in case of some people!

Like IvB said, some of us limerents (which I like to call Type A) are not really trying to get love from our LOs, we only want to give love to them.
These are the LOs who either don't value our love, don't want it, or not in a position to receive it.

IvB, I also sometimes wonder... are we the narcissistic ones in this dynamics? We might as well be! It's like, they don't want us, but we are pushing ourselves on them. So embarrassing!

[Cookie]

My final analysis is that we are people who are terrified of being alone. Even when we're by ourselves, we introduce that shadow person, that constructed conflict, our own duality. Fight Club. Yep, we're our own jailers. Looking at your signature line, Idiotic. I think you can get free.